WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ladybug47, Nov 13, 2007.

  1. ladybug47

    ladybug47 New Member


    HELLO EVERYONE I REALLY WANTED SOME INPUT FROM PEOPLE THAT WOULD

    UNDERSTAND. MY SON IS 14 AND A MESS. HE'S HAD A VERY HARD LIFE

    ALREADY. HE SAW MYSELF ABUSED FROM HIS FATHER AT AN EARLY AGE.

    I HAVE BEEN ALONE WITH HIM AND MY DAUGHTER 16 FOR 6 YEARS NOW.

    ITS BEEN A BATTLE AT SCHOOL AND HOME EVER SINCE. HIS DAD IS IN

    DENIAL OF MY SON'S diagnosis SO DOESNT MEDICATE HOM WITH VISITS OR WHEN

    HE LIVES THERE. HE HAS BEEN BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN US FOR YEARS

    AS WE DONT WANT THE STATE TO TAKE HIM FROM US FOR TRUANCY. THE

    SCHOOLS ARE NO HELP AND WILL NOT GET IT. THEY THINK THIS BOY JUST

    HAS BEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS. HE IS diagnosis BIPOLAR, Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), ADHD. I WANT TO

    KEEP MY SON HERE BUT HE WILL NOT GO TO SCHOOL HERE. HE IS ABUSIVE

    VERBALLY TO ME AND MY DAUGHTER AND HAS CAUSED DAMAGE TO MY HOUSE

    IN HIS RAGES. I'VE TRIED SO HARD AND IT BREAKS MY HEART THAT HE

    HAS TO BE WITH HIS DAD AND STEPMOM AS THEY ARE BOTH MENTALLY ILL

    THEMSELVES. THEY REFUSE TO GIVE HIM medications THEN COMPLAIN TO ME OF

    HIS BEHAVIOR. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. I DONT KNOW HOW TO

    HELP HIM UNDERSTAND SCHOOL IS A MUST. I WORK FULLTIME AND CANT

    HOME SCHOOL HIM. WOULD YOU LEAVE HIM IN THIS PLACE OF ILLNESS

    AND DENIAL OR BRING HIM HOME AND END UP IN COURT WITH HIM FOR

    TRUANCY AND MAY LOSE HIM TO THE STATE. I'M SO SAD AND AFRAID FOR

    HIM. PLEASE ANY INPUT WOULD HELP ME HAVE SOME OBJECTIVE INSIGHT.

    THANK GOD THERE'S A PLACE LIKE THIS HERE FOR US THAT ARE LOST SAD

    AND AT OUR WITS END BUT LOVE OUR CHILDREN AND ARE ONLY TRYING TO

    HELP THEM DO THE RIGHT THING.
     
  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    ((((((((Ladybug)))))))))))


    Deep breaths sweetie.


    I don't feel qualified to give you any advice. I saw your post and wanted to respond quickly so you knew that you were being heard.

    There are MANY MANY mommies on the board who will be along shortly with plenty of wisdom in this area. In the meantime, hang in there, post as often as you need to, and know that we are here for you. You did find a safe, soft place to land.

    Immediate prayers to your family.
     
  3. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Well first of all welcome! But I am sorry you had to find us. I understand how difficult it is raising kiddos like this, especially once they enter the teen years.

    My biggest question for you, is, what types of services do you have in place from the school district? Do you have an IEP in place at school based on his emotional disturbances? Is or can he be in an alternative school?

    If the school cannot teach him because he is always truant, in some cities the police will actually come and pick the student up and take him to school, if this has been worked out in an IEP. Also, if the school cannot appropriately educate your son, they have to pay for and provide a place that does, even if that means a residential treatment facility.

    You have a lot of rights, ones you may not even know about, because they are not being talked about a lot by the school administration. Do you have an advocate that is working with you? If not, start learning all you can about the rights you are entitled to, and start demanding these services from the state for your boy.

    Others will be along with more, but you have found a soft place to land.
     
