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Substance Abuse
16 year old son absolutely out of control
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<blockquote data-quote="Zardo" data-source="post: 489138" data-attributes="member: 12490"><p>Wow. First, I am glad you found a place to vent and I, as others will, assure you, many of us have been there and there is no judgement here. I can share with you some thoughts based on my experience, again, no judgement, only suggestions that may provide a window to hope. First, from the sounds of his behavior, I would suspect pretty severe substance abuse. It just sounds all too familiar. The total change in personality, the disregard for authority, the lack of affect of any punishments or guidelines....again, all too familiar. From the picture you painted, it sounds like he needs a pretty serious intervention. First off, if they are finding pot on him at school, why is he not being expelled? Someone needs to send a message to him that this type of behavior is not acceptable, not only in your home, but also in the outside world. He needs to experience some negative natural consequences beyond your home and bad grades won't be enough. It's clear he doesn't care about school. He needs to be humbled in front of a judge. A judge who will actually try to help him by forcing him into programs and drug testing him. You can get the boy who fixes computers back, but it sounds like you have to get the drugs out of his life first. They cannot hear the voice of reason while the drugs are involved. Another approach may be a Wilderness Intervention. There are programs that come take him from your home in the middle of the night and over the course of 6 weeks or so, they clear his body of drugs and a bunch of "broken" kids talk together every day and start to see what they have done to their lives and their families. He will not come back "fixed", but he will come back clear and able to communicate with you in healthier ways with a real perspective about how out of control his life had been. He may still slip, mine did, but he got right back to work each time and is still fighting for a better life for himself. YOu can also call your local youth officer. Tel him/her what is going on. They will have heard your story before and may have helpful suggestions. In my town, you can appeal to the judge for court appointed help, mandated programs and possibly even assign a parole officer so that he has to answer to someone other than you and your husband. ALso - if he does have a gun and you EVER find it in your home, I would suggest you call the police and turn the gun and him in. You need to send a STRONG message that you will not be a victim in your own home. Again, their first effort will be to help. Hang in there - others will have more suggestions.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Zardo, post: 489138, member: 12490"] Wow. First, I am glad you found a place to vent and I, as others will, assure you, many of us have been there and there is no judgement here. I can share with you some thoughts based on my experience, again, no judgement, only suggestions that may provide a window to hope. First, from the sounds of his behavior, I would suspect pretty severe substance abuse. It just sounds all too familiar. The total change in personality, the disregard for authority, the lack of affect of any punishments or guidelines....again, all too familiar. From the picture you painted, it sounds like he needs a pretty serious intervention. First off, if they are finding pot on him at school, why is he not being expelled? Someone needs to send a message to him that this type of behavior is not acceptable, not only in your home, but also in the outside world. He needs to experience some negative natural consequences beyond your home and bad grades won't be enough. It's clear he doesn't care about school. He needs to be humbled in front of a judge. A judge who will actually try to help him by forcing him into programs and drug testing him. You can get the boy who fixes computers back, but it sounds like you have to get the drugs out of his life first. They cannot hear the voice of reason while the drugs are involved. Another approach may be a Wilderness Intervention. There are programs that come take him from your home in the middle of the night and over the course of 6 weeks or so, they clear his body of drugs and a bunch of "broken" kids talk together every day and start to see what they have done to their lives and their families. He will not come back "fixed", but he will come back clear and able to communicate with you in healthier ways with a real perspective about how out of control his life had been. He may still slip, mine did, but he got right back to work each time and is still fighting for a better life for himself. YOu can also call your local youth officer. Tel him/her what is going on. They will have heard your story before and may have helpful suggestions. In my town, you can appeal to the judge for court appointed help, mandated programs and possibly even assign a parole officer so that he has to answer to someone other than you and your husband. ALso - if he does have a gun and you EVER find it in your home, I would suggest you call the police and turn the gun and him in. You need to send a STRONG message that you will not be a victim in your own home. Again, their first effort will be to help. Hang in there - others will have more suggestions. [/QUOTE]
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16 year old son absolutely out of control
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