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10 good reasons not to run to the mountains because of the Holiday season?
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 612313" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>TOP TEN REASONS NOT TO RUN TO THE MOUNTAINS BECAUSE OF THE HOLIDAY SEASON </p><p></p><p>10.) YOU NEED NEW TIRES, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO PROPERLY ATTACH SNOW CHAINS, AND YOU COULD HAVE A BLOW OUT OF MASS PROPORTIONS, SHOOT THROUGH THE ALUMINUM GUARD RAIL, OVER THE SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN, BEND THE TOP OF A TREE OVER WITH YOU CAR, LAY HELPLESSLY IN YOUR VEHICLE FOR 2 DAYS FREEZING, NO ONE WOULD FIND YOU, YOU'D STARVE NEAR TO DEATH HAVE TO DRINK YOUR OWN URINE TO SURVIVE AND EAT UPLHOLSTERY FOR SUSTINANCE. </p><p></p><p>09.) BUNNIES, SQUIRRELS, BEARS, HAWKS, HONEYBADGERS, WOODPECKERS, WEASLES, MARTINS, FERRETS, WILD GOATS, MOUNTAIN LIONS, DEER, EAGLES, WOLVES, AND AN OCCASIONAL STRAY DOG WOULD POSSIBLY OBSERVE YOU DOING NUMBER 10 AND YOU COULD SCAR WILDLIFE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AND DNR COULD HOLD YOU LIABLE FOR CAUSING ETERNAL HONEYBADGER NIGHTMARES. NOW WOULD YOU REALLY WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT? THINK ABOUT IT BEFORE YOU EVEN START TO PACK. </p><p></p><p>08.) CONSIDER WHICH PART OF THE UPHOLSTERY YOU WOULD EAT, WHERE IT'S BEEN, WHO'S SAT WHERE, AND SBD'S - BECAUSE YOU KNOW PEOPLE BE CRACKIN' EM OFF IN THE CAR AND BLAMING THE DOG ALL THE TIME. THAT COULD BE YOUR LAST MEAL IF YOU CHOOSE 'OH I KNOW LETS GO TO THE MOUNTAINS AND LAST WEEK YOU SAID HUH THIS GALLON OF MILK IS COLD AND HEAVY, AND NOW YOU OUT IN THE DANG SNOW STORM TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO PUT SNOW CHAINS ON A TIRE AND THEY HAVE TO WEIGH ABOUT 15 LBS A PIECE. GALLON OF MILK WEIGHS 8 LBS. AND YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO STAY IN THE FREEZER SECTION BUT FOR ONE GALLON OF MILK AND YOU GOT 3 MORE TIRES TO CHAIN UP. jUST THANK GOD YOU AREN'T IN A 18 WHEELER." </p><p></p><p>07.) SASQUATCH - REALLY? THIS WAS A CONCERN? AT THIS POINT I'D BE PRAYING FOR SOME BIG HAIRY SURVIVALIST TO TAKE ME OUT. </p><p></p><p>06.) HOT CHOCOLATE, ANOTHER LOG ON THE FIRE, MY FAVORITE ALOE INFUSED SLIPPER SOCKS, CHRISTMAS CAROLS....YEAH DREAM ON PUNK - YOU IN A TREE, FREEZING TO DEATH PRAYING FOR A SALT SHAKER AND DIGGING IN THE GLOVE BOX FOR A KETCHUP PACKET TO PUT ON A FRENCH FRY YOU FOUND DOWN BETWEEN THE SEAT AND THE CONSOLE. </p><p></p><p>05.) BLACK FRIDAY. AGAIN. THE COLD HAS FROZEN YOUR BRAIN - YOU NEED TO WAKE UP, AND TRY DOING SOME AUTO-CALA....CALE....CALE EXPEALE........EXERCISES. YOU KNOW ----LEG LIFTS BEFORE THE STINGING NEEDLES SET IN AND GANGRENE SETS IN AND TAKES YOUR FINGERS. & TOES FROM FROST BITE AND YOU END UP NEVER EVER BEING ABLE TO WEAR PEEP TOE SHOES, OR HAVING MANI-PEDI . MAYBE IF YOU'RE LUCKY GOD WILL SPARE YOU AND YOU CAN BE LEFT WITH A NUB ON YOUR RING FINGER SO YOU CAN KEEP THE DIAMOND AND NOT HAVE TO WEAR IT ON A NECKLACE TO PROVE TO OTHER MEN YOUR'RE MARRIED. </p><p></p><p>04.) EVER SEE A 120 LB WOLF ON THE HOOD OF YOUR CAR AND EIGHT OF HIS SNARLING BUDDIES- STARING INTO YOUR COLD, SCARED EYES, WONDERING HOW SOON IT WILL BE BEFORE YOU HAVE TO REALLY GET OUT OF THE BROKEN DOWN CAR TO TINKLE AND ....