I am the mother of four plus three step-kids. I am at a loss as to what to do anymore or how to start doing whatever it is. I was in an abusive relationship for 17 of 18 years and even towards the end became abusive myself...back to the abuser. I call it defending myself and my sanity. Either way, it was all wrong. My oldest kids suffered from watching their mother in this relationship, from so much, so, so much. They all went through their bad times. None graduation school. They all got their GED's or graduated from a help school. They all suffer emotionally. I see this even now in their lives. I have two still at home. Ages 17 and 11. I feel like they suffer the most. They have grown up in it completely. I am so upset with myself for staying. We all love "him" and make excuses but there is none. My 17 year old hasn't gone to school in years. Since the 7th grade. He is smart and can pass a GED which is his only alternative now. But there is so much he has missed out on and so much he doesn't know from not having gone to school. He used pot daily and I just found out cocaine sometimes. I don't know how frequently. He will steal to get what he wants. Anything he thinks he can get by with. He gets defensive and yells real loud (just like his father does) in order to try to control the situation and intimidate. He cries when he sees he's not winning which use to hurt me so bad. I felt so guilty and awful inside, it's almost like another form of constant punishment. The thing is his dad has smoked pot since the day he was born and around all the older kids too. He is like a big rebellious teenager himself. I have tried for all these years to change him but can't. I am not financially able to change my living arrangements. I blame so much of our kids faults on us. We are the blame. Me for not having any backbone, me for not walking away years ago, me for living this life. Their father for being so selfish, so childish, so mean, so ugly. So many reasons. I now have an 11 year old who doesn't try in school. She's not rebellious at all, she's lazy. She refuses to try in school. They have only passed her to mover her along. She is in the 6th grade and only has a 3rd to 4th grade education. She doesn't know her math facts. She doesn't care. She doesn't know how to tie her shoes. She refuses to try this stuff. She only eats about 4 things so if we don't have those, life is over. Again, a lot of this is our fault. She was born so many years after all the others and 6 years after the last one. I spoiled her, protected her more. At the same time, she won't join in any game. She won't learn to roller skate. She won't learn to swim. She won't go to birthday parties...even for her niece and nephew. She doesn't do anything. Ever. I don't know how to change this. I don't know how to change anything. I work full-time, for the first time in 17 years. That is such a big change but it seems to affect all. My son does what he wants all day (nothing). When I try to talk to him or lay down the rules he throws at me all I've done wrong and where he got all this from and how he can't change, etc. I know I have failed as a mother in so many ways. I don't know how it all got started. I was a good Mom in my first marriage. I got so lost after the divorce and then married my second husband. Now 17 years later I am trying to find my way out and make some positive changes and I fear it's too late. Anyway, my daughter does nothing all day but browse the computer and watch TV. Oh yes, she can't do much manually but she can type, text and use photoshop on the computer. There is so much more but it would take days to write it all, maybe weeks. I am barely skimming the surface. I just need some help. Does any one know where I might find some?