Where to go from here...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by KarlaQ, May 16, 2007.

  1. KarlaQ

    KarlaQ New Member

    When I first met my oldest sons they were 7 and 8, living with their dad and his room mate. Their "Mom" (lol)would take them speraticly but my now hubby could never relax when she had them because he never knew when she would call saying she could not handle them, to come pick them up.

    It wasn't till later that we found out that she and the boyfriend were almost constantly drunk, and the boyfriend would insist on the boys being in bed before he came home because he didn't like them. It wasn't unusal for them to get sent to bed at 6pm and told to be quiet or else the boyfriend or mom would severly punnish them. Durring all this we learned that the BFs 13 yo daughter was taking advantage of the boys sexualy, expecialy the oldest, Tim.

    Tim first went to his aunt on the moms side about it (he's very close to her) she went to the mom about it and waited one week to see what she would do. Nothing would be the answer, except punnishing Tim for trying to get her in trouble with boyfriend. At that point the aunt came to my husband and he sat Tim down and ended up going to the police and filing a report. Sence she was a minor and we were moving out of the state (with mom along for the ride moving to the neiboring town no less) we decided not to press charges.

    Mom moved back with the boyfriend within six weeks and the boys would have supervised visitation at the aunts house. After two years of her playing mommy for afew months, going back to boyfriend, playing mommy, going back, and so on she ended up with an assalt arrest agenst my husband, in the hospital, the day my daughter was born! We got full custudy, visitation at husband's descression. Afew months after the court ruling she dissapeared and we haven't heard anything for almost three years.

    Now, that youv'e been caught up, We have had the boys in counceling durring all of this, but moved last year, not long after we moved I found out that tim had touched our daughter (3)inapropreatly, rubbing himself on her stomach. When I found this out I managed not to kill him or go through the roof, I called and talked to the crises center before I even let him know I knew. It took a full month! to get him in to be seen by someone other than social workers, we ended up with an in home counsler who was awsome. She worked with him for two months when she sat me and husband down to talk about the possabilty of Schitsophrenia(sp) he is delusional, sees ghosts, and had voices talking to him telling him to do things. We knew he was always in his own world, had a "friend" he would still talk to that had died when he was five, and generaly had his own special view on life, but we had always just excepted that as Tim.
    We had him tested durring the in home C. but they nixed the schit. saying no, it is Post Tramatic Stress Syndrom, and put him on Geodon 20m.

    But, heres my question, if it is ptsc, where do we go from here, the school doesn't understand the situation, they let the kids tease him for being diffrent and have been no help at all, as long as his grades are up they could care less about his happyness. The geodon has done wonders, but I'm not in his head so I have no idea how efective it is. Does anyone have any experience with this? Help!
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I'm so sorry that you have had to find us but this is the right place. Grrrr...I'd like to wring the neck of that bio-mom, not that it would do any good.

    I would copy this post over to the special education board where they will be able to help you on the school question. There was some wording changes in the last update of federal special education law which might be able to help this but the pros over there can help you on that.

    As to where to go from here-the first thing is that I would want to know that the diagnosis was accurate. What type of specialists gave those two different diagnosis's and what was done in the way of assessment to arrive to those conclusions? Schizophrenia and PTSD can exist together, I believe.

    My other question would be what has been done in terms of living arrangements to be certain that the other children in your home--including his biological brother--are safe 24/7?
  3. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #333399"> welcome to the board. you've found an excellent place for advice & guidance.

    definitely post on the Special Education forum. sheila & martie are a wealth of information.

    childhood onset schizophrenia is a very difficult diagnosis to get. psychiatrists are extremely reluctant to give it to young children due to the serious repercussions it carries. however, whether it's schizophrenia or PTSD it sounds like they are doing the right thing by treating him with-geodon. that should help with-the hallucinations.

    it sounds like they have both been through the wringer. poor kids. there are some people who should be sterilized at birth.

    </span> </span> </span>
  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    As the parent of twins with complex PTSD I can tell you there is no easy or quick treatment.

    If your difficult child is anxiety ridden I would ask psychiatrist for medications to help.