</p><p></p><p></p><p>03) DID I MENTION YOUR CELL PHONE CARRIER HAS NO SERVICE IN THE MOUNTAINS AND THERE ARE SOLAR FLARES OF EPIC PROPORTIONS ESTIMATED FOR DECEMBER? NOT EVEN 911 COULD LAT/LONG YOUR FROZEN, TIRE CHAIN NEEDIN, NO-GAS, UPHOLSTERY EATING, FROSTBITTEN, FRENCH-FRY WANTIN', OVERBURDENED BLADDER, WOLF-INFESTED, SASQUATCH LOVIN, INA TREE LANDING VEHICLE SELF - </p><p></p><p>02) BABY JESUS DIDN'T NEED A MOUNTAIN TO HAVE A GOOD CHRISTMAS </p><p></p><p>01) (((((((((((((DRUMROLL) ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO MENTION OF DONKEYS ON THIS MAGICAL. MOUNTAIN TRIP. WHAT KIND OF AAA TRIP TIC SORRY BOOKING AGENT PLANS ANY KIND OF A MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR GOING AAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN EEEEEEEEE WHERE AND DOESN'T PENCIL IN SOME KIND OF BEAUTIFUL SIDE BAR WITH DONKEYS IN IT????? WHAT A LOOSER PROPISITION FROM THE GET GO. that SHOULDA BEEN YOUR FIRST CLUE LADY. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I JUST DON'T NEED A BRICK TO FALL ON MY HEAD TO TELL ME WHEN SOMETHING IS NOT......REPEAT NOT A GOOD IDEA......IF THERE ARE NO DONKEYS OR PUPPIES INVOLVED IT'S PROBABLY ASKING FOR MONEY OR SOLICITING AND ITS JUST NOT WORTH YOUR TIME.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 612313, member: 4964"] TOP TEN REASONS NOT TO RUN TO THE MOUNTAINS BECAUSE OF THE HOLIDAY SEASON 10.) YOU NEED NEW TIRES, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO PROPERLY ATTACH SNOW CHAINS, AND YOU COULD HAVE A BLOW OUT OF MASS PROPORTIONS, SHOOT THROUGH THE ALUMINUM GUARD RAIL, OVER THE SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN, BEND THE TOP OF A TREE OVER WITH YOU CAR, LAY HELPLESSLY IN YOUR VEHICLE FOR 2 DAYS FREEZING, NO ONE WOULD FIND YOU, YOU'D STARVE NEAR TO DEATH HAVE TO DRINK YOUR OWN URINE TO SURVIVE AND EAT UPLHOLSTERY FOR SUSTINANCE. 09.) BUNNIES, SQUIRRELS, BEARS, HAWKS, HONEYBADGERS, WOODPECKERS, WEASLES, MARTINS, FERRETS, WILD GOATS, MOUNTAIN LIONS, DEER, EAGLES, WOLVES, AND AN OCCASIONAL STRAY DOG WOULD POSSIBLY OBSERVE YOU DOING NUMBER 10 AND YOU COULD SCAR WILDLIFE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AND DNR COULD HOLD YOU LIABLE FOR CAUSING ETERNAL HONEYBADGER NIGHTMARES. NOW WOULD YOU REALLY WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT? THINK ABOUT IT BEFORE YOU EVEN START TO PACK. 08.) CONSIDER WHICH PART OF THE UPHOLSTERY YOU WOULD EAT, WHERE IT'S BEEN, WHO'S SAT WHERE, AND SBD'S - BECAUSE YOU KNOW PEOPLE BE CRACKIN' EM OFF IN THE CAR AND BLAMING THE DOG ALL THE TIME. THAT COULD BE YOUR LAST MEAL IF YOU CHOOSE 'OH I KNOW LETS GO TO THE MOUNTAINS AND LAST WEEK YOU SAID HUH THIS GALLON OF MILK IS COLD AND HEAVY, AND NOW YOU OUT IN THE DANG SNOW STORM TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO PUT SNOW CHAINS ON A TIRE AND THEY HAVE TO WEIGH ABOUT 15 LBS A PIECE. GALLON OF MILK WEIGHS 8 LBS. AND YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO STAY IN THE FREEZER SECTION BUT FOR ONE GALLON OF MILK AND YOU GOT 3 MORE TIRES TO CHAIN UP. jUST THANK GOD YOU AREN'T IN A 18 WHEELER." 