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Substance Abuse
17 year old daughter sinking fast
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 366158" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Welcome!!! I am happy to meet you, though I wish it was under better circumstances!! This is a great place to find support, info, ideas, and even friends. We do not judge. We "get it" because we have been there done that. We KNOW that it is not because you are a bad parent. (Bad parents don't ask if they are bad parents, or for real help. They often don't even admit there is a problem, or care. At least that is what I have seen.) We won't even complain if you are in an ugly shirt wearing mismatched socks!!</p><p></p><p>There may be an underlying problem that she is self-medicating, but there is little use in identifying and treating it at this point. At best her drug abuse would cancel out any medications rx'd to treat the problem and at worse they might combine to create an overdose that would kill her. </p><p></p><p>You MUST make her life very uncomfortable. Addicts will NOT stop using until they hit their own personal bottom and <em>want</em> to get clean. There is absolutely nothing that you or anyone else can do to make her stop using. Doesn't that svck? </p><p></p><p>You CAN and MUST protect yourself and your other child from her. Especially the other child. I guaran-dang-tee that he knows a LOT more about this than you do. Chances are he has been threatened and/or bribed to hide things from you. It is not uncommon for an addicted child to hide stashes in their siblings' rooms/areas/belongings. When/if the sibling knows about it they have been forced to keep it a secret. </p><p></p><p>Every addict says they are "just" using pot. They are lying. You have probably heard the line "How do you know an addict is lying? Their mouth is moving." Sadly it is NOT a joke, or a line. It is a cold, hard truth. It applies to every addict. </p><p></p><p>When your daughter comes home high, call the police. When you find her drugs, call the police. When she threatens you, call the police. When she hits anyone, call the police. When she puts holes in the wall or damages property, call the police. When she leaves the house with-o permission, call the police. </p><p></p><p>If the police tell you they cannot help you keep calling. It may take a while but they WILL eventually get tired of the calls and take her in. Don't let up on this.</p><p></p><p>If/when she hits her brother you must call the police AND report it to child protection. There likely WILL be an investigation. Tell your son that he MUST tell you if she hurts him. That he MUST tell the social worker and/or the court what is happening. If he is reluctant because she might hurt him, tell him you will do anything needed to protect him. Put a good lock on his door, one with a key. Change to a solid core door if his is flimsy. Do not allow her to be in the home if he is there alone. If she comes in when he is home alone have him leave and go to a friend and call you. even if he has to go out a window on the first floor to do so. Provide him with a personal alarm to use if you are in another part of the house and he needs help with her. </p><p></p><p>Right now your son is learning that you won't do much if one of your kids uses drugs. NOT that you aren't, but that he doesn't see it making a big impact except by fueling fights.</p><p></p><p>It is time for you to attend Narc-Anon or Al-Anon. The groups will give you in person support and let you know you are not alone in this. It will help you set and enforce boundaries and rules. It is crucial that you attend and work the steps. Addiction is a family disease and you have all learned unhealthy patterns from her addictions. All of you need help to break the cycle so that you can live happy lives. The listings of meetings can be found in the phone book or online. Some meetings will be labeled "closed" because they are only for those who have an addict in their lives. "Open" meetings are for anyone to attend. I live in a university town and we get a lot of psychology and sociology students in our open groups because they are trying to learn about addiction from the addicts point of view. </p><p></p><p>Al=Anon has groups called AlaTeen that your son would benefit from. Here they are often held at the same time as one of the AA or AlAnon meetings but in a different room or on another floor so that they are kept separate and anonymous. </p><p></p><p>I hope that you are able to find a way to handle this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 366158, member: 1233"] Welcome!!! I am happy to meet you, though I wish it was under better circumstances!! This is a great place to find support, info, ideas, and even friends. We do not judge. We "get it" because we have been there done that. We KNOW that it is not because you are a bad parent. (Bad parents don't ask if they are bad parents, or for real help. They often don't even admit there is a problem, or care. At least that is what I have seen.) We won't even complain if you are in an ugly shirt wearing mismatched socks!! There may be an underlying problem that she is self-medicating, but there is little use in identifying and treating it at this point. At best her drug abuse would cancel out any medications rx'd to treat the problem and at worse they might combine to create an overdose that would kill her. You MUST make her life very uncomfortable. Addicts will NOT stop using until they hit their own personal bottom and [I]want[/I] to get clean. There is absolutely nothing that you or anyone else can do to make her stop using. Doesn't that svck? You CAN and MUST protect yourself and your other child from her. Especially the other child. I guaran-dang-tee that he knows a LOT more about this than you do. Chances are he has been threatened and/or bribed to hide things from you. It is not uncommon for an addicted child to hide stashes in their siblings' rooms/areas/belongings. When/if the sibling knows about it they have been forced to keep it a secret. Every addict says they are "just" using pot. They are lying. You have probably heard the line "How do you know an addict is lying? Their mouth is moving." Sadly it is NOT a joke, or a line. It is a cold, hard truth. It applies to every addict. When your daughter comes home high, call the police. When you find her drugs, call the police. When she threatens you, call the police. When she hits anyone, call the police. When she puts holes in the wall or damages property, call the police. When she leaves the house with-o permission, call the police. If the police tell you they cannot help you keep calling. It may take a while but they WILL eventually get tired of the calls and take her in. Don't let up on this. If/when she hits her brother you must call the police AND report it to child protection. There likely WILL be an investigation. Tell your son that he MUST tell you if she hurts him. That he MUST tell the social worker and/or the court what is happening. If he is reluctant because she might hurt him, tell him you will do anything needed to protect him. Put a good lock on his door, one with a key. Change to a solid core door if his is flimsy. Do not allow her to be in the home if he is there alone. If she comes in when he is home alone have him leave and go to a friend and call you. even if he has to go out a window on the first floor to do so. Provide him with a personal alarm to use if you are in another part of the house and he needs help with her. Right now your son is learning that you won't do much if one of your kids uses drugs. NOT that you aren't, but that he doesn't see it making a big impact except by fueling fights. It is time for you to attend Narc-Anon or Al-Anon. The groups will give you in person support and let you know you are not alone in this. It will help you set and enforce boundaries and rules. It is crucial that you attend and work the steps. Addiction is a family disease and you have all learned unhealthy patterns from her addictions. All of you need help to break the cycle so that you can live happy lives. The listings of meetings can be found in the phone book or online. Some meetings will be labeled "closed" because they are only for those who have an addict in their lives. "Open" meetings are for anyone to attend. I live in a university town and we get a lot of psychology and sociology students in our open groups because they are trying to learn about addiction from the addicts point of view. Al=Anon has groups called AlaTeen that your son would benefit from. Here they are often held at the same time as one of the AA or AlAnon meetings but in a different room or on another floor so that they are kept separate and anonymous. I hope that you are able to find a way to handle this. [/QUOTE]
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