It sounds like the blind men and the elephant. You know the story - a number of blind men were taken to meet an elephant. They each touched a different part of the elephant and drew their own conclusions: the one who touched the trunk thought the elephant was like a hose; the one who touched the tail thought it was a rope; the one who touched the body thought it was like a wall; the one who touched the ear thought it was a sail; the one who touched the leg thought it was a tree. They were all partly right, and all completely wrong.
You're at the alphabet soup stage of diagnosis, I suggest. Mankind tends to like labels, we have classified all living things we've been able to describe, and tried to pigenhole it all (when not all can be pigeonholed). We need to recognise that the labels are often nothing more than that - a description. Just because it sounds official doesn't mean it's a diagnosis.
For example, my youngest son difficult child 3 - he has a diagnosis of high-functioning autism. His original diagnosis was mild to moderate autism spectrum disorder. We were also told he had ADHD into the bargain.
BUT - he also presents with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Sensory Integration Disorder (SID), ODD, extreme anxiety, hypermobility, hyperlexia, some degree of medication-related anorexia and probably a few other things besides. But all of it comes under the one big beach umbrella of the autism. Which itself comes under a bigger umbrella of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) (Pervasive Developmental Disorder).
If I took each label and tried to find a therapy or treatment for it, we would find ourselves chasing our tails and achiving nothing. For example, the more we try to treat the ADHD, the worse we risk making the anxiety and the anorexia. We have to compromise. Also, the Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) affects what he chooses to eat because of the texture of his food, so the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), the Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) and the anorexia all combine here, too. Again, anxiety comes into it if he is afraid we will not have food he likes, available for him. The hyperlexia and the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) come in with his schoolwork and entertainment, because he insists on having subtitles on everything to help him understand.
difficult child 3 is a package deal. In theprocess of trying to get a diagnosis, you need to accept that what you are probably getting back from doctors is simply a more official-sounding repetition of what you just told them. "You say he lines up his toys neatly all together, with millimetre accuracy? And he refuses to wear certain clothes because of the scratchy feel of the label? Then he has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and Sensory Integration Disorder (SID)."
It's like my going to the doctor complaining of a sore throat and a stuffy nose, and having the doctor say, "You have rhinovirus. If you follow my advice, you will be fine in about ten days."
Mind you, if you don't follow the doctor's advice, it will take a week and a half.
A diagnosis is useful when it comes to getting support funding or other services. You will really need a letter from a GOOD doctor who is prepared to put his feedback in writing, so you can get whatever services you feel your child needs. But otherwise - your child is always your child, no matter what he's labelled. You walk out of the doctor's rooms with the same child you walked in with. If you have a letter in your pocket labellnig that child, it makes no difference to how you respond to that child, and vice versa.
As things stand now - you're dealing with differentpeople ewch only looking at their own area. You need someone who can look at the whole picture and pull it together. Maybe you could say to these people, "Here is the list of labels we've been given. Please help us find one overall label that covers it all." That at least shouldensure that whatever label you're given, is the most appropriate and comprehensive. Then use that officially, but in your day to day stuff - talk to parents, to therapists, to your child, to your partner, and work it out from there. Because how you handle your child is not going to be exactly how I handle my child. What we all do - we inform ourselves, then take what we feel will work for us, and discard the rest.
Glad you found us, sorry you needed to. But we're here to help one another.
Welcome.
Marg