What do you do when you need some "me" time?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by allhaileris, Jan 14, 2009.

  1. allhaileris

    allhaileris Crumbling Family Rock

    This past week I've been a mess. My Grandma died on 12/22 and it's just hitting me (I guess), my uncle died on 12/25 as well (but I wansn't close to him like I was my Grandma). husband went away this weekend to the local hot springs with some friends, and although he didn't think about me, he could have never known how bad I was and how bad E was before leaving. Eris has been a total nightmare for the past week (including school, Monday she kicked a boy, yesterday she got sent to the principals office for something else, she upset her aide one day too).

    This weekend was horrible. It did not help that I forgot to take my medications 3 days in a row! husband left Sat morning, I really needed to just be alone and not be a parent. Eris seemed to know this and was extra clingy. Instead of watching TV, playing in her room, etc she had to get into everything, pull out suitcases from my closet, take out my shoes, the plant dropped and spilled dirt everywhere (not her fault). Basically there was stuff everywhere and I didn't have the energy to deal with it. We did have a tea party (because she insisted on taking out my other grandma's china cups), I played along to keep her occupied but she insisted on using the cups all weekend. She was hitting me over something (not getting her way, but I can't remember what it was) and that turned into a big fight and I put her in the shower to calm her down which just upset her more (but at least she left me alone for a whopping 30 min while she avoided me in her room). She wouldn't go to bed until 10:30 on Sat (and only because I gave her a melatonin), got up at 7:30 on Sunday and sat on my bed playing with the cat. I was actually pushing her to get out of my bed, go in her room and let me sleep another hour (I went to bed about midnight because I wanted to finish a movie uninterrupted). She refused to leave or at least be quiet and lay on the bed with me. I got up, cleaned up the house some and just dealt with her until husband got home that afternoon. But of course his friends hang out until late, we live in an apt that doesn't have anywhere to escape from.

    I'm the one that works, husband is a SAHD, but I'm also the one that cooks because he's not good at that. The last two nights I've made him make dinner and have tried to rest in my room, write on my computer, just be in my own head and either Eris or husband has to bug me every 5 minutes. husband will not stop talking so often, and as much as it bugs, I know he needs the adult time too. I just need him to shut up sometimes!!

    I KNOW it's me, but it seems like when I need "me" time the most is when Eris acts the worst. I want to know what some of you do when your kids is not at their best and you aren't either and you need some space.

    I realized today that this weekend is a 3 day weekend for me so the only thing I could think of is to take Eris out of the house one day and do things *I* want to do that she would enjoy (but I'm stuck with limited money and expired tags on the truck, I don't want to risk it getting towed in the city), but if I could do that I could get husband to take her out one day too. husband's friend keeps promising a tattoo and this might be a good weekend for that, a catharsis. I don't want to spend money doing girly stuff (and live in an area those services are higher priced). I don't want to sit around the house veging. Most of my friends live over an hour away and I don't have anybody local I can just go hang out with.

    Please give me some cheap or free suggestions for helping me get my head back together. Something out of the box.
     
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Things to do with your 6 year old:

    Bowling

    Is there a community education program in your town? If so, check for kids classes - ours have cookie decorating which my kids have enjoyed since very very young.

    Do you live in snow? If the day is warm, take her outside to build a snowman or make snow angels.

    Take her to a museum - expect to walk through quickly and not stopping very often, but you will enjoy learning what items she is interested in.

    Get a day pass to the local YMCA - swim, basketball, just playing catch

    Things to do for yourself:

    A movie - there are some I would love that I wouldn't be able to take difficult child to.

    Computer time at the library - uninterrupted!

    If you like to read, the library is also a great place for that - very quiet and no interruptions!

    Volunteer for a local organization (Parent Teacher League, Hospice, Community group, church group, etc.) - will also meet other people.


     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2009
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Hi Sandy

    I'm an outdoors person, so i think of things outdoors. I'm imagingin where you are is cold?? i like andy's idea if there is snow, building a snowman having a snowball fight than hot chocolate after. just taking a walk.

    Nature, for me always helps get my head screwed on straight again.......... my difficult child and I collect pine combs and we'll pain them that kinda stuff.

    good luck!!!
     
  4. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Getting outside in the sun and fresh air always seems to do me good. A walk in the park or at the beach. A hike in the hills. I also enjoy museums -- they're usually free or cheap enough to get into. Check the paper for free concerts at local churches, schools, libraries, etc. There's a Baroque music festival going on for free at one of the local universities this weekend that my friend's daughter is performing in. So I may go to that this weekend...
     
  5. allhaileris

    allhaileris Crumbling Family Rock

    Ha! Not even close to snow. It's been unseasonably warm this week, it was like 75 on Monday, but it's been cooling down and has been frosty in the mornings again. Doing something outside is a good idea, but I'd have to take the family for that. But the sun would be good for me.

    There is no Y here, but bowling isn't a bad idea and Eris really likes it (she uses those ramps to get the ball going).
     
  6. artana

    artana New Member

    I hide in the bath. I take a bath and a book and disappear for even 1/2 hour. It really helps.
     
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am VERY sorry for your losses. I know it hurts so very bad. You may want to look into grief counselling - many funeral homes offer it free for anyone, not just for families that have used their services.

    Leave Eris with husband and go out. Go to a park and read or hike or just be. go to the library ALONE and read a book. The whole thing. It really sounds like you need a day off. Be sure to pack plenty of water, tea, whatever you drink, and some snacks.

    Look at the community calendar and see if there is a free concert or somesuch you could just go and enjoy alone.

    It is all well and good to take your child, but it is time for some ME time. Without it you will lose your mind.

    When you can afford it, get some noise cancelling headphones (my kids got some for Xmas that were about $12 on amazon.com) - it is INCREDIBLE how much they can block out - even the kid next door screaming for her cat to come home when she is right outside my window, LOL!

    TELL your husband you need an hour of uninterrupted time. You love him, cherish him, know he needs time to talk to you, but you need him to go away. Then make a sign for the door that says MOMMY TIME. When it is up, they are all to pretend you are not home. EACH time you are interrupted you get to start your time all over. It will take some work, esp with Eris (who will want to test this), but in a couple of weeks they will get the drift. You can also make a DADDY TIME sign and let your husband have some uninterrupted time each weekend or whatever.

    But since husband went off with his friends, you get some time for YOU. If that is walking around a bookstore, reading magazines there, do it. I know for a FACT that B&N Bookstores ENCOURAGE people to come in, sit, read, research, whatever, as long as they don't damage the books. I worked in one, and we were to encourage patrons to go sit and read. So use it, and the nice atmosphere there, to go read the kind of gossip/fashion/whatever mags that are like bubblegum for the brain. No real substance, but sure can be fun, Know what I mean?? Things you wouldn't spend $$ on, but find interesting.

    I also hide in the bathtub when I can. Or I used to. Skin problems prohibit this now, and I MISS it.

    I hope you can carve out the ME time. If nothing else, on the way home from work, stop and walk in a park or window shop. I like to shop for ideas for things to do and make - esp if I can use something I have in a new way.

    Hugs,

    Susie
     
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