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15-year old son crashing and burning - unlurking
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<blockquote data-quote="Frazzledmom" data-source="post: 395385"><p>Thanks everyone for your replies. I reluctantly agree about the drug use. He is hanging around with seniors and is very proud of this fact. They are not in trouble with the law and are for the most part headed to college or working but I definitely realize that doesn't make them immune to drug use. I have questions about drug testing but I'll ask those on the teen forum.</p><p> </p><p>Midwestmom, to answer your questions. We met both birthparents and, as far as we know they were incredibly drug free and healthy. He was relinquished because of the family responsibilities his birthmother had...he has uncle's that were in a great deal of trouble so that might be a clue but his birthmother was basically trying to hold it all together. Birthdad was responsible as well and would have kept Skater if birthmom had agreed.</p><p> </p><p>I definitely would consider another evaluation but getting him to comply is another story. We've found a therapist in the community who would work with him and be good I think. We've offered him $10/hour to go (and he REALLY wants more money) but he is unwilling. Does anyone have any other ideas? Our own therapist (we travel an hour to see her because of the adoption experience) has said don't push it. </p><p> </p><p>I'd also definitely be willing to drug test him but the last time we were at the doctors for an injury he walked out because they kept him waiting. I don't think we're getting him back there anytime soon.</p><p> </p><p>Other than the rages, his early development was good. He's physically gifted and can do anything he trys, the first time. Outside the family his social skills are wonderful. He's polite and outgoing. He had a girlfriend for almost a year and a half - she was brilliant, responsible and very anti-drug, was I sad to see her go! If there's anything quirky it's that he's very emotionally immature but looks very physically mature for his age. I've always felt that he's a few years behind.</p><p> </p><p>The thing that has us held hostage are these running away threats. I think he is volatile enough to do it. Thanksgiving Eve was a huge blowup (although we don't yell in our house, just simmer!) and I was up all night convinced that he was going to make good on his promise to leave in the morning and "hitchhike south". "I'm an adult now, I can do it on my own." If I was sure he would just run to friends houses I think it would be easier to let him go but to just go and hitchike south in Maine in winter? That just stops me in my tracks. The downside is that he is really wrecking our family life and my husband and I are feeling like doormats.</p><p> </p><p>ThreeShadows you said that the age of consent in Maine is 14. What does that mean?</p><p> </p><p>Thanks again for your support and advice. I look forward to getting to know all of you! -Lynn</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Frazzledmom, post: 395385"] Thanks everyone for your replies. I reluctantly agree about the drug use. He is hanging around with seniors and is very proud of this fact. They are not in trouble with the law and are for the most part headed to college or working but I definitely realize that doesn't make them immune to drug use. I have questions about drug testing but I'll ask those on the teen forum. Midwestmom, to answer your questions. We met both birthparents and, as far as we know they were incredibly drug free and healthy. He was relinquished because of the family responsibilities his birthmother had...he has uncle's that were in a great deal of trouble so that might be a clue but his birthmother was basically trying to hold it all together. Birthdad was responsible as well and would have kept Skater if birthmom had agreed. I definitely would consider another evaluation but getting him to comply is another story. We've found a therapist in the community who would work with him and be good I think. We've offered him $10/hour to go (and he REALLY wants more money) but he is unwilling. Does anyone have any other ideas? Our own therapist (we travel an hour to see her because of the adoption experience) has said don't push it. I'd also definitely be willing to drug test him but the last time we were at the doctors for an injury he walked out because they kept him waiting. I don't think we're getting him back there anytime soon. Other than the rages, his early development was good. He's physically gifted and can do anything he trys, the first time. Outside the family his social skills are wonderful. He's polite and outgoing. He had a girlfriend for almost a year and a half - she was brilliant, responsible and very anti-drug, was I sad to see her go! If there's anything quirky it's that he's very emotionally immature but looks very physically mature for his age. I've always felt that he's a few years behind. The thing that has us held hostage are these running away threats. I think he is volatile enough to do it. Thanksgiving Eve was a huge blowup (although we don't yell in our house, just simmer!) and I was up all night convinced that he was going to make good on his promise to leave in the morning and "hitchhike south". "I'm an adult now, I can do it on my own." If I was sure he would just run to friends houses I think it would be easier to let him go but to just go and hitchike south in Maine in winter? That just stops me in my tracks. The downside is that he is really wrecking our family life and my husband and I are feeling like doormats. ThreeShadows you said that the age of consent in Maine is 14. What does that mean? Thanks again for your support and advice. I look forward to getting to know all of you! -Lynn [/QUOTE]
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