Why does this feel so different?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TeDo, Aug 12, 2012.

  1. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Last month, difficult child 1 stayed with some friends of ours for a week at a lake cabin. I missed him but for the most part I worried about him taking his medications on time and getting enough sleep. It was peaceful (respite) but not 100% worry free.

    Today, difficult child 2 left to spend a week with these same friends at their house. I miss him already. I mean really miss him. For some reason I feel like crying but I never felt anything close to this when difficult child 1 was gone.

    Why does this feel so different? Why don't I feel the same things as I did when difficult child 1 was gone? This is so strange to me and I actually feel a little guilty for not feeling the same way about difficult child 1 being gone. I'm so confused.
  2. bigbear11

    bigbear11 Guest

    TeDo, You may be a warrior mom but you are also human. I only have one so can't totally relate. But I can certainly imagine that over the course of years, one child may be more challenging than the other from time to time. Doesn't mean you don't love both with all your heart. Just maybe though, the need for a break may be greater for one child than the other.

    Just enjoy the time, relax, and know that you child is having a good time with friends.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I think it has more to do with taking a break and also, feeling protective, than it does with love.
    No Guilt. That's an order!
  4. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    It may also have to do with how much energy each difficult child requires. I would not call it missing him, because I enjoy the break. But, when my difficult child is gone for a week I spend a lot more time thinking about him then when easy child or difficult child in training are gone. Not that I love him more, but because I spend so much more of my time dealing with him and his issues that when he is gone I am a little more lost.
  5. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I get it. While your difficult child was at the lake you had a week of respite that you needed. You still worried about him (which is natural) but you didn't have the difficult child issues to deal with, and I don't think that any of us would miss that! Now easy child is gone for a week and it's different because he's an easier kid. You should NOT feel guilty about it. They are two different kids with two different personalities and there are times when you feel differently about them. It doesn't mean that you love difficult child any less. It just mean that you don't miss the issues that go along with him.
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Bunny hit it on the head...and by the way, if I recall...difficult child 1 was going through a little bit of a thing--or the boys together were not doing so great at that time and you were well ready for a break! Even beyond the usual challenges. There have been times you have mentioned being really glad difficult child 2 was out for the day too....they are just different and so at different times and under different situations you will feel differently about each one. It's not a measure of love, just real life.---hugs
  7. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    I understand how yoy feel!.....
    I love both my kids so very much......But my oldest, the most challenging one so far, is more emotionally dependant on me....I help him alot to regulate his environment and all.....
    My little one is the hugger and kisser....They are both so VERY different! But I do think that there is different kinds of love.....That on some levels you love the one more than the other and vice versa......
    I remember sitting in hospital with my little one few years ago, while he had double lung infection....and I was crying because I missed my oldest so much, who I have seen less than one day ago!!!!!