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14 Year Old Screaming Profanities At Me
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 757975" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>While there are ways to make them agree, it isn't always best to force the issue. I had a son who would do all the same stuff, but he was incredibly violent also. He truly wanted to murder his little sister, and when he would try, I got between them. Finally we (hubby and I) decided that he could no longer live with us. I managed to get a scholarship for him at a very well regarded boys' home. At that point, my parents asked if they could have a chance with him. I don't know what they did, but over about 6 years, everything turned around. Now he is a great big brother and son, and he has kept a job with basically the same company since he was 16. He is now a manager and has a real career.</p><p></p><p>I would advise you to pick your battles. I would also start making her responsible for anything she wants. She can earn money, or she can go without. As for the screaming, try to ignore it. I know how hard that is. I truly do. But screaming back or getting in her way won't help. Maybe she can earn things back by going X days without screaming at you. I would also have a private visit with the social worker and psychiatrist and askt hem why they think long term treatment is not appropriate? </p><p></p><p>Take video of her screaming, and other types of outbursts. Insist on her therapist and psychiatrist watching them and then telling you how to handle it. If your experience is like mine, they will try to brush it off, esp when you ask how to handle it. Keep bringing them back to the topic. It took me multiple visits to get answers. They were VERY irritated that I kept bringing them back to concrete questions rather than vague answers. I didn't care if they were irritated with me or not. Honestly, I thought they were ridiculous when they got irritated that I wanted a real answer - even an honest "I don't know" would have been better than the vagueness. The one therapist who had never had her own kids used to try to tell me that my son screaming at me for half and hour was something I should know how to prevent. </p><p></p><p>She got REALLY upset when I then offered to send him home with her for a week so that SHE could deal with it and give me REAL pointers. I was told that "Parents who care don't say things like that." My response was "That is what happens when idiots blame parents for things when they haven't even TRIED to take care of kids one on one." We were done with her at that point, for a lot of reasons. </p><p></p><p>I do recommend reading "The Explosive Child" and "How to Talk so Teens Will Listen". You can find them on most sites that sell books.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 757975, member: 1233"] While there are ways to make them agree, it isn't always best to force the issue. I had a son who would do all the same stuff, but he was incredibly violent also. He truly wanted to murder his little sister, and when he would try, I got between them. Finally we (hubby and I) decided that he could no longer live with us. I managed to get a scholarship for him at a very well regarded boys' home. At that point, my parents asked if they could have a chance with him. I don't know what they did, but over about 6 years, everything turned around. Now he is a great big brother and son, and he has kept a job with basically the same company since he was 16. He is now a manager and has a real career. I would advise you to pick your battles. I would also start making her responsible for anything she wants. She can earn money, or she can go without. As for the screaming, try to ignore it. I know how hard that is. I truly do. But screaming back or getting in her way won't help. Maybe she can earn things back by going X days without screaming at you. I would also have a private visit with the social worker and psychiatrist and askt hem why they think long term treatment is not appropriate? Take video of her screaming, and other types of outbursts. Insist on her therapist and psychiatrist watching them and then telling you how to handle it. If your experience is like mine, they will try to brush it off, esp when you ask how to handle it. Keep bringing them back to the topic. It took me multiple visits to get answers. They were VERY irritated that I kept bringing them back to concrete questions rather than vague answers. I didn't care if they were irritated with me or not. Honestly, I thought they were ridiculous when they got irritated that I wanted a real answer - even an honest "I don't know" would have been better than the vagueness. The one therapist who had never had her own kids used to try to tell me that my son screaming at me for half and hour was something I should know how to prevent. She got REALLY upset when I then offered to send him home with her for a week so that SHE could deal with it and give me REAL pointers. I was told that "Parents who care don't say things like that." My response was "That is what happens when idiots blame parents for things when they haven't even TRIED to take care of kids one on one." We were done with her at that point, for a lot of reasons. I do recommend reading "The Explosive Child" and "How to Talk so Teens Will Listen". You can find them on most sites that sell books. [/QUOTE]
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