What do I do?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mog, May 17, 2011.

  1. mog

    mog Member

    I know that it has been a long time since I have posted and I am sorry that I have not kept you all informed. I am falling apart. difficult child is home and up and down. Legally he is staying out of trouble--Thank God. He is really having some struggles. His girlfriend told him that they had a break up brecause she was moving out of state--then she came into his work and had to admit that they had moved but were still in the area. He was really hurt. Her mom is the one that difficult child was convinced was a better "mom" to him than I am, not to mention the girlfriend thing. husband is being such a jerk to difficult child. difficult child needs to learn how to drive but husband won't let him drive "our" vehicles until he has a license. I told difficult child that I thought that it was because he needs to wear glasses but he broke them soooo finally got him to go get glasses and I offered to get him contacts but told him that I would only buy the first pair. So now they are all in and husband still won't teach him, to make things worse husband complains about every little thing that difficult child does. If he needs a ride to work -he gives difficult child an attitude--if he needs to be picked up form somewhere- difficult child gives him an attitude. I am now back to work --Thank you God--and husband is at home because of his disablility so I get angry because he is sooooo willing to go and take everybody else anywhere they need to go and difficult child is TRYING to get it together but getting left out in the rain--literally!
    Plus I am so emotional because difficult child should be graduating this year but because the system screwed him and he decide to get his ged instead he isn't. What makes it worse is that three nephews-one cousin- and all of difficult child's friends are and we keep getting this invitaions and I am so heartbroken and crying.
    difficult child was suppose to have orientation for his new job today so he got up early to ride down the hill with me to be at work at 830 but his thing wasn't until 10:30 so he walked from my work to where he was going but when he got there they told him it was postphoned til Friday and when he call husband for a ride home-difficult child told him that he wasn't planning on going down the hill for at least an hour and half and that he was going to have to walk to meet him to the place that he was going to be--I am hurt and angry. What do I do??? I Love my husband but I also Love my difficult child and I am tired of having to make a choice between them
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I hate that caught in the middle thing. been there done that. Is your husband objecting to having your difficult child back home, and doing a P/A thing to force him out? Trying to make the kid pay for all the awfulness of the past? Deciding there's no point in supporting such an obviously minor attempt to get a job that difficult child is making? Making sure he shows difficult child exactly what (fill in the blank) feels like when it happens to you?

    I had to come down pretty hard on Hubby for bringing up stuff that was no longer relevant, and while I understand he was hurt, too, taking it out on Miss KT wasn't the way to heal the family unit. As long as Miss KT was making a serious effort and good choices, I felt we should offer support where it was needed, and that meant rides to/from work, doing family laundry/dishes, etc. As long as everyone was pulling together, I had no problem. Hubby did. Why was I putting HER dishes in the dishwasher? Why was I fixing HER eggs and toast? Just dumb stuff, really, that I compared to being on yard duty, mediating between two second graders, which made Hubby furious. If you're a grown-up, then start acting like one. I spend my days with little kids...I recognize the signs.

    All I can suggest is sitting down with your husband, and letting him know that the family needs his help to become stronger. difficult child is making an effort, and he needs to put aside his hurt, anger, and resentment long enough to help difficult child become successful. If you're at work, and husband is home, he needs to pick up the slack with kids, chores, whatever.

    Hugs. I know, it's difficult. Being caught between your husband and child is an awful feeling.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I agree. You need a heart-to-heart with-husband. You shouldn't have to choose between them. He is an adult and is not acting like it.

    In regard to the other graduations, you're just going to have to give up and move on. It's done. It's sad but it's done.

    Many hugs. Please try to do something for yourself, by yourself.