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12 y/o Daughter Out of Control
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 503003" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I totally agree with what TeDo said. It just seems like there is a LOT going on with your daughter. In addition to the neuropsychologist evaluation, which should be 8-12 HOURS broken up into several appointments, you also need Occupational Therapist (OT) and Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) evaluations for sensory problems and for auditory problems. We were told by an Occupational Therapist (OT) that sensory stuff has to be treated early, but I don't believe it and I would encourage you to PUSH to get them to at least try. WHY? because I, at over 35yo, saw HUGE improvements in MY sensory problems when we learned about what they were and I did the brushing therapy to myself. The Occupational Therapist (OT) said it wouldn't hurt if done properly (done improperly it can cause HUGE problems so you MUST learn it from an Occupational Therapist (OT)) and it also helped my older kids. The results were not as dramatic, but if it helped me it can help anyone. Just in my humble opinion of course.</p><p></p><p>You also need to figure out what happened in those early months. Did her mother abuse or neglect her? Use drugs/alcohol while pregnant or nursing? Those thing can cause HUGE problems iwth attachment. You should also explore attachment disorders - they are a spectrum so there is a lot more than Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) that could be the problem. Those issues need to be addressed by an attachment therapist. </p><p></p><p>As for school, why has she not been given an IEP before this? I know I sound jaded, but PLEASE be aware that the school's motivation is to blame you and to NOT provide accommodations. Those cost money and sadly that is the bottom line in many areas. PLEASE educate yourself on the IEP process, get private evaluations if at all possible (school evaluations look at school issues, private evaluations are FAR more complete and do NOT have the pressure to minimize problems that some schools place on the people doing their evaluations - I know, jaded and cynical but also been there done that.).</p><p></p><p>The sp ed 101 forum and archives on this board are PACKED with help and you also should check out Wrightslaw. They publish books on sp ed law and have a great website that I don't know the name of but is probably wrightslaw.com or something similar. I hope that doesn't send you to a porn site like the whitehouse site does (not the .gov site, the .com one - we have a middle school that let it through the webnanny a few yrs ago, lol). Anyway, learn the sp ed law, and get an advocate to help you fight for her rights. As they are doing the IEP evaluation, they CANNOT expel her for behaviors that are manifestations of her disability. If they deny the IEP, then they can. That is why you fight for an IEP. She has the right to FAPE in LRE - free and appropriate public education in the least restrictive environment. If she has an IEP and is suspended for 10 days then a placement hearing must be held. </p><p></p><p>Be aware that YOU (or actually your husband unless you adopted difficult child) is a member of the IEP team with the SAME rights and responsibilities as ANY other member of the team. YOU can call and IEP meeting if there are problems. YOU can reject the IEP until they meet her needs. YOU have a say. This is SO important. You can also get a parent advocate and I STRONGLY recommend it. The fact that she is capable of gifted level work and is not working to that level means that she needs supports and has some unidentified problem. PERIOD. THEY KNOW IT because it is common sense and is also part of their JOB. But they have waited this long to do anything, which makes me very untrusting of them. You can usually find a parent advocate through the state board of education/dept of education - same thing but different name in some states. They are FREE to parents. You also may find some help from various adhd sites (chadd is the one I am thinkng of - they have a magazine and they have a lot of suggestions for help at school and with IEPs etc.... on their website. I don't know the website addy though. )</p><p></p><p>The books TeDo suggested are going to be lifesavers. They will seem counter-intuitive but they WORK. Doug Riley posts here and was a member here and knew what we thought before he wrote his book. He pops in now and then. Ross Greene's book is AMAZING because no matter what the diagnosis, the method works. it just does, even though it seems like you are ignoring a LOT. Reality is that it will make progress and little else seems to work for more than a couple of weeks for most of us.</p><p></p><p>I hope some of this helps. Welcome to our family and (((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 503003, member: 1233"] I totally agree with what TeDo said. It just seems like there is a LOT going on with your daughter. In addition to the neuropsychologist evaluation, which should be 8-12 HOURS broken up into several appointments, you also need Occupational Therapist (OT) and Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) evaluations for sensory problems and for auditory problems. We were told by an Occupational Therapist (OT) that sensory stuff has to be treated early, but I don't believe it and I would encourage you to PUSH to get them to at least try. WHY? because I, at over 35yo, saw HUGE improvements in MY sensory problems when we learned about what they were and I did the brushing therapy to myself. The Occupational Therapist (OT) said it wouldn't hurt if done properly (done improperly it can cause HUGE problems so you MUST learn it from an Occupational Therapist (OT)) and it also helped my older kids. The results were not as dramatic, but if it helped me it can help anyone. Just in my humble opinion of course. You also need to figure out what happened in those early months. Did her mother abuse or neglect her? Use drugs/alcohol while pregnant or nursing? Those thing can cause HUGE problems iwth attachment. You should also explore attachment disorders - they are a spectrum so there is a lot more than Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) that could be the problem. Those issues need to be addressed by an attachment therapist. As for school, why has she not been given an IEP before this? I know I sound jaded, but PLEASE be aware that the school's motivation is to blame you and to NOT provide accommodations. Those cost money and sadly that is the bottom line in many areas. PLEASE educate yourself on the IEP process, get private evaluations if at all possible (school evaluations look at school issues, private evaluations are FAR more complete and do NOT have the pressure to minimize problems that some schools place on the people doing their evaluations - I know, jaded and cynical but also been there done that.). The sp ed 101 forum and archives on this board are PACKED with help and you also should check out Wrightslaw. They publish books on sp ed law and have a great website that I don't know the name of but is probably wrightslaw.com or something similar. I hope that doesn't send you to a porn site like the whitehouse site does (not the .gov site, the .com one - we have a middle school that let it through the webnanny a few yrs ago, lol). Anyway, learn the sp ed law, and get an advocate to help you fight for her rights. As they are doing the IEP evaluation, they CANNOT expel her for behaviors that are manifestations of her disability. If they deny the IEP, then they can. That is why you fight for an IEP. She has the right to FAPE in LRE - free and appropriate public education in the least restrictive environment. If she has an IEP and is suspended for 10 days then a placement hearing must be held. Be aware that YOU (or actually your husband unless you adopted difficult child) is a member of the IEP team with the SAME rights and responsibilities as ANY other member of the team. YOU can call and IEP meeting if there are problems. YOU can reject the IEP until they meet her needs. YOU have a say. This is SO important. You can also get a parent advocate and I STRONGLY recommend it. The fact that she is capable of gifted level work and is not working to that level means that she needs supports and has some unidentified problem. PERIOD. THEY KNOW IT because it is common sense and is also part of their JOB. But they have waited this long to do anything, which makes me very untrusting of them. You can usually find a parent advocate through the state board of education/dept of education - same thing but different name in some states. They are FREE to parents. You also may find some help from various adhd sites (chadd is the one I am thinkng of - they have a magazine and they have a lot of suggestions for help at school and with IEPs etc.... on their website. I don't know the website addy though. ) The books TeDo suggested are going to be lifesavers. They will seem counter-intuitive but they WORK. Doug Riley posts here and was a member here and knew what we thought before he wrote his book. He pops in now and then. Ross Greene's book is AMAZING because no matter what the diagnosis, the method works. it just does, even though it seems like you are ignoring a LOT. Reality is that it will make progress and little else seems to work for more than a couple of weeks for most of us. I hope some of this helps. Welcome to our family and (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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