Just to clarify and not worry you...when I say it will kill husband to put her in a nursing home, I mean that it will tear him up. He won't do anything drastic but he will be feeling very guilty about all of it. Yes she's not compliant with medication related things but he'll blame himself for not seeing problems earlier, not getting her in quicker than he did, etc.
We are at the hospital now. husband and brother in law are back with mother in law now. According to the preliminary report from the nurse, mother in law has (forget how she put it exactly) issues that are exacerbated by her Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) which has caused resp. failure that has in turn affected other organ systems. They are still waiting on the blood cultures taken earlier this afternoon but are continuing the iv antibiotic started at our home hospital. She's on a heavy duty oxygen max that sounds like it's forced air, an iv with a couple of different bags hanging, she's cathed, on the auto blood pressure cuff which she had off and was attempting to take out her iv when we walked in. I have the feeling that she will be in soft cuff restraints before too much longer. She's notorious for removing as much as possible when she's in the hospital.
I'm probably going to go to her apartment tomorrow after difficult child's court appearance and start cleaning her apartment. husband was going to do it today anyway as it normally needs it but now...it really needs aired out. I doubt mother in law will be going back there again so I might as well get a jump on the cleaning before the odors get too bad. We're going to have to trash her mattress and can always get another one if by some chance she does go home. I don't really see it happening though. husband's paternal grandmother is in a nursing home here so maybe we can get mother in law in the same one. Then again, his grandmother has some senility or alzheimer's issues and doesn't know anyone really anymore but we'll see how it goes.
Daisylover...I may call you (do I have a current number?) for info on nursing home payment options. Or if there is anyone in IN who has dealt with this too I could use the advice.
Thanks again for all of your good wishes. I have the feeling we're going to be fairly busy the next few weeks.