What is with this time of year? Advice please!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tinamarie1, Apr 17, 2007.

  1. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    This has happened almost every year that difficult child has been in school, in the last month of the school year....he brings a "weapon" to school. He does pretty good all year long up until now.
    Kindergarden: brought a hypodermic needle to school (it was in a snappy little case that he liked--belonged to husband, for nursing school)...expelled and sent to a violent offenders school
    Second grade: brought a hunting knife to school to show his friends. was suspended for 3 days.
    And now......I just got a call from the principal that he brought what appears to be a can opener/ pocket knife. The principal says that he doesn't think difficult child brought it to hurt anyone, he saw it as a can opener, not a knife.
    ya know, visions run through my head of difficult child having the knife open and someone getting pushed into him and stabbed.
    This makes me want to pat him down every am before he walks into the school. I don't understand, is it something that the schools enforce strongly at the end of the year?, put thoughts into his head? Last year I even reminded him every day do NOT bring anything to school except you and your books. Thats when he smuggled in the hunting knife. He says that I put ideas in his head! So I said fine, this year I won't ever mention it then. And now look what happened.
    I have a 3rd grader that has 3 offenses for weapons now on his school record!
    He has a behavioral counseling appointment this evening that I scheduled weeks ago....I know I will bring it up to the counselor and see what he thinks.
    Any suggestions? ack.........
    Tina
     
  2. Hanging-On

    Hanging-On New Member

    Sorry I don't have any advice, except for padding him down before school everyday. Personally, I'd be scared to death of what may happen now, and in the future. I'm sorry you're going through this. Others will be along to give better advice than me. Just wanted to give cyber {{{HUGS}{}}.
     
  3. lordhelpme

    lordhelpme New Member

    i learned the hard way today that they don't need to bring a weapon to attack someone(pencils stab too).

    i don't have any advice other than you will have to monitor what he takes to school. i would personally pack his backpack and give it to him as he goes out the door. we do that now for our difficult child cuz he would try to sneak toys to school. little does he know that my hugs go by and getting his coat for him is more than just helping.
     
  4. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Actually I think you hit the nail on the head with patting him down every day before he leaves the house. Yes, it's inconvenient to you and probably not something he will like but it's become necessary. That's what I would tell him too. Until you feel that he can be trusted to leave dangerous and/or inappropriate things at home, this is what will happen in the mornings. Also, once his backpack is ready to go the night before, I would put it somewhere that he can't get to it to slip something in it. Then I would only give it to him as he's literally walking out the door and then watch him in case he's got something hidden outside. I've had to do similar things with my difficult child for various reasons. He didn't like it but until I felt that I could stop doing, that's what happened.

    It's not the greatest thing to have to do to your child but if it protects him and others then it's worth it.
     
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree you may need to check each day. A couple of years ago difficult child smuggled out a knife to school-just to show kids but yikes! Now difficult child also sneaks things he shouldn't have to school such as toys he isn't allowed to bring. I have considered starting to check each day to make sure he doesn't have anything he isn't suppose to have.
     
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    T was likely to cart off anything to school without giving it a thought. Each morning before he walked out the door he got checked over completely and so did his bookbag.

    It doesn't sound as if difficult child is doing this to intimidate anyone. Just that he's bringing it in for the kids to see. Not thinking, in other words as to what the concequences may be.
     
  7. neednewtechnique

    neednewtechnique New Member

    For us, not because our difficult child was trying to sneak objects that could be considered as weapons, but for her own safety, we had to lock everything up in a lock box, plus we were checking her on a regular basis to ensure that she had not "aquired" any new items that could be of danger to her. It actually got to the point where her psychiatrist suggested we not even allow her access to paperclips, becuase they can be sharp objects if unfolded.....

    I know it sucks to have to do that to your difficult child, and it might make things worse at home having that daily action that shows him there are certain ways you don't trust him, but patting him down seems like a reasonable solution. Having a difficult child for as many years as you have, I am sure you already know this, but it might be a good thing to find some time when he is in a good mood and just try to have a conversation with him about it. Having an impulse control problem, you must be sure to tell him that you understand it is hard for him to control that "need" on his own, so you are simply trying to help him to keep him out of trouble. If it causes a problem, talk to his therapist, and if you can convince her to tell him that is what she is insisting you do everyday, sometimes that will help take the blame off you and put it on someone else that he is likely to accept it from. Many times our therapist has backed us up like this. She has always insisted that we try to discuss it with our difficult child first, but if it doesn't go well, she will sit down with our difficult child and discuss the issue, and without letting difficult child know that she talked to US about it, she makes it sound like all her idea. This provides another help because not only is difficult child hearing it from someone else, but now it shows our difficult child that we aren't completely crazy and that the idea isn't so crazy we are the only ones that thought of it. If that makes any sense at all....
     
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Mine also used to do things like this. Not so much because they were weapons but because they were "cool". Down here everyone carries a pocketknife. At least most of the guys do for hunting and fishing. One night his dad emptied his pockets and tossed the stuff up on the dresser. Cory wandered by and was playing with the closed knife. It was just a small pearl handled knife. No one thought a thing of it until Cory took it for show and tell the next day...sigh. Then there was the time Cory took his oldest brothers boy scout knife to school because he thought it was so cool. He didnt even consider that a knife because it had a fork, a spoon and scissors. And lets not forget the time they got him for taking the souvenir nail clippers that he thought were so fascinating. Yes...he didnt learn easily.
     
  9. flachic

    flachic New Member

    My difficult child's counselor reminded him that weapons are for responsible people & that you can't take them everywhere (like church, school, etc). Then, told him a true story about a young girl who brought a plastic knife to school, like you'd use at a picnic, then said some sort of threat involving the knife (not sure exactly what). She became convicted of a 'Terroristic Threat Involving a Weapon' and is a felon. The reality is, schools & neighbors can really push for strict consequences and does he want to see what can happen next??

    I agree with-the patting down thing & I'd refuse to take responsibility for 'putting ideas in his head' (when my difficult child was 9, he'd say the same thing!!). Besides, remind him that regardless of where an idea came from, the action & choice to carry it out was his own (because in later years, it will be more serious 'ideas').

    Along with-this, I'd teach him how to be responsible with 'weapons' and that many things can be seen as a weapon...that he needs to ask himself (hard to do with-impulse control disorder, I'm sure) how someone else might look at what he's doing/holding/etc.

    Regardless...hope your appointment. went well & know you're not alone (my difficult child snuck my husband's pocket knife to the sitter's last week..bad choice there).

    Hope this helps a little!
     
  10. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    If it makes you feel any better (probably not) wm is frisked each morning before he gets on the bus & each afternoon as he leaves school/day treatment to take the bus home.

    My son is known for sticky fingers, along with bringing "cool" weapon like things to school. There has been an entire 3 month counseling period helping wm figure out what is safe for school/home/anywhere & what isn't. A knife is a no-no, as is broken glass.

    As wm struggles to internalize these concepts, he sees a weapon in just about anything - therefore it's cool!

    by the way, the frisking thing becomes just a part of the morning routine.
     
  11. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    Gosh I am thinking "hand held metal detector"? ONly because my difficult child II would freak if I tried to pat him down each morning, of course he freaks over everything, sigh...........

    <<HUGS>>> and prayers to you
     
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