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10 Days Since I Kicked him out - so far so good.
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 664472" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I think this is a very important point that TL makes here. One thing that helped me a lot is seeing my son's feelings/actions toward me as similar to <strong>my feelings/actions toward my own parents</strong>.</p><p></p><p>My parents are very important to me, but they aren't and don't need to be a part of my daily life. They don't know all of the people I know. They don't know my daily schedule. They don't know my daily plans and the details of my life. I don't ask them for approval or agreement with my plans. I don't talk to them every day. They live two states away and are in their 80s so I try to call them once a week but sometimes 10 days goes by before we talk. </p><p></p><p>However, I know they are there for me, and we love each other, and we have each other's backs, so to speak. </p><p></p><p>Think about it: As our children grow up---my sons are now 29 and 26---we need to learn to let them go more and more and more until our relationships are more collegial and "friend like" instead of parental. They need this. We need this. </p><p></p><p>I try to murmur benign responses when my sons tell me things about their lives (especially things I don't like or agree with), like, Oh, that's nice, Sounds good, great, interesting, I'm sure you'll figure it out, that must have been hard/challenging/sad/expensive. When we hang up we always say I love you. </p><p></p><p>My son (whose #%@* wedding planning story I detailed on another thread) called me last week to say, Hey Mom, remember when you suggested we get a wedding coordinator? Well, we went to a wedding last weekend and noticed all of the details that have to happen at the wedding and reception, and so...I've been online, I've found one, and she gets really good reviews...and so we're meeting with her next week. </p><p></p><p>My first thoughts were: TOLD YOU SO! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHEN I SUGGESTED IT, YOU SHUT ME DOWN IMMEDIATELY. UNBELIEVABLE! YOU TWO REALLY GO AROUND THE WORLD TO GET TO COMMON SENSE, DON"T YOU?.....</p><p></p><p>But what I said was: That sounds great easy child! I hope it works.</p><p></p><p>Our grown kids (many who are launching late or who still haven't launched) must figure life out on their own, and they must get to the point where they do "life on life's terms."</p><p></p><p>And we have to let them.</p><p></p><p>The funny thing is: The more I let go, the more my grown sons call me and seem to want to interact with me. I think they really like the New Mom, who is not trying to run their business. (at least most of the time, lol). </p><p></p><p>I am living and learning as we are all here. Hugs to you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 664472, member: 17542"] I think this is a very important point that TL makes here. One thing that helped me a lot is seeing my son's feelings/actions toward me as similar to [B]my feelings/actions toward my own parents[/B]. My parents are very important to me, but they aren't and don't need to be a part of my daily life. They don't know all of the people I know. They don't know my daily schedule. They don't know my daily plans and the details of my life. I don't ask them for approval or agreement with my plans. I don't talk to them every day. They live two states away and are in their 80s so I try to call them once a week but sometimes 10 days goes by before we talk. However, I know they are there for me, and we love each other, and we have each other's backs, so to speak. Think about it: As our children grow up---my sons are now 29 and 26---we need to learn to let them go more and more and more until our relationships are more collegial and "friend like" instead of parental. They need this. We need this. I try to murmur benign responses when my sons tell me things about their lives (especially things I don't like or agree with), like, Oh, that's nice, Sounds good, great, interesting, I'm sure you'll figure it out, that must have been hard/challenging/sad/expensive. When we hang up we always say I love you. My son (whose #%@* wedding planning story I detailed on another thread) called me last week to say, Hey Mom, remember when you suggested we get a wedding coordinator? Well, we went to a wedding last weekend and noticed all of the details that have to happen at the wedding and reception, and so...I've been online, I've found one, and she gets really good reviews...and so we're meeting with her next week. My first thoughts were: TOLD YOU SO! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHEN I SUGGESTED IT, YOU SHUT ME DOWN IMMEDIATELY. UNBELIEVABLE! YOU TWO REALLY GO AROUND THE WORLD TO GET TO COMMON SENSE, DON"T YOU?..... But what I said was: That sounds great easy child! I hope it works. Our grown kids (many who are launching late or who still haven't launched) must figure life out on their own, and they must get to the point where they do "life on life's terms." And we have to let them. The funny thing is: The more I let go, the more my grown sons call me and seem to want to interact with me. I think they really like the New Mom, who is not trying to run their business. (at least most of the time, lol). I am living and learning as we are all here. Hugs to you! [/QUOTE]
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