Wanting to have my own temper tantrum... Everyone else gets to!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ksm, Jan 11, 2016.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Trying to treat my teens like adults. At the case Mgt meeting last week, one of the goals was for older teen to set an alarm, and get up and be ready for school on time. She said that wasn't an issue, she has been doing that. I hope the others saw my eye roll... So, this week I tell her since she said it is not a problem, that she should do this without me. They both have to be in school by 8. At 7:07 she still wasn't up, so I thought I would say something. Big mistake. She informed me her alarm was set for 7 and she was getting ready. Fast forward to 7:54. We leave the house. They will be tardy.

    I start a conversation with younger dtr. She is behind on a computer assisted English class she is taking to make up for failing a semester of English last school year. (She has not completed a unit in it yet. She should have completed 3 units this week!) Older dtr cops an attitude and has the nerve to tell me that "if I was a better parent, maybe they would be better students". WTH???

    I said, you are right, a good parent wouldn't put up with this, pulled over, made them exit my car and walk the last block.

    When I got home, I get a text from older that I take things way too personal. That what does it matter, I don't have a job or anything to do anyway. That she was just using the skills she had learned in therapy....

    Sent them both a text and said that I was going to try to be a better parent in order that they can become responsible adults. In the future, I would be available to drive them to school from 7:30 to 7:40. If they aren't ready at that time, I would charge for a ride to school. They would have to hand over their phones, and wouldn't get them back until after school. That was their "cost".

    So sick of this. Older one is really getting on my last nerve. KSM
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    LOVE that answer!

    Absolutely. Whether you have a paying job or not, you DO have a live, and you DO have other responsibilities other than to be at their beck and call. In real life, nobody else will do it either.
  3. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    BAM! Momma is doing good! Natural consequences. Oh, and I imagine they will test you but you got this. It may get worse before it gets better (they probably think they will wear you down).
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Love that you laid down the law!
  5. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I understand their will be some squabbles... They are 15 and 17.

    But when you get a text like this from your teen, the one who says she can get herself ready for school... The one who starts every excuse with "it's not my fault!" It is enough to make your head explode. Her words:

    "Stop your little tiff... I was trying to help. Some days its gonna be a day that were running late i dont see why it bothers you, you dont have a job... You dont have anywhere to be....

    Sry but that is how i feel about it your being immature and not acting like an adult... I'm sorry but you need to grow up and stop taking everything so personal that's what is wrong is you take everything personal an that is the reason there's so many problems... I know that im not wording this very well yo try an explain what im trying to say and im sure you will take it the wrong way but I don't know what else to do... Sorry."

    My head is still spinning... KSM
  6. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Perfect response, KSM. Too bad, there are consequences.
    No JOB? From what I have read, this girl, is a FULL TIME JOB!
    It is a no wonder you have been able to keep your sanity.
    I'Learning Disability (LD) get the bugle going at 6:00 am.
    There is no way anyone is going to get ready, especially a teen, in 15-20 minutes. Stick to your guns, and see what happens.
    These kids, sheesh. The nerve........
  7. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    Well you know how did it I had to work and so did my wife so basically it was their own responsibility to wake up and go to school this happened since they where the 4-th and 1-th grade for my youngest. So it worked for 7 years until my wife was unemployed because of certain reasons, so for 2 years so she took it upon herself to wake them up. Bad mistake my children as teenagers did not like to be babied and told what to do so they actually made it so they where late most of the time at school. They where late more in the 2 years my wife was unemployed then they where in the previous 7 years when they had do it alone.
    I love my children but they really hate telling them what to do and they would do harm to themselves also just to spite you.
    My advice is let them wake up on their own and lets the consequences be when they fail.
  8. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    okay, I do not know how that happened......I meant I would.........LOL
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You typed... I ' l d, instead of I ' w d. l d = Learning Disability (LD)
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  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I think the phone 'cost' is a great idea. It will ONLY work if you follow through every single time though.

    The whole matter of getting kids up for school should have ended years ago, in my opinion. My kids all got themselves up from elementary school. Mornings and I HATE each other so after a few yrs of getting up with my kids in the morning, the kids sat me down and told me they woulld handle mornings if I would PLEASE stop getting up every morning. When I woke up feeling good and surprised them with muffins or something, it was appreciated but on my bad days, getting up with them just made them start off in a bad way.

    So your kids CAN do this, but you have to get out of their way. it is HARD to do though, i know.

    You might get a LOT of great ideas and support from "Parenting Teens with Love & Logic: Preparing Adolescents for Responsible Adulthood" by Fay & Cline. Their techniques flat out WORK and MAKE SENSE. I went to a seminar given by Jim Fay Sr several years ago. As he talked about getting your child to do an assigned chore, a young teacher in the crowd exclaimed, "THAT is why you did that!". He was there with other teachers from his school, one of which was his mom. She had used the technique on him some years before when he was a teen - and it worked for him! He was NOT a plant (was a student of my father in law years before) and he just blurted it out in total surprise because it was a real shock when his mom used the technique.

    I have read many of their books & found them immensely useful. They were the ONLY parenting books that made sense for my huband and I both - and that gave us tools that we could BOTH use. My oldest child HATED them, to the point of throwing them away, because they let us stand together and not get lured off track away from the issue at hand. Now, as an adult, he has told me that they helped him more than any other parenting system or method that we tried (and we tried a TON of different things!).