Why is it so DANG hard to

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Dec 27, 2007.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    get them to do basic chores? Even husband.

    I am not supposed to lift, bend, stoop, reach, or do much of anything for a few more weeks. husband took this time off to "take care of me" and "help" me.

    Why is it that every single garbage can is crammed full, there is still wrapping paper on the floor, and a big bag of pizza boxes waiting to go out?

    I am also supposed to know where everything is. If I don't then someone yells or cries.

    I made them ALL sit down and explained things. husband started in on the kids with a very grumpy "you need to do x and y and z" and I stopped him cold.

    I said "they don't see the stuff, and you don't either. Every single stinkin day you throw a little packet away from one of your medications. Into a garbage can that is overflowing with your little packets. HOw can the KIDS be expected to SEE if You won't??"

    He was not happy. I think the change and increase in cleaning might last 3 hours. But probably not.

    I HATE this. The house is disgusting and I can't change it.


    Thanks for the vent.
     
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Understand perfectly. And you're right, if you don't point it out, it truly is not seen. I've just learned to point whatever out, preferably with some sort of a joke. If I sound serious or exasperated, Marie gets all defensive and it usually gets ugly.
     
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I understand exactly where you are coming from. According to the doctors I am not supposed to stand or walk more than 30 mins per day. I am disabled for a reason. This isnt a nice vacation I am taking.

    My house is a sty. I cant get anyone to pick up jack unless I have a hissy fit. They expect me to drive them places, do the laundry, cook the meals, wash the dishes, cater to them...and do all this with nary a complaint. Ohhh I dont think so! I cant do it. I can barely move with the change in weather lately. Managing to drive Billy to work is about all I can do so if anyone wants meals or clean anything they better do it themselves. I can grab a burger for myself.

    I figure if it gets too bad someone may send the health department in and they can get them for being mean to a disabled person...lol.
     
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Susie -

    NOT FAIR!

    Here's one - tell them you're superstitious and if the house is NOT spot clean by New Years Eve - YOU QUIT being Mom - that includes: and make your line in the sand girl. Or just grab the fireplace poker and draw a line in the pizza boxes, tube socks, newspapers & chip bags.

    (I'm so not funny) but I have been there done that - and when I cleaned house - honey I CLEANED house. Do yourself a favor - send husband back to work and use the extra money for a Merry Maid.

    Hugs
    STar
     
  5. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Gosh...I'm glad I'm not the only one in this sinking boat.

    husband and I had a little tiff this morning because I feel like I'm living the same day over and over again. Every night I make sure the kitchen is clean, :censored2: cleaned up all over. I get up in the morning and it is trashed. (He's a night person, I am not.) I start again. I think I could walk around blind-folded in my house and do the same things over and over again.

    Several times I've tried just leaving it to see if someone else takes care of it. I can't stand it!! I'll admit that I am a neat/clutter freak. But, my GOSH!! When the dishwasher is empty (because I unloaded it) and you can't put your flipping glass in it...I get REAL annoyed. It's 2 inches away!

    husband does not even know where our laundry room is, let alone how to work the appliances. He has a good 4 piles of clothes that lay around the house on any given day. It drives me nuts. Then, he says, "Don't wash anything that is on the floor." Then complains when he doesn't have clean clothes. :hammer:

    I get up this morning and there are 4 glasses of half filled milk around the house...one right next to the toilet. Ewwww... Not to mention the coffee pot still on, as well as the coffee canistor and creamer out, oh yeah and there is the heated up chicken wings and left over pizza with the box on the floor. Then there is the obligatory kitchen rags that are just tossed on the floor.

    Sheesh...I can't even get to real cleaning because I'm picking up other's trash all the time!

    husband is also a box keeper. We have boxes that could pack up the entire city of Vegas.

    Now, toss in the 3 parrots and the house is in real fine shape.

    I can't wait to go back to work.

    Abbey
     
  6. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    They don't see it or smell it. Drives me nuts.

