Karenvm
Member
Hi all.
I have posted recently about my 17 year old son, my difficult child. Wonderful kid till a few years ago, and now just a nightmare to live with . Has been smoking pot, drinking, even found out he was drinking cough syrup to get high at one point. Has had 2 one week long inpt admissions in past year, completed two intensive outpatient programs after each admission, and has had constant therapy for a year and a half ( weekly with psychologist, every two weeks with psychiatrist). All this time though, has never stopped smoking. Few weeks ago, found he was cutting school and smoking in his room. Psychiatrist ( who specializes in substance abuse) said it is time for longer in patient rehab, like at least three months. My home is a nightmare because of him. I have two younger sons, 14 and 9, and difficult child has made their lives miserable as well. Last weekend I cleaned out difficult children bedroom, and found an insane amount of pot paraphernalia which had not been there two weeks prior. Also found an empty vodka bottle in a sweatshirt, and then in my 9 year olds room, found two empty beer bottles hidden in the back of his closet. Worst of all was when my 9 year old tried on his snow pants from last year, and put his hand in the pocket and pulled out a little Baggie of pot, along with a pipe ( or "bowl", as I understand they are called). Apparently difficult child hides his stuff now in my 9 year olds things. Oh, and I found two of my sharp kitchen knives hidden in a pillow. Not exactly sure why. He has cut in the past, but doesn't seem to be doing it now.
i have started searching for a residential treatment center, but boy, that's nearly impossible to find! And I have wonderful insurance that covers an unlimited number of residential treatment days! My state (nj) assigned him a caseworker, who pretty much told me that unless he is willing to go into a rehab ( or mental health facility), that there is nothing we can do. I was like, HE IS 17! He clearly can't make a rational decision about his life now!! Then she said that through NJ, it can take months to find a treatment facility that can take him (i dont have "months", he turns 18 in June). I found a center on my own that is willing to accept him (it is in Pennsylvania) but again, they said he must be willing to sign consent and go. This program is 45 days, and then they go from there after they have evaluated him. Tried to talk to difficult child about it tonight, as they can take him this Thursday, but of course he is saying he is not going to go. Oh, and by the way, he is also not going to go to school anymore, because his anxiety is too bad, so he tells me tonight.
His psychiatrist refused to prescribe his adderall, as he is still using pot, which is counterproductive. So it's been about a week without adderall for his ADHD, and he is a nightmare without it. And, he has stopped taking his lexapro as well, because he is mad about the adderall.
So I now have a kid that it spiraling quickly, and I can not get ANY help from anyone!! I asked the caseworker today if we can get a court order to place him in treatment, and she said that without any legal charges, or DHS involvement, that is nearly impossible to do. So do I have to wait until he hurts himself or someone else before I can get help?! This is insane!! Even his psychiatrist is useless. Has no idea how to help get him into treatment.
i don't know what to do. I may try calling someone in family law to see if they can help me. I can't live like this anymore. As much as I love him, I need him out of my home. The things he says to and in front of my 9 year old are beyond bad...but of course, he always says "I was just JOKING", as if that makes it okay. Just tonight, used a very disgusting, derogatory word in front of him, and when I told him to knock it off, he said he was sorry, and then proceeded to tell my son what the actual definition of the word was. He has no "filters" when he is off adderall.
He is totally bullying me in my own home, and I don't know how to stop it. I walk on eggshells.
I am a nurse practitioner, and if one of my patients was diagnosed with cancer, there would be no issue whatsoever with getting them treatment! They would be admitted that day! Why is this any different? His mental health and substance abuse has just as poor a prognosis if left untreated.
Ugh, I am so incredibly sad, anxious, worried. I know many of you are in the same boat. I just don't think it is fair that my other kids have to suffer because of their older brother. I just want them to live in a peaceful, loving home. Is that too much to ask?
Thank you for listening. Oh, how I wish this group met in person!!
Karen
I have posted recently about my 17 year old son, my difficult child. Wonderful kid till a few years ago, and now just a nightmare to live with . Has been smoking pot, drinking, even found out he was drinking cough syrup to get high at one point. Has had 2 one week long inpt admissions in past year, completed two intensive outpatient programs after each admission, and has had constant therapy for a year and a half ( weekly with psychologist, every two weeks with psychiatrist). All this time though, has never stopped smoking. Few weeks ago, found he was cutting school and smoking in his room. Psychiatrist ( who specializes in substance abuse) said it is time for longer in patient rehab, like at least three months. My home is a nightmare because of him. I have two younger sons, 14 and 9, and difficult child has made their lives miserable as well. Last weekend I cleaned out difficult children bedroom, and found an insane amount of pot paraphernalia which had not been there two weeks prior. Also found an empty vodka bottle in a sweatshirt, and then in my 9 year olds room, found two empty beer bottles hidden in the back of his closet. Worst of all was when my 9 year old tried on his snow pants from last year, and put his hand in the pocket and pulled out a little Baggie of pot, along with a pipe ( or "bowl", as I understand they are called). Apparently difficult child hides his stuff now in my 9 year olds things. Oh, and I found two of my sharp kitchen knives hidden in a pillow. Not exactly sure why. He has cut in the past, but doesn't seem to be doing it now.
i have started searching for a residential treatment center, but boy, that's nearly impossible to find! And I have wonderful insurance that covers an unlimited number of residential treatment days! My state (nj) assigned him a caseworker, who pretty much told me that unless he is willing to go into a rehab ( or mental health facility), that there is nothing we can do. I was like, HE IS 17! He clearly can't make a rational decision about his life now!! Then she said that through NJ, it can take months to find a treatment facility that can take him (i dont have "months", he turns 18 in June). I found a center on my own that is willing to accept him (it is in Pennsylvania) but again, they said he must be willing to sign consent and go. This program is 45 days, and then they go from there after they have evaluated him. Tried to talk to difficult child about it tonight, as they can take him this Thursday, but of course he is saying he is not going to go. Oh, and by the way, he is also not going to go to school anymore, because his anxiety is too bad, so he tells me tonight.
His psychiatrist refused to prescribe his adderall, as he is still using pot, which is counterproductive. So it's been about a week without adderall for his ADHD, and he is a nightmare without it. And, he has stopped taking his lexapro as well, because he is mad about the adderall.
So I now have a kid that it spiraling quickly, and I can not get ANY help from anyone!! I asked the caseworker today if we can get a court order to place him in treatment, and she said that without any legal charges, or DHS involvement, that is nearly impossible to do. So do I have to wait until he hurts himself or someone else before I can get help?! This is insane!! Even his psychiatrist is useless. Has no idea how to help get him into treatment.
i don't know what to do. I may try calling someone in family law to see if they can help me. I can't live like this anymore. As much as I love him, I need him out of my home. The things he says to and in front of my 9 year old are beyond bad...but of course, he always says "I was just JOKING", as if that makes it okay. Just tonight, used a very disgusting, derogatory word in front of him, and when I told him to knock it off, he said he was sorry, and then proceeded to tell my son what the actual definition of the word was. He has no "filters" when he is off adderall.
He is totally bullying me in my own home, and I don't know how to stop it. I walk on eggshells.
I am a nurse practitioner, and if one of my patients was diagnosed with cancer, there would be no issue whatsoever with getting them treatment! They would be admitted that day! Why is this any different? His mental health and substance abuse has just as poor a prognosis if left untreated.
Ugh, I am so incredibly sad, anxious, worried. I know many of you are in the same boat. I just don't think it is fair that my other kids have to suffer because of their older brother. I just want them to live in a peaceful, loving home. Is that too much to ask?
Thank you for listening. Oh, how I wish this group met in person!!
Karen