  4. I'm going crazy!!!

    I'm going crazy!!! New Member

    welcome i don't really have any advice since my son is only 6 but i just wanted to send you my prayers
     
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Welcome, and ((((((gentle hugs))))))

    I am so sorry that you are having these problems.

    First off, physical safety is a MUST. If he is raging and a danger to himself or any others, then you MUST call 911 and have him transported to a hospital.

    This is terribly hard. I do not recommend transporting someone bent on hurting you. I really don't feel this is SAFE.

    You can have him committed for a 72 hour hold as a danger to himself and others. This is called Baker Acting, as it is the Baker Act that makes this possible.

    If the cops don't want to transport him, or push assault charges for attacks on you, force them.

    Out of home placement is not always a bad thing. It seems that way in the thick of it. BUT by doing this you can access services through the courts that you never dreamed existed.

    Some kids straighten up after a single psychiatric hospital stay. Not many, and it will be the beginning of the road most likely.

    I do not know the supports you have at school, but the schools are REQUIRED by FEDERAL LAW to do certain things.

    The Special Education forum can give you TONS of help on that. We are blessed with Sheila and Marcie who are amazing with this stuff.

    REad around, figure out what others have done, and what you may want to do. You will want to get any friends you can to help you. Think things through if you have time.

    If he is with his dad a substantial part of the time, then medications are not working. If you don't take them regularly they just don't work, and often you end up with withdrawal symptoms that are horrible. (NOT saying don't medicate, just start to think about getting your ducks in a row so you can make medications effective).

    If dad will not make him go to school, can you have him deprived of custody? It should not affect child support, I don't think. He jsut would only have visitation.

    Get an advocate (besides us I mean). Others can tell you how.

    Be kind to yourself and do NOT allow him to abuse you or your daughter. You have to keep her SAFE, as well as yourself.

    Others will have more advice, so I will go. (((((((Hugs))))))

    Susie
     
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Welcome to the board. :flower:

    Others have already offered some great advice.

    If I were in your situation, I'd bring him home. Dad and grandmother aren't doing anything to help him and you have a small window of opportunity here, he'll be 18 in just a few years.

    BUT I wouldn't bring him home without a well thought out plan and as many services you can manage to get into place. There are all sorts of services out there that can help, but you need to know what they're called and how to access them. Luckily we do have parents here who are well experienced in that sort of thing. I imagine they'll be along.

    Like others have said, take a look over in the Special Education forum too. But an IEP is a MUST. It's an idividual education program set up to accommodate your son's needs to help him succeed in school.

    A tough situation.

    ((((hugs)))))
     
  7. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think I would bring him home. But after I did a few things first. I would make some sort of plan that would insure you and your daughter were safe. Call the local police and let them know your son is coming home and what has happened in the past. Perhaps they can speak with him or at least be aware of potential issues. Second I would talk with the school. Someone above asked if your son had an IEP. With his diagnosis and past behavior issues I would imagine he does.

    If they are not able to help him there, they must find a place that can. It may be time to find your son a boarding facility. There they could work on his medical issues, do therapy, adjust or rx medications, and do school as well.

    I think before I brought hin back into the home, I would have a definate plan worked out for things that could happen. Violence, school refusal, etc.

    I'm glad you found your way here.

    Sharon
     
  8. Irene_J

    Irene_J New Member

    You must have a plan in place before you bring him home. If you don't have an IEP, you must get one or have the current one revised. You can ask for a meeting any time. Address what will happen if he leaves class in the IEP.

    I contacted the Special Education department of the school district as well as the school. The school, unfortunately, does not always have the student's best interest as the highest priority. I got great advice on how to ask for certain items from the Special Education area, rather than asking the school district.

    You might need services (wrap around services, intensive outpatient programs) etc. Do you have insurance? You must call the mental health 800 line to see what's available. Or you may need to use public services.

    For our kids, 14 is a horrible age. What is the consequence in your state if he is constantly truant? Perhaps natural consequences would help him see the value of going to school.
     
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