    I usually will look at them and say, "Does that go there?" Or, "Did you notice that bounced right off the garbage can? Why do you think it did that?"

    But, I've also been reduced to just staring. They won't put something away or whatever and I'll just stare at it. They'll try to talk to me and I ignore them and continue to stare at it. Then they finally get a clue that I'm not doing anything until they pick it up. :rolleyes:

    easy child has done nothing since we moved in here Dec 1. He unpacked his room and that's it. He vacuumed once and that was when there was a broken ornament on the floor by HIS door. Yet, when he left to go to his dad's last Saturday he asked me if the house was going to be clean when he got back (cause before the heart attack when I was so sick the house wasn't clean at all. I couldn't do it.). I just stared at him. :rofl:

    They get kinda nervous when you don't speak.
     
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Well, at least I am not the only one.

    AFTER my little sit-down with them I went in and rested. Came out to get a glass of water and guess what??

    I SLIPPED ON A ZIPLOC ON THE FLOOR!!!! Almost fell, jarred everything badly. Dang I am so angry!!!

    It was a BRAND NEW sandwich bag. And of course it had to be on the floor - I couldn't see it (not being able to look down is a real handicap here!).

    At least I am not alone in my trash barge, oh, I mean home!

    Susie
     
  8. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    so sorry you are going through this. Just don't come to my house for a respite as well it isn't going to end up being much better plus the bathroom hasn't changed (redoing it you know) since thanksgiving.

    Hope things improve for you soon.

    Beth
     
  9. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    This is scary, we all have the same families (ones that are helpless) LOL.

    I have two bathrooms and a family room that were being remodeled in 2002. Well, at Christmas my difficult child says to her dad, when are you going to finish these rooms up. I just started laughing, because I know the answer. In our last house, he finished all of the projects two weeks before we put the house on the market to sell.

    I am sorry Susie. Try and get some much needed rest.
     
  10. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    LOL...chores???what is that?? NOBODY does anything except me.

    until yesterday. Had a bathroom faucett that leaked for a year. Had a towel around it. I got a new faucett (thinking it will sit there a year) and woke up during my sleep time and found easy child under the vanity connecting the faucett. AND he did a great job! No more leaking..
    The little things mean so much.. :smile:
     
  11. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    I think they have a different definition of "clean" than we do. When my son was a kid, "cleaning his room" meant that he pushed all the stuff on the floor over to the edges of the room so the middle was clear enough to walk through.

    He's 27 now and when he comes over, I still compare him to "Pigpen" in the Charlie Brown cartoons. He's personally neat enough in his clothing and grooming - it's just his "stuff"! He will come in and park his rear in my recliner, start unloading, and within an hour there's so much "stuff" on the end table next to the recliner that you can't see him anymore! There will be his cell phone and two or three chargers, several books, at least three soft drink bottles, several packs of cigarettes, a whole handful of lighters, nail clippers, tire gauges, all the junk out of his pockets, dozens of little slips of paper, etc, etc. And he takes the good stuff when he goes but most of the junk will still be there when he leaves. He just can't make that 20 ft. trip to the trash can and it doesn't bother him a bit!
     
  12. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Make a list of what needs to be done and give out the chores. Tell husband that he is in charge of making sure they are done, so you aren't the bad guy and you aren't yelling. Tell them all that they need to cooperate now, while you are recuperating.
     
  13. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I tried that approach with homework. I am always the bad guy. But husband just pretends there isn't any issues. While I get the phone calls and emails. (husband has no email. computer illiterate)

    My brother...I remember when I was very young, he took the canister vacuum, hooked it up to the blow side and blew all the dust and things under the bed!
     
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have tried the listing...I have tried giving out chores, I have tried screaming.

    What I am trying now may work...we shall see. I am going on taxi strike. Its a bit like Heathers staring spells but I throw in the phrase "Taxi is grounded until all work around here is done."

    Then I retreat to my room.

    husband is out of town working right now so he cant back me up on this so I have to take cover when I do this. If it means they have to find their own ways to work or whatever, oh well.

