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General Parenting
14 years old and this is normal behavior..NOT
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 315263" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Ok, this sounds like I'm proposing a overly-simple solution and you might have already tried it anyway. But when my son got like this, I took him out by ourselves a couple of times and just told him I loved him and I'd like for him to tell me what is going on with him and told him if he wanted to talk and tell me what's wrong, I would listen. No lecturing, grilling, etc., no bad attitude from me. Then, I chucked the "behavior plan" because it obviously wasn't working. After a couple of weeks of being a "neutral" mom who had stopped lecturing, fussing, dishing out punishments, asking questions nd being angry, he opened up to me a little. Then, we discussed things he would like to have, do, whatever, and discussed my objectives about keeping him safe, rules for being respectful, etc., and set up a system where he earned what he wanted by doing what he was supposed to. Only things that were clearly unacceptable, unsafe or illegal got punished and those things were not even written in the reward plan. It didn't always work, but it helped a WHOLE lot. And, I gave bonuses if my son took initiative to tell someone when/if something was bugging him and discuss it rather than acting impulsively or inappropriately. Now, the rewards were little things, but he only had to take small steps to get something and this way, he didn't have to wait long periods to get something good in return.</p><p></p><p>Someone here also recommended a book - "How to talk so your kids will listen" or something like that- it is supposed to be great for parenting a teen. I bought it but admittedly, have not read it all yet. I tweaked the concept of The Explosive Child and that helped.</p><p></p><p>If all else fails, duct taping to the bed until he turns 18yo will have to do. (JK!)</p><p></p><p>ETA: Let me add that this does not mean I think you did something wrong that caused this situation. But when things get turned into all negative behavior and parental reaction over a period of time, it seems to take calling a truce, cleaning the slate, and trying a different approach to improve the relationship and try to get the kid back on board again. If this doesn't work, has he broken the law enough to start calling the police? This is a lst resort but sometimes it is warranted and the only thing that works.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 315263, member: 3699"] Ok, this sounds like I'm proposing a overly-simple solution and you might have already tried it anyway. But when my son got like this, I took him out by ourselves a couple of times and just told him I loved him and I'd like for him to tell me what is going on with him and told him if he wanted to talk and tell me what's wrong, I would listen. No lecturing, grilling, etc., no bad attitude from me. Then, I chucked the "behavior plan" because it obviously wasn't working. After a couple of weeks of being a "neutral" mom who had stopped lecturing, fussing, dishing out punishments, asking questions nd being angry, he opened up to me a little. Then, we discussed things he would like to have, do, whatever, and discussed my objectives about keeping him safe, rules for being respectful, etc., and set up a system where he earned what he wanted by doing what he was supposed to. Only things that were clearly unacceptable, unsafe or illegal got punished and those things were not even written in the reward plan. It didn't always work, but it helped a WHOLE lot. And, I gave bonuses if my son took initiative to tell someone when/if something was bugging him and discuss it rather than acting impulsively or inappropriately. Now, the rewards were little things, but he only had to take small steps to get something and this way, he didn't have to wait long periods to get something good in return. Someone here also recommended a book - "How to talk so your kids will listen" or something like that- it is supposed to be great for parenting a teen. I bought it but admittedly, have not read it all yet. I tweaked the concept of The Explosive Child and that helped. If all else fails, duct taping to the bed until he turns 18yo will have to do. (JK!) ETA: Let me add that this does not mean I think you did something wrong that caused this situation. But when things get turned into all negative behavior and parental reaction over a period of time, it seems to take calling a truce, cleaning the slate, and trying a different approach to improve the relationship and try to get the kid back on board again. If this doesn't work, has he broken the law enough to start calling the police? This is a lst resort but sometimes it is warranted and the only thing that works. [/QUOTE]
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14 years old and this is normal behavior..NOT
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