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General Parenting
13 year old will NOT abide by house rules...HELP!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 520085" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. Welcome to the board, but sorry you have to be here.</p><p></p><p>This is hard. I am currently raising two teens and have raised two. My experience has been that the older they get the less control we, as parents, have and the more sneaky even typical teen are about doing what they like to do. For example, my daughter, who was also a drug user, had no cell phone because she'd misuse it, but she would use other people's cell phones to talk to her friends. She did not like videogames, but, if she had, she would have found a way to play them elsewhere. As for monitoring diet, it is almost impossible to do once they get older. They will eat what they like and other kids will help them. Schools do not watch our teens the way they watched our little ones. Basically, you son in my opinion needs to incur natural consequences. You are doing all you can to regulate him, but there comes a time when they have to make their own choices and when our efforts are no longer effective. I learned to let my kids rise and fall on their own and face the music...only one of mine ever got into trouble and we did not bail her out so she actually quit using drugs on her own and is doing well now.</p><p></p><p>I think that if your son is getting good grades, which is huge, and you are regulating to the maximum that you can (because you can not see everything) you are doing your job. I think that teens require a bit of flexibility. This has just been my experience with teens. And my two grown kids are good kids and gainfully employed using the natural consequences method. Now when my daughter used drugs, we DID try to intervene because that was so dangerous, but it really didn't help. She had to realize for herself that drugs were destroying her life.</p><p></p><p>Is this your oldest child? Did you ever raise a teen before? They are so much fun...lol <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> Some people may suggest very restrictive punishment for these infractions, but we tried that and in my opinion they don't work well with teens. They get around them and in my opinion again just get more rebellious and less apt to listen to us. My two youngest teens have a MUCh better Mom because I learned that compromise and lots of talking is the key to having a good relationship and at least understanding where one another is coming from.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 520085, member: 1550"] Hi there. Welcome to the board, but sorry you have to be here. This is hard. I am currently raising two teens and have raised two. My experience has been that the older they get the less control we, as parents, have and the more sneaky even typical teen are about doing what they like to do. For example, my daughter, who was also a drug user, had no cell phone because she'd misuse it, but she would use other people's cell phones to talk to her friends. She did not like videogames, but, if she had, she would have found a way to play them elsewhere. As for monitoring diet, it is almost impossible to do once they get older. They will eat what they like and other kids will help them. Schools do not watch our teens the way they watched our little ones. Basically, you son in my opinion needs to incur natural consequences. You are doing all you can to regulate him, but there comes a time when they have to make their own choices and when our efforts are no longer effective. I learned to let my kids rise and fall on their own and face the music...only one of mine ever got into trouble and we did not bail her out so she actually quit using drugs on her own and is doing well now. I think that if your son is getting good grades, which is huge, and you are regulating to the maximum that you can (because you can not see everything) you are doing your job. I think that teens require a bit of flexibility. This has just been my experience with teens. And my two grown kids are good kids and gainfully employed using the natural consequences method. Now when my daughter used drugs, we DID try to intervene because that was so dangerous, but it really didn't help. She had to realize for herself that drugs were destroying her life. Is this your oldest child? Did you ever raise a teen before? They are so much fun...lol :) Some people may suggest very restrictive punishment for these infractions, but we tried that and in my opinion they don't work well with teens. They get around them and in my opinion again just get more rebellious and less apt to listen to us. My two youngest teens have a MUCh better Mom because I learned that compromise and lots of talking is the key to having a good relationship and at least understanding where one another is coming from. [/QUOTE]
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13 year old will NOT abide by house rules...HELP!!!!
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