07.) SASQUATCH - REALLY? THIS WAS A CONCERN? AT THIS POINT I'D BE PRAYING FOR SOME BIG HAIRY SURVIVALIST TO TAKE ME OUT. 06.) HOT CHOCOLATE, ANOTHER LOG ON THE FIRE, MY FAVORITE ALOE INFUSED SLIPPER SOCKS, CHRISTMAS CAROLS....YEAH DREAM ON PUNK - YOU IN A TREE, FREEZING TO DEATH PRAYING FOR A SALT SHAKER AND DIGGING IN THE GLOVE BOX FOR A KETCHUP PACKET TO PUT ON A FRENCH FRY YOU FOUND DOWN BETWEEN THE SEAT AND THE CONSOLE. 05.) BLACK FRIDAY. AGAIN. THE COLD HAS FROZEN YOUR BRAIN - YOU NEED TO WAKE UP, AND TRY DOING SOME AUTO-CALA....CALE....CALE EXPEALE........EXERCISES. YOU KNOW ----LEG LIFTS BEFORE THE STINGING NEEDLES SET IN AND GANGRENE SETS IN AND TAKES YOUR FINGERS. & TOES FROM FROST BITE AND YOU END UP NEVER EVER BEING ABLE TO WEAR PEEP TOE SHOES, OR HAVING MANI-PEDI . MAYBE IF YOU'RE LUCKY GOD WILL SPARE YOU AND YOU CAN BE LEFT WITH A NUB ON YOUR RING FINGER SO YOU CAN KEEP THE DIAMOND AND NOT HAVE TO WEAR IT ON A NECKLACE TO PROVE TO OTHER MEN YOUR'RE MARRIED. 04.) EVER SEE A 120 LB WOLF ON THE HOOD OF YOUR CAR AND EIGHT OF HIS SNARLING BUDDIES- STARING INTO YOUR COLD, SCARED EYES, WONDERING HOW SOON IT WILL BE BEFORE YOU HAVE TO REALLY GET OUT OF THE BROKEN DOWN CAR TO TINKLE AND .... 03) DID I MENTION YOUR CELL PHONE CARRIER HAS NO SERVICE IN THE MOUNTAINS AND THERE ARE SOLAR FLARES OF EPIC PROPORTIONS ESTIMATED FOR DECEMBER? NOT EVEN 911 COULD LAT/LONG YOUR FROZEN, TIRE CHAIN NEEDIN, NO-GAS, UPHOLSTERY EATING, FROSTBITTEN, FRENCH-FRY WANTIN', OVERBURDENED BLADDER, WOLF-INFESTED, SASQUATCH LOVIN, INA TREE LANDING VEHICLE SELF - 02) BABY JESUS DIDN'T NEED A MOUNTAIN TO HAVE A GOOD CHRISTMAS 01) (((((((((((((DRUMROLL) ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO MENTION OF DONKEYS ON THIS MAGICAL. MOUNTAIN TRIP. WHAT KIND OF AAA TRIP TIC SORRY BOOKING AGENT PLANS ANY KIND OF A MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR GOING AAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN EEEEEEEEE WHERE AND DOESN'T PENCIL IN SOME KIND OF BEAUTIFUL SIDE BAR WITH DONKEYS IN IT????? WHAT A LOOSER PROPISITION FROM THE GET GO. that SHOULDA BEEN YOUR FIRST CLUE LADY. I JUST DON'T NEED A BRICK TO FALL ON MY HEAD TO TELL ME WHEN SOMETHING IS NOT......REPEAT NOT A GOOD IDEA......IF THERE ARE NO DONKEYS OR PUPPIES INVOLVED IT'S PROBABLY ASKING FOR MONEY OR SOLICITING AND ITS JUST NOT WORTH YOUR TIME. [/QUOTE]
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10 good reasons not to run to the mountains because of the Holiday season?
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