Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
13 year old will NOT abide by house rules...HELP!!!!
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 520121" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Hi, sorry you are having such struggles right now. I pretty much agree with all of the posts including yours. </p><p>1. you are giving logical consequences, doing what you can but maybe time to back off on the questions and negotiating. Just do as he would have done if he was on his own... mess it up and you lose it. </p><p>2. there could be other things going on and it is good to check it out because more subtle things can be managed by creative kids until they hit really demanding ages like middle school. It is worth checking into in case there is an impulse control issue or adhd-the type where they can hyperfocus on certain repetitive things but procrastinate and lose interest in other areas...or other issues, gifted issues, emotional issues--entitled, depressed, who knows what.... just saying it is an awful feeling to go through years of such things and find out there was an issue that could have been addressed earlier.</p><p>3. check out the book suggested along with parenting with love and logic...that book helps some situations too. You will have to see for yourself. They give a different take on parenting and really do help. It takes a lot of the power struggle out of parenting.</p><p></p><p>Does he need a phone? Can you do the cold lunch idea (he is old enough to make his own). You said you are worried about his learning to handle these things responsibly and I get that. 13 is not an adult though, we are still teaching them. Even adults do not just get things handed to them, they earn them. Maybe he needs to not be so entitled (and that is not a criticism, we all want to give our kids things to make their lives fun and easier....but some kids need that extra lesson to learn it really is a privilege, something to be grateful for). If we don't follow through with our basic responsibilities then we can't afford things. then once he earns the right to have those things back they are with your same controls except maybe on Fri and Sat.... once he shows he can do well with that you can add.... But as MWM says, you can try those things, and they do work for many kids...but if they dont, you may have to let it go and let the chips fall where they may. he is still very young though so you can try to work on the building blocks. </p><p></p><p>I would let the school thing go too...as I was reading your list of issues I was thinking of how the Explosive Child books helps...you prioritize issues and it really does help relieve overall stress which then allows you to tick away at the lesser issues on your list. But not necessarily all at once. </p><p></p><p>It sounds to me like you are a wonderful parent and willing to make hard choices. He sounds like lots of kids, very strong willed and wanting what he wants... hmmm ... yup lots of kids are like that, those with and without disabilities. The world is all about them and what they want, when they want it. But we can try to teach values and responsibility and much of the time, we just have to let them experience what happens when they don't follow the guidelines. I have a hard time with that since my son is so disabled, I often feel I need to manipulate everything to help teach, guide and protect him....but it doesn't do him any service. I do need to let him experience what happens when he makes poor choices. It is not the fun part of parenting at all! Glad you found us, hope you stick around and can feel the support and care I have found in this forum. Welcome!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 520121, member: 12886"] Hi, sorry you are having such struggles right now. I pretty much agree with all of the posts including yours. 1. you are giving logical consequences, doing what you can but maybe time to back off on the questions and negotiating. Just do as he would have done if he was on his own... mess it up and you lose it. 2. there could be other things going on and it is good to check it out because more subtle things can be managed by creative kids until they hit really demanding ages like middle school. It is worth checking into in case there is an impulse control issue or adhd-the type where they can hyperfocus on certain repetitive things but procrastinate and lose interest in other areas...or other issues, gifted issues, emotional issues--entitled, depressed, who knows what.... just saying it is an awful feeling to go through years of such things and find out there was an issue that could have been addressed earlier. 3. check out the book suggested along with parenting with love and logic...that book helps some situations too. You will have to see for yourself. They give a different take on parenting and really do help. It takes a lot of the power struggle out of parenting. Does he need a phone? Can you do the cold lunch idea (he is old enough to make his own). You said you are worried about his learning to handle these things responsibly and I get that. 13 is not an adult though, we are still teaching them. Even adults do not just get things handed to them, they earn them. Maybe he needs to not be so entitled (and that is not a criticism, we all want to give our kids things to make their lives fun and easier....but some kids need that extra lesson to learn it really is a privilege, something to be grateful for). If we don't follow through with our basic responsibilities then we can't afford things. then once he earns the right to have those things back they are with your same controls except maybe on Fri and Sat.... once he shows he can do well with that you can add.... But as MWM says, you can try those things, and they do work for many kids...but if they dont, you may have to let it go and let the chips fall where they may. he is still very young though so you can try to work on the building blocks. I would let the school thing go too...as I was reading your list of issues I was thinking of how the Explosive Child books helps...you prioritize issues and it really does help relieve overall stress which then allows you to tick away at the lesser issues on your list. But not necessarily all at once. It sounds to me like you are a wonderful parent and willing to make hard choices. He sounds like lots of kids, very strong willed and wanting what he wants... hmmm ... yup lots of kids are like that, those with and without disabilities. The world is all about them and what they want, when they want it. But we can try to teach values and responsibility and much of the time, we just have to let them experience what happens when they don't follow the guidelines. I have a hard time with that since my son is so disabled, I often feel I need to manipulate everything to help teach, guide and protect him....but it doesn't do him any service. I do need to let him experience what happens when he makes poor choices. It is not the fun part of parenting at all! Glad you found us, hope you stick around and can feel the support and care I have found in this forum. Welcome! [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
13 year old will NOT abide by house rules...HELP!!!!
Top