    In the meantime, a therapist who specializes in trauma/abuse issues should be brought into the mix. Once a treatment plan is formed, school should be brought into the plan in the form if IEP & behaviorial interventions. This will be an all consuming project for a while - in the end, worth the time.

    Have you considered a day treatment setting in helping difficult child learn new, less maladaptive coping skills?

    I'm sorry that your difficult child is so very unstable. Do everything you can to protect your other children while finding help for difficult child.
  5. KarlaQ

    KarlaQ New Member

    Thanks for the suport guys, I don't know how acurate the diagnosis is, I'm sure in the years to come it will probably change again. We were seeing a psychiatrist who conducted about 5 hours of testing to come to the conclusion of PTSD, His in home counsler was the one thinking early onset Skit. and she told us that getting a diagnosis would be next to impossable.

    As for the rest being safe, Tim is never to be alone with the little ones, we have made sure of that. This has made it difficult for me trying to find a job, my husband works nights and sleeps untill noon, a "normal" family wouldn't have to worry about child care for children these ages with a sleeping parent in the house, but then we all understand about the "normals" lol

    Timer Lady, what do you meen about a "day treatment setting"?
  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Day treatment involves partial academics (3 hours) & partial therapy, skills training along with group (3 1/2 hours) daily.

    Both of the treatment facilities that kt & wm attend specialize in PTSD & attachment disorder. Know the ins & outs of children who have suffered abuse/neglect & trauma.

    It's not for the faint of heart - these settings have some of the toughest children. They are tough because of the maladaptive survival skills they had to learn while in the abusive &/or neglectful settings. These children tend to come out the other end of those situations very "disturbed". Little to no empathy for others, inability to trust adults (caregivers), highly anxious, very hyper-vigilant & defiant. They have survived but have many scars.

    As to the diagnosis - I would expect, given bio mom's hx of drug/alcohol abuse there are other issues going on with difficult child as well. I would anticipate a level of abandonment &/or attachment issues to say the very least. The voices that difficult child is hearing could be part of the PTSD - in some of the most complex cases our children can & will dissociate.
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I would have him tested by a psychologist- for 2 reasons. One, it will help confirm the diagnosis. 2nd, the report will include recommendations that you can take to the school and that should help them take things a little more serious, at least a little. Plus, if he gets in trouble at school, it gives you something to fall back on.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would stick with a Psychiatrist. They have the MD's. And no matter what the current label is (and, yes, it could change), he's on the right sort of medications. Geodon is an anti psychotic. Hopefully it will help his hallucinations. Word of warning: We had a child we adopted at age eleven and he sexually abused our two younger kids, probably because he'd been abused himself, but he has no memory of it. He abused them badly, and we had no clue that it was going on. Yes, we feel guilty and stupid, but he was really sneaky and he terrified the little kids. My daughter was three and my son was eight and he said he'd burn the house down and kill us all if they told, so they didn't. Unless you can watch Tim 24/7, you don't know how often or how much he is "touching" the other kids. I'd put an alarm on his door at night so it wakes you if he leaves the room and never allow him alone with the kids, even outside to play. I know this sounds extreme, but you just can't really know with a child who acts out sexually. We were not only taken by surprise (and devestated), but it took his being gone one full year before the other kids told us and their therapists the horrific extent of the abuse. At first, they told us he just did it two times, then it became three, then it became a nightmare--it must have happened too many times for my eight year old to count. He got careless at the end or we may still not know! It makes me sick thinking about it and I just think it's a good idea to be overly safe than thinking "well, we'll just watch closer." My kids were so scared of him, they never said a word. You've got a child who is hallucinating. He may get a knife one day--our kid did. Our kid has not lived with us for years and years, but the others have already suffered his abuse. He confessed; we were lucky. If he'd have implicated us, we could have been charged. It does happen that kids deliberately accuse their parents--and social services believes it sometimes. Don't live our nightmare. Don't leave this kid with a sitter. Don't sleep while your kids play. Our boy fooled everyone from his foster mother of five years to several psychiatrists who thought he was a great kid. He continued to be a sexual predator in Residential Treatment Center (RTC). He has a diagnosis of severe reactive attachment disorder, but I suspect other things too, although our boy did not hallucinate. He was exposed in utero to alcohol and drugs and was badly abused in his biological home. Hugs to you.