Hi everyone,
This is my first post, though I have been dealing with a Difficult Child for fifteen years. My daughters problems began at age fourteen, going from a perky pony-tailed buddy to cutting, teen pregnancy, lying, stealing. She diagnosed as bipolar at age 20 and seemed to improve on medications, although she flunked out of two attempts at college/tech school, and never kept a job for more than a few months.
Two years ago, at age 26, while living with the latest troubled boyfriend, she announced she’d been doing heroin and checked into rehab for a month. I paid for a sober living house afterwards, but she left after two days and moved in with some guy she met there. We told her not to contact us, but after about three weeks she pleaded with us to help get her back on her feet. So ... we found her a room to rent, and paid the first two months after she got a job within walking distance. She had totaled her car before rehab and we refused to buy another for awhile. I actually thought maybe this was her turn around moment, when she would finally begin to move forward and start a responsible life. We got her a cheap car, but after a few months she took off for a friends in Georgia! Then we learned she was pregnant ( no idea who the father is). We wired her money for an abortion, which she lied about having. She moved back to our area (unfortunately) six months pregnant and moved in with a girlfriend. We urged her to consider adoption, or a maternity home where she could have received support and guidance for two years.
Instead, she had the baby, moved in with yet another guy who quickly landed in jail. When her clunker car died my husband bought a great almost new model and coached her taking care of it so that it would last and she would not need to pay for costly repairs. In two months we found out she had sold it for another clunker- wonder what she did with the cash difference she must have received. since then our lives have been consumed with her daily pleading for money, housing, gas, and now formula, diapers. In October she broke into our home and stole jewelry and tools, an iPad. I know we should have pressed charges, but from reading at this site, I know people will understand why we didn’t. And I understand why many will say we should have. We did get a restraining order and a security system.
In November she said she was hooked on Percocet and was going to a daily meth clinic to detox. Now she says she is clean and working, but she looks awful, like she has lost 20 pounds and aged ten years. I feel so sad thinking of the beautiful, bouncy girl she used to be. Yesterday I met her at the gas station to fill her car. I also gave her $100 worth of formula, diapers, and baby clothes, and offered to buy her a fast food supper. But what she wanted was $20. When I refused she began to cry and beg at the gas pump. I left her there and could hear her wailing my name as I drove off. That’s all I have been able to think about since.
She has already called this morning saying the car has broken down and she needs help or she can’t get to work. There have been two other please like this in the past month. When my husband gets there, the car starts right up and then she begins begging for money.
I txted her last night urging her to put the baby into foster care and herself into rehab. But I know she won’t. Any thoughts, advice, and words of support would be most welcome. I do have a therapist, and have confided in a few close friends, and my husband and I do try to find ways to have fun. We are recently retired and would like to enjoy ourselves and have some peace. Is it wrong to really and truly once and for all to turn a deaf ear to her begging?
Thanks for listening.
This is my first post, though I have been dealing with a Difficult Child for fifteen years. My daughters problems began at age fourteen, going from a perky pony-tailed buddy to cutting, teen pregnancy, lying, stealing. She diagnosed as bipolar at age 20 and seemed to improve on medications, although she flunked out of two attempts at college/tech school, and never kept a job for more than a few months.
Two years ago, at age 26, while living with the latest troubled boyfriend, she announced she’d been doing heroin and checked into rehab for a month. I paid for a sober living house afterwards, but she left after two days and moved in with some guy she met there. We told her not to contact us, but after about three weeks she pleaded with us to help get her back on her feet. So ... we found her a room to rent, and paid the first two months after she got a job within walking distance. She had totaled her car before rehab and we refused to buy another for awhile. I actually thought maybe this was her turn around moment, when she would finally begin to move forward and start a responsible life. We got her a cheap car, but after a few months she took off for a friends in Georgia! Then we learned she was pregnant ( no idea who the father is). We wired her money for an abortion, which she lied about having. She moved back to our area (unfortunately) six months pregnant and moved in with a girlfriend. We urged her to consider adoption, or a maternity home where she could have received support and guidance for two years.
Instead, she had the baby, moved in with yet another guy who quickly landed in jail. When her clunker car died my husband bought a great almost new model and coached her taking care of it so that it would last and she would not need to pay for costly repairs. In two months we found out she had sold it for another clunker- wonder what she did with the cash difference she must have received. since then our lives have been consumed with her daily pleading for money, housing, gas, and now formula, diapers. In October she broke into our home and stole jewelry and tools, an iPad. I know we should have pressed charges, but from reading at this site, I know people will understand why we didn’t. And I understand why many will say we should have. We did get a restraining order and a security system.
In November she said she was hooked on Percocet and was going to a daily meth clinic to detox. Now she says she is clean and working, but she looks awful, like she has lost 20 pounds and aged ten years. I feel so sad thinking of the beautiful, bouncy girl she used to be. Yesterday I met her at the gas station to fill her car. I also gave her $100 worth of formula, diapers, and baby clothes, and offered to buy her a fast food supper. But what she wanted was $20. When I refused she began to cry and beg at the gas pump. I left her there and could hear her wailing my name as I drove off. That’s all I have been able to think about since.
She has already called this morning saying the car has broken down and she needs help or she can’t get to work. There have been two other please like this in the past month. When my husband gets there, the car starts right up and then she begins begging for money.
I txted her last night urging her to put the baby into foster care and herself into rehab. But I know she won’t. Any thoughts, advice, and words of support would be most welcome. I do have a therapist, and have confided in a few close friends, and my husband and I do try to find ways to have fun. We are recently retired and would like to enjoy ourselves and have some peace. Is it wrong to really and truly once and for all to turn a deaf ear to her begging?
Thanks for listening.