Worried about difficult child I

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by amazeofgrace, Jan 2, 2011.

  1. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    So I haven't heard from difficult child I (19) since he called house Christmas Day to wish my parents a Merry Christmas. I know my x-mother in law was taking him back to his new girlfriend's house on 12/26. I also see no activity on his FB, although my Dad said he got an email from him the other day. Ugh...I actually dm'd him an invite to take him and new girlfriend into NYC to see tree with difficult child II but he never answered. I keep telling myself I need to detach, I know he'll call me when he "needs something", does this maternal worrying feeling ever let up? OK done venting now!
     
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    It gets much better as time goes by, you find it easier not to worry so much. But it doesn't completely go away. It's nice to hear from them, or even just know someone else has talked to them or something on occasion........when we don't....we tend to worry a bit.

    I haven't heard a peep out of katie since she went into our shelter except for the day she went to the ER and that was like maybe 5 mins of telling me docs did nothing. Nichole bought her mins for her phone for xmas and I know the state has reloaded her phone. She has plenty of mins on it and still not a word. None of this is how they're keeping us busy ect. sister in law has spotted M walking around downtown several days in a row. Which tells me he's going to the library. Quite a walk for a computer fix. But it was enough information to stop me from wondering and let it go. Also tells me M is playing at the library when he's supposed to be job hunting. Figures. At least he's not stopping at my house trying to mooch coffee, cigs, or hang out. ugh

    Hugs
     
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I'm 34 and my Dad still worries, so no, I don't think it stops completely in most cases.
     
  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    I am right there with you. My son is in rehab, i know he is safe. I have heard from him since he and I had a text convo on Xmas day. I have texted him several times to wish him a Happy New Year but it doesn't look like my texts are going through. This bothers me because I at least want him to know we are thinking about him even if he doesn't respond. So I am not really worried because I am pretty sure he is safe where he is at.... but I have this lingering feeling of unsureness. I think it probably gets easier as kids get older, more independent, and their act together. I find I don't worry about my daughter in HS the way I did about my son because I trust her.... but it is hard not to worry when you don't trust them to make good solid decisions.
     
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I found that when my difficult child was on the street, not knowing where she was, I worried but it got a little easier each day. In the beginning I almost feel panicked if she wouldn't respond, and then the peacefulness of our home set in and I didn't have that overwhelming pit in my stomach. Funny thing is when I finally did hear from her, she sounded and looked fine, much better than I was.

    I don't think I will ever stop worrying about her no matter where she is because I know she doesn't make good decisions. I don't worry about my easy child in the same way at all. Sure I worry if it's bad outside and she's driving or if she's having a bad day, but I know she can take care of herself and she always checks in with me so it's very different.

    I've told my difficult child that if she ever has kids I hope she never has to experience the kind of worry that she has put us through.

    I hope you hear from him soon.

    Nancy
     
  6. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    It never goes away, but I think it is WAY worse with a difficult child. I know ,my parents worried about their kids until the day they died, but we were good, attentive daugthers who called daily and visited regularly. difficult children are a different story. We have to do our best to detach where possible and just get through the rest. And, Nancy, I'm nowhere near as nice as you. I told my daughter I was givnig her the Dashcat family curse: May you get one just a tiny bit worse than you!
     
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I tend to think that difficult children only see the world as it effects them. If they are fine...everything is fine. If they are not fine then
    it's time to reach out for family. I've come to pretty much accept that most of the time there is no evil intent...it's just simply that they are ego based in most of their decisions. Sigh! DDD
     
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Dash...My mom told me she hoped I had 3 just like me...and in various ways, I do. My oldest is smart as a whip...book smart and loves to read. Me too. Middle one..well, impulsive as all get out...me too. And then there is Cory...he is me all over again, just male. But he isnt as smart or manipulative as me.

    I also cursed them...told them I wished they had three just like them. Well, I dont think Billy is gonna chance it. Jamie stopped at 2 and Hailie is her Momma all over again but she did get my intelligence gene. Smart as a whip but evil and mean. Cory only has one so far and that may be his only. Would be fine with me. She seems to have missed the bad stuff though I may be seeing a slight issue of learning disabilities showing up...waiting to see if that is happening. Cant tell at 4.
     
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    It does get easier as time goes by. Not a day goes by that I don't think about M, but I haven't heard from him since the fall. I'm sure he realized that he had played out his hand as far as getting anything from us at this point. I tried contacting him early in December but got no response. I imagine that he can't have people feel sorry for him at Christmas if he has family who wants him.

    But, I digress. It does get easier. It doesn't change them, but it allows you to get on with your own life and be stronger for the next time that they are ready to come to you.
     
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