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15-year old son crashing and burning - unlurking
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 395370"><p>Your story sounds so familiar and similar in some ways to mine. I too immediately wondered about drug use... and maybe that is because that is an issue for us. I agree with others though, the fact that he has no money and that you haven't caught him or seen clear signs does not mean much. I thought I was pretty savvy about drug use and it took us a while to catch on too. One suggestion is to take him to the doctor for a check up with your concerns and his failing grades. They will probably drug test him and then will give you a clue. That is how we found out about our sons drug use.... pot stays in your system for a month so if he is smoking pot it will probably find it.</p><p></p><p>The adoption issues are also familiar. We also adopted our son as a baby. He does not have the difference in looks issue, in fact his friends often didn't believe him when he told them he was adopted. However I do think some of his issues relate to how he feels about himself and being adopted. I don't know why this is true, we have also been open and honest about it all the way along. His therapist here really thought a lot of his issues were adoption related.</p><p></p><p>I definitely think therapy is needed.... and you may need to give him some carrot to at least go once and try it. The key is finding a good therapist who works with adolescents that can connect with him. We had this issue with our easy child daughter. Because of all the stress we had been through with our son we felt she needed to see someone.... first session she absolutely did not want to go and was very mad at me for making her go. The therapist was great and she has been going willingly ever since... now of course she is a easy child and so is a different story anyways. My son did have a therapist he liked, and that helped but ultimately did not solve his issues. He is now in drug rehab (he is 19) and the therapy there is intensive and some stuff is coming up that has never come up before which is good.</p><p></p><p>I do think you need to let natural consequences take their course. It is really hard to do. Our natural instincts is to protect our children but sometimes doing so just prolongs the inevitable. My son ended up spending 2 weeks in jail and then learned he really did not want to do that. But he does have a felony on his record now.... however it did get him to voluntarily go to rehab.</p><p></p><p>Good luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 395370"] Your story sounds so familiar and similar in some ways to mine. I too immediately wondered about drug use... and maybe that is because that is an issue for us. I agree with others though, the fact that he has no money and that you haven't caught him or seen clear signs does not mean much. I thought I was pretty savvy about drug use and it took us a while to catch on too. One suggestion is to take him to the doctor for a check up with your concerns and his failing grades. They will probably drug test him and then will give you a clue. That is how we found out about our sons drug use.... pot stays in your system for a month so if he is smoking pot it will probably find it. The adoption issues are also familiar. We also adopted our son as a baby. He does not have the difference in looks issue, in fact his friends often didn't believe him when he told them he was adopted. However I do think some of his issues relate to how he feels about himself and being adopted. I don't know why this is true, we have also been open and honest about it all the way along. His therapist here really thought a lot of his issues were adoption related. I definitely think therapy is needed.... and you may need to give him some carrot to at least go once and try it. The key is finding a good therapist who works with adolescents that can connect with him. We had this issue with our easy child daughter. Because of all the stress we had been through with our son we felt she needed to see someone.... first session she absolutely did not want to go and was very mad at me for making her go. The therapist was great and she has been going willingly ever since... now of course she is a easy child and so is a different story anyways. My son did have a therapist he liked, and that helped but ultimately did not solve his issues. He is now in drug rehab (he is 19) and the therapy there is intensive and some stuff is coming up that has never come up before which is good. I do think you need to let natural consequences take their course. It is really hard to do. Our natural instincts is to protect our children but sometimes doing so just prolongs the inevitable. My son ended up spending 2 weeks in jail and then learned he really did not want to do that. But he does have a felony on his record now.... however it did get him to voluntarily go to rehab. Good luck. [/QUOTE]
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15-year old son crashing and burning - unlurking
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