What is behind hypersensitivity?

[ML]

I am going to describe how manster gets at times and ask for help determining where it stems from. Is it likely from the spectrum? I believe it would be construed as emotional lability or some such term.

We had a house full of people. Ones that he enjoys having over, is very comfortable with, etc. I'm not sure what started it but he had a series of pouting sessions. One time one of the adults told the kids (3 tween/teen boys who were very loud and routy, a normal response) to go downstairs and he was pouting that M was mean, why was he so mean, etc. Was up in his room crying. These last anywhere from 5-15 minutes and he usually goes back in but nights last night is just one after another. His friend J and he were fighting about who got to go first in a game we were playing. I had them flip a coin, manster lost, exit stage right. I went up to check on him and he was crying and upset that J beats him at EVERYTHING, when will he ever be the winner. There were several more incidents but I think you get the jist? They always seem to surround him not feeling loved enough or that he is the victim (persecution complex).

I think I'm doing a fairly good job of not giving it too much attention but I'm not ignoring it comletely. If I did he would melt down that I didn't care. Then again nothing works when he is like this.

I just wish I understood this better and how to support without enabling these behaviors. When he gets like this his emotions are all over the place and he truly believes his stories. Anyone else's difficult children go through this? How do you handle it?

Thanks,

 

[Josie]

I think it can be biochemical. B used to be this way but isn't any more. She is on medications and we are doing some alternative methods, so I can't be sure what fixed it.

When she was this way, there wasn't much we could do. She would be sensitive and storm off to her room where she did something that made the whole house shake. We were afraid she was going to hurt herself so if it happened more than once, we would open her door and watch her. That would make her stop that part of it, but we couldn't reason with her about how she was over reacting at all or that we didn't mean it the way she took it. Her insult was stuck in her head and that was it.

We just had to let her get over it. After a certain amount of time in her room being unhappy, we could go in and talk her out of her mood. I'm sure some would say we were enabling her but we had to do what we did to make things right between us. Even if that was the wrong thing to do (and I am not convinced that it was), it didn't make her keep acting that way. Now, many medical interventions later, she doesn't have even a trace of that behaviour, at least for the last few years. I can't be sure it won't come back.

 

[BusynMember]

My son, who is on the high Autism spectrum, is also VERY sensitive and still cries (he is 17). I tend to try to get him out of it...he is basically good natured, but just gets upset quicker than other people. I try not to make a big deal out of it.

 

[Marguerite]

I've seen this. The Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids have a very highly developed (overdeveloped?) sense of justice/injustice and a very minor chiding could reduce them to tears, or totally wither them for ages. easy child 2/difficult child 2 still rankles over incidents from early in her life where a teacher scolded her, often only mildly, for something that was, later on, found to be inappropriately applied. She still harks back on it and complains about it being unfair.

I also have seen the significant increase in emotional response over and above, with certain medication. Ritalin and Concerta rebound looks like this; Strattera looked like this too when difficult child 3 took it, but there was a lot more anger in his reaction, than mere teariness.

With spectrum kids, you're also dealing with their poor social skills and therefore increased difficulty in accepting criticism appropriately. Where most kids can mentally put it all in perspective and generally shrug it off, the spectrum kids really dwell on it and get upset with themselves if they feel they fouled up (because so much of their effort is going into "pretending to be normal" and trying to fit in, so it is devastating to them to realise they are still falling far short of the mark even though they are trying to hard.

It may be something else - but what you describe could fit easily with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). Or it could be a medication rebound issue. Or both.

Marg

 

[ML]

Marg I think you're spot on. Thank you for understanding this. Thank you so much.

 

[HaoZi]

the spectrum kids really dwell on it and get upset with themselves if they feel they fouled up

Gifted kids tend to do this a lot, too.

 

[Marguerite]

Sometimes the border between gifted kids and spectrum kids blurs into invisibility.

Marg

 

[thunder]

ML, you are describing my son. He behaved the exact same way many times. I too, didn't know how to move him out of the mood he was in, and didn't understand why it happened. I did notice that if he had more than one friend over, or say, a house full of people, he can't handle the situation and seemed very overstimilauted, emotional, felt "slighted" at every turn, competed for attention and would "put on a show" in order to have all eyes on him. I try to be very concious now of the amount of people/friends that are visiting. He's does so much better when he has a friend one-on-one to be with. Maybe in addition to reaction from medications or being on the spectrum, its just too much "action" for him to handle? Just a suggestion....

 

[AnnieO]

Jett does this, too... And I did, as well. I still get my feelings hurt by stupid stuff, but the world rarely knows, because I am talking myself down.

I can't give you any insight, but I can offer you and him both hugs!

 

[Marguerite]

Another side to having more kids over and therefore having more problems - multiple kids means multiple social complexity, and a great many more chances for a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid to get egg on their faces. Sometimes it is as simple as that.

Marg