confusedmom
New Member
Hi everyone, I'm new here and I am hoping someone, anyone, can offer any kind of advice. My son has always been a great kid. Academically gifted, an older soul, witty, with no behavioral problem other than the normal teenager stuff. Always made good grades, no trouble, nothing like that. Just your average kid. Didn't have a ton of friends, and I would kind of classify him as a "geek". But like the kind on Big Bang Theory, funny and charming. Just your "typical" average teenage boy. We never saw anything to be concerned about until he reached 13. He had just received a cell phone for Christmas, and shortly thereafter we found porn on his phone. We took the phone away, and sat down with him to do the normal parenting things (the birds and the bees 2.0 talk, it's illegal, it's private, that kind of stuff). After a couple of months, he earned the privilege of the phone back. Another month goes by, we find it again. We took the phone away for good and told our son we were concerned that he may have a problem with pornography. His father spoke with him and did all the right dad things. There was no bad behavior, and we felt the punishment of removing the phone as well as his xbox was enough. Months go buy, and we discover our son has purchased a subscription to an adult channel (we didn't even know how to find them. He had changed the channel guide to unhide them) without our knowledge and had been watching it while we were sleeping. We turned on parental locks and changed the password. We spoke with our son, telling him we were truly concerned now that he had an addiction to pornography. We scheduled an appointment for our son to see a counselor.
My husband and I just found out within the last couple of months that my son has been sexually assaulting our daughter for some time. We have removed him from the home, reported the offense with local law enforcement and DSS, and rather than pressing charges, we thought treatment was in his best interest. Here's the thing, over the last couple of days, my son has admitted to other instances with a cousin, from a long time ago, which she has adamantly denied, but due to the graphic nature of the details he has presented and her behavior during the questions, it seems apparent that something happened between the two of them. His therapist believes that there may be yet another victim that he hasn't told us about. We have discovered the child we have known his whole life never existed. He had been speaking with a girl at school and had agreed to begin selling prescription drugs for her in exchange for either pills or sex. We took him to an acute care facility the second we found the pill in his backpack. There's no remorse for his actions, just that he got caught. His therapist is now concerned from the growing information that it may very well be beyond their help (they specialize in juvenile sex offenses and offenders).
Our insurance has refused to cover the cost of our son to go to a Residential Treatment Facility (RTF), especially one that specializes in sexual offenses. They also denied the acute care facility and he was discharged against our wishes. They say that they will not cover something that may not work. The insurance company has stated they will not cover any treatment for sexual dysfunction, which is what they have said is happening here. The case manager of the insurance company actually said, "You should just go dump him off at DSS and walk away from this."
Can anyone offer any kind of advice? I don't want to turn my back on my child. It's obvious that there are some serious psychological issues that need to be addressed and treated. He won't get any help in a jail cell, and I don't want to take the risk of him getting lost in "the system". I want to help my son, but more importantly, I want to prevent any future victims. I am in this alone right now. My husband is out of the country with work and contact with him is limited. So this is now up to me to protect my daughter, protect my son, and protect my sanity. Any thing at all you can offer I would be forever in your debt.
My husband and I just found out within the last couple of months that my son has been sexually assaulting our daughter for some time. We have removed him from the home, reported the offense with local law enforcement and DSS, and rather than pressing charges, we thought treatment was in his best interest. Here's the thing, over the last couple of days, my son has admitted to other instances with a cousin, from a long time ago, which she has adamantly denied, but due to the graphic nature of the details he has presented and her behavior during the questions, it seems apparent that something happened between the two of them. His therapist believes that there may be yet another victim that he hasn't told us about. We have discovered the child we have known his whole life never existed. He had been speaking with a girl at school and had agreed to begin selling prescription drugs for her in exchange for either pills or sex. We took him to an acute care facility the second we found the pill in his backpack. There's no remorse for his actions, just that he got caught. His therapist is now concerned from the growing information that it may very well be beyond their help (they specialize in juvenile sex offenses and offenders).
Our insurance has refused to cover the cost of our son to go to a Residential Treatment Facility (RTF), especially one that specializes in sexual offenses. They also denied the acute care facility and he was discharged against our wishes. They say that they will not cover something that may not work. The insurance company has stated they will not cover any treatment for sexual dysfunction, which is what they have said is happening here. The case manager of the insurance company actually said, "You should just go dump him off at DSS and walk away from this."
Can anyone offer any kind of advice? I don't want to turn my back on my child. It's obvious that there are some serious psychological issues that need to be addressed and treated. He won't get any help in a jail cell, and I don't want to take the risk of him getting lost in "the system". I want to help my son, but more importantly, I want to prevent any future victims. I am in this alone right now. My husband is out of the country with work and contact with him is limited. So this is now up to me to protect my daughter, protect my son, and protect my sanity. Any thing at all you can offer I would be forever in your debt.