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Substance Abuse
16 year old son absolutely out of control
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 489708" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>As a mom who dealt with substance abuse, I think you are, first and foremost, dealing with behaviors caused by too much alcohol and drugs (the degree of which you can't know just yet). Regardless of anything else that may be wrong, the substances become numero uno when they are abused because not only do they make everything else worse, but they make it impossible for the child to get stable for anything else that may be going on. Your son sounds like may have had a personality like my daughter...she had always been VERY insecure socially and just wanted to be popular so she did these things to be popular, although it was being popular with the "bad" kids. At least she got some attention.</p><p></p><p>In the midst of all the substance abuse (and we didn't know how bad it got until she quit and told us), she was on probation twice, had one pregnancy scare (false, thank God), and had bizarre mood swings and behaviors. She did steal...that is part and parcel of drug use. They need the money for drugs OR they need to pay back whoever is getting them the drugs. My daughter told me that if you use, you sell. It is not one or the other. It is both. So the child can get into serious trouble with other disturbed, drugged teens. I know my daughter was, although, again, I didn't know the extent of it until she quit and moved to another state. </p><p></p><p>My daughter was in the hospital twice and saw a therapist, but she was good at conning doctors so that didn't help much. In fact, her therapist told her to tell us that we needed to trust her more. Haha. This was a girl who could lie to us with tears in her eyes while staring right at us. So, no thanks. </p><p></p><p>What we could do...the only thing we could do until she turned eighteen...was to go to Al-Anon and Narc-Anon to seek help from the community for us and to not feel so alone. We could not change our daughter. Nothing worked, not even taking her driving privileges from her. She didn't care about that. She didn't care about anything. She would jimmy her window and run around at night at 2am when we were sleeping (until the day she got pulled in for curfew). Then we put bars on her window, but she still sneaked out of the house when we were sleeping. It turned out that we didn't sleep much. When she was missing, we called all her friends and their parents and that wasn't very helpful. Her friends wouldn't tell us anything and half the parents were either beyond caring what their kid did or on drugs too. I kid you not...one of her closest friends, whose mom put on a great act as a PTA mom, ran a meth lab and was busted after Daughter had moved out of state. Daughter told us all about her though...again, not until AFTER SHE QUIT. Everything she told us before that was a lie. Everything. She told me a few times, "NEVER trust a druggie. NEVER."</p><p></p><p> At eighteen, after having frequent visits from the cops, we finally made her leave after having given her a lot of chances. I hope it does not come to that for you. Maybe you can get him to agree to sign into a drug rehab. Maybe he will want to change before my daughter decided to change.</p><p></p><p>Until then you can offer help, limit his privileges to the extent that you can, put on the locks and alarms, call the police if he breaks the law (we did), and GET HELP FOR YOURSELF. At his age, you can't really control him that well, but you can control how you respond to him and you can take care of yourselves and your other children. </p><p></p><p>When my daughter quit using drugs, she was still an emotional, sensitive person, but there is absolutely no sign that she has any form of mental illness or any learning disability (in fact, she is very bright, like your son). At this point in time, I'm not sure a psychiatrist can diagnose him, if anything besides insecurity is there, because he is pretty much drugged most of the time.</p><p></p><p>(((Big hugggggz))))) and take advantage of community resources to help YOU. Don't try to do this alone. Of course, we are always here too!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 489708, member: 1550"] As a mom who dealt with substance abuse, I think you are, first and foremost, dealing with behaviors caused by too much alcohol and drugs (the degree of which you can't know just yet). Regardless of anything else that may be wrong, the substances become numero uno when they are abused because not only do they make everything else worse, but they make it impossible for the child to get stable for anything else that may be going on. Your son sounds like may have had a personality like my daughter...she had always been VERY insecure socially and just wanted to be popular so she did these things to be popular, although it was being popular with the "bad" kids. At least she got some attention. In the midst of all the substance abuse (and we didn't know how bad it got until she quit and told us), she was on probation twice, had one pregnancy scare (false, thank God), and had bizarre mood swings and behaviors. She did steal...that is part and parcel of drug use. They need the money for drugs OR they need to pay back whoever is getting them the drugs. My daughter told me that if you use, you sell. It is not one or the other. It is both. So the child can get into serious trouble with other disturbed, drugged teens. I know my daughter was, although, again, I didn't know the extent of it until she quit and moved to another state. My daughter was in the hospital twice and saw a therapist, but she was good at conning doctors so that didn't help much. In fact, her therapist told her to tell us that we needed to trust her more. Haha. This was a girl who could lie to us with tears in her eyes while staring right at us. So, no thanks. What we could do...the only thing we could do until she turned eighteen...was to go to Al-Anon and Narc-Anon to seek help from the community for us and to not feel so alone. We could not change our daughter. Nothing worked, not even taking her driving privileges from her. She didn't care about that. She didn't care about anything. She would jimmy her window and run around at night at 2am when we were sleeping (until the day she got pulled in for curfew). Then we put bars on her window, but she still sneaked out of the house when we were sleeping. It turned out that we didn't sleep much. When she was missing, we called all her friends and their parents and that wasn't very helpful. Her friends wouldn't tell us anything and half the parents were either beyond caring what their kid did or on drugs too. I kid you not...one of her closest friends, whose mom put on a great act as a PTA mom, ran a meth lab and was busted after Daughter had moved out of state. Daughter told us all about her though...again, not until AFTER SHE QUIT. Everything she told us before that was a lie. Everything. She told me a few times, "NEVER trust a druggie. NEVER." At eighteen, after having frequent visits from the cops, we finally made her leave after having given her a lot of chances. I hope it does not come to that for you. Maybe you can get him to agree to sign into a drug rehab. Maybe he will want to change before my daughter decided to change. Until then you can offer help, limit his privileges to the extent that you can, put on the locks and alarms, call the police if he breaks the law (we did), and GET HELP FOR YOURSELF. At his age, you can't really control him that well, but you can control how you respond to him and you can take care of yourselves and your other children. When my daughter quit using drugs, she was still an emotional, sensitive person, but there is absolutely no sign that she has any form of mental illness or any learning disability (in fact, she is very bright, like your son). At this point in time, I'm not sure a psychiatrist can diagnose him, if anything besides insecurity is there, because he is pretty much drugged most of the time. (((Big hugggggz))))) and take advantage of community resources to help YOU. Don't try to do this alone. Of course, we are always here too! [/QUOTE]
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16 year old son absolutely out of control
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