Wish Me Luck, I am Sure I am Nuts

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Sep 14, 2014.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Please keep a good thought for me tomorrow. We are celebrating my mom's birthday and will have my gfgbro there. I cut him out of our lives a couple of years ago and it has been my mom's only desire to have us all together again. I really don't want him in my life, but I know it hurts her and I don't want that either. My kids are at a point where they are willing to be around him at family dinners now and then, and thank you is big enough to beat gfgbro into the ground if gfgbro gets into his face. that and J being able to handle it are what I have waited for. I didn't tell anyone, but the main reason I cut contact was because a teacher discovered bruises all along thank you's ribs. I hadn't seen them, but when described to me, I knew immediately what had happened. Gfgbro got angry and poked him in the side as he ranted at him. Gfgbro is great at catching you away from the rest of the family, and this was a favorite of him. CPS had already worked with us over Wiz, and they were willing to not make a formal investigation if I agreed to end contact until my kids were adults or big enough to stop gfgbro if he started. At this point, gfgbro knows that Wiz WILL find him and kick his tushie if he steps out of line. How does gfgbro know this? Wiz did it twice when gfgbro got in his face and would not stop. Both of my boys are abnormally strong for their size - we didn't call thank you "BamBam' for nothing as a toddler. He was incredibly strong and still is. Now he is actually willing to stand up for himself, and that is important to me. For years he would not no matter what the other person did to him.

    Anyway, we are meeting for dinner at my mom's, each bringing something, as her 'big' birthday gift. She doesn't know, but my Dad does just in case something has to be stopped, like if Mom gets a migraine or something. That way he can let both of us know. I am sure gfgbro will be well behaved until he gets more comfortable iwth us being around. He was forced into some counselling, so hopefully that has created some better anger mgmt for him.

    I am NOT looking forward to this, not at all. But it will make my mom happy, and after my dad's heart surgery, well, it is time. My mom needs to know that if she or my dad get really sick, that gfgbro and I will work together to do what is needed, regardless of our personal opinions of each other. Well, regardless of my opinion of gfgbro - he never ignores HIS opinions.
     
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sheesh! Let the fireworks begin!
    You are a saint for doing this.
    Bam Bam? ROFL. Good for him. It almost makes me want gfgbro to take a swipe at him. But not really.
    Let's hope that everyone is on their best behavior.
    Fingers crossed. :ambivalence:
     
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Crossing all body parts that all goes well. ((((hugs))))
     
  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I hope it goes well. I am shaking the beads and lighting candles.
     
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Things actually went very well. Bro got a flat tire on the way and that was a problem for him. But when we got there he was waiting right in the drive where he couldn't be seen from the house. This is HUGE. Gfgbro has had severe issues with being on time for his entire adult life. I cannot remember the last thing he was on time for, ever. Not even when we were teens did he ever bother to be on time.

    We walked in together and my mom was finishing dinner. After a few min, she got J stirring the sauce and pulled me aside. She told me that she had not invited bro but didn't want to say anything in front of niece. The look on her face when I told her that I invited him was priceless. She was truly astonished and thrilled. It was nice to see her so happy, and to see my dad so happy. I did feel bad for those first few min of 'OMG!! I didn't invite him - is she going to be upset?" that mom felt when we walked in. I had thought seeing bro and I together, both carrying food for dinner, saying 'Surprise!' would be pretty obvious, but she was feeling a bit frazzled and didn't connect those things.

    Bro didn't actually have dinner with us. He kept working on his tire, which was a severe blowout, not just a flat, so we ate with-o him. When he came in, we did cake and gifts after he ate. He was sort of surprised that I brought a few things for him. Not wrapped gifts, but items to share that I thought he would like. He was esp surprised at how thoughtful the gifts were - not just stuff I had sitting around, Know what I mean??

    As we finished up the cake, bro went into his 'it must all be immaculately clean immediately' thing. I didn't feel compelled to jump right in. I did what I could, and sat down when I needed to. I realized something as I watched him. His Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is so bad right now that he is not actually ABLE to sit down and enjoy a conversation unless the surroundings are clean and tidy. I have seen varying degrees of this through the years, but it was bad last night. Some might have been the stress of the first dinner in several years, but that is NOT all of it.

    The kids did really well. They were fun, funny, polite, helpful and generally delightful. No panic attacks, no problems, and it was really nice to not have either of them have a nightmare after a family dinner .YEAH!!

    Now we will see what comes next. I am glad this step was positive.
     
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Congratulations! I'm so glad it went well. And that your mom and dad were so pleasantly surprised.
    And that your bro was on time, despite the tire! So sorry about the blowout. I know that bothers him. It would bother anyone.
    It's good that you are able to recognize how severely his Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) bothers him, and not let it bother you.
    You have all grown.
    I hope that life can continue on a steady path for all of you. Lowered expectations are a good thing.
    Congratulations!!!
     
  7. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    Glad it went well!
     
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