    They can choose to either perform the duties that make up being part of a family that lives in a house or they can find their own way around.

    I wrote this long letter to Tony about how all this stress and stuff was killing me and was going to end up putting me either in a wheelchair or make me bedridden quite shortly. I think that made them sit up and take notice. At least he noticed. Now to make the boys notice. Cory is trying somewhat. Billy hasnt lifted a finger in weeks I dont think.
     
  15. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This just is not right. For crying out loud - how long have you been waiting on them and they can not even help out while you recover??!!

    That is soooo wrong!

    However, it really is up to you to make sure they do know what it is you expect of them.

    For example, my friend just had a hysterectomy and of course is supposed to do nothing for weeks. She has been getting up and doing the dishes because they are not done timely enough for her. It bugs her to have them sitting there. HUH?! She then gets angry at the kids for not doing them earlier.

    I told her, she needs to tell them exactly what is expected of them. If she needs the dishes done as soon as they are dirtied, then she needs to make that clear to the kids. Otherwise they will get to it in a day or so. They are willing to do it on their terms - and on hers if she would share her terms!
     
  16. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Oh, yeah. I so know where you're coming from. :rolleyes:

    I like Star's idea. Send hubby back to work and hire a maid to come in. Even if you can't afford it on a full time basis, you could have a cleaning service come in to get the housework CAUGHT UP. Then maybe, just maybe you could get the family to keep it that way.

    I go on strike. No meals, no taxi service, no laundry. Since food is the center of Travis' universe, he's not allowed to eat til his room is cleaned up. lol Works wonderfully. :wink: Although I have to wait til he has a day off to enforce it.

    This is becoming a health hazard for you. Demand a maid til you're better, before the family's shabby cleaning makes you worse.

    (((hugs)))
     
  17. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    I posted a rather long reply but I didn't like what I'd written so I am removing it.

    Instead I'll just say that I'm sorry that you all have to put up with these slobs. I know where you're coming from, I get so disgusted with difficult child and easy child 1 leaving their messes everywhere and expecting it all to be cleaned up for them.
     
  18. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I am sorry you got hurt - but out of tragedy comes - a strange thought

    IF it is "ANY" consolation - I put a large, gallon size, clear plastic zip lock baggie (the cheap kind not the zipper ones, or the freezer ones) on each one of my socked feet.

    I pushed off on my right foot and slid across the linoleum kitchen floor. I pushed off on my left foot and slid back to where I was.

    I almost lost my balance, but I was thinking ahead this time and got my ski poles for balance. And you know WHAT?

    If you put a little dish soap and water on the floor - shoot...you can almost get to the back door like you're in a time machine.

    - But seriously -
    Get a maid.
     
  19. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Oh my..I had been thinking about starting a thread like this....

    Trash overflowing..does anyone think to take it out????

    That would be a negative.

    Oh this one...this one...drives me nuts.

    A pile of dirty dishes in the sink!

    Why? Because no one (besides me, of course) wants to be the CLEAN dishes IN THE DISHWASHER away. So, pile them up in the sink for Mom. In fact, husband just this morning inquired: "Can I put dirty dishes in the dishwasher"?

    Yeah, what's stopping you??

    He just wanted to make sure he didn't put dirty dishes in with clean ones. :grrr: :hammer:

    Awww.whada thoughtful guy.
     
  20. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    I must be the dream husband, would somebody please tell my dear, dear wife?

    I take my dirty plate to the sink, where I rinse it off before I put it in the dishwasher. I know how to tell if dishes in the d/w are clean, and if they are I put them up in the right places. I can and do cook well enough to produce a meal. I wipe off the stove and wipe out the microwave after use. I cover dishes before microwaving. I put leftovers into containers and the containers into the fridge. I know how to sort laundry and set the proper cycles on the washer and dryer. I fold and/or hang up clothes out of the dryer, sort them by owner, and take them to their owner's room. I pick up dirty clothes and put them in the hamper. I take the trash out. I vacuum. I sweep. I mop.
     
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