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Substance Abuse
17 yr old son doing drugs, hanging w members of a gang in NY
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 675682" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>All of it, all, is in this passage above.</p><p></p><p>I will tell you what I think with the caveat that I do not know you or your son. And that I blew it in almost all ways until I wised up.</p><p></p><p>First, the abuse has to stop. And he will not stop it. You must. There is no reason what so ever to believe anything at all will change under your roof. Why would it? What is the motivation? All the cards have been played. It is as if to say, let us go back to that poker hand half an hour ago, the one where I had two aces and two kings?</p><p></p><p>Of everything that has entered into our discussions on this thread, the most promising, I think are the kibbutz and cooking school, preferably one like the London one. Your son has already rejected Job Corps. Do you really think that will work, if he does not want it?</p><p></p><p>He has said he would like to emancipate. If that is an option given his legal situation, it sounds like that has been decided, already. Because in reality he has already emancipated himself.</p><p></p><p>I question why he would require financial help from you if he is emancipated, when he has already demonstrated he can work full time?</p><p></p><p>It would seem to me to be a recipe for disaster. Nothing comes for free. What parent would feel if they were paying for part of the rent, that they did not have a right to some expectations or control? And as long as you have your fingers in things, even if you had not one expectation, he would feel you did, and rebel against it? To continue subsidizing him even partly would create the expectation in you or him or both that there was still some controlling going on--and some obligation--or fighting against that perception. </p><p></p><p>How would you feel if he was dealing drugs from that apartment and you were paying part of the rent? What would you do? </p><p></p><p>I have rank ordered what the possibilities would be for me (only me):</p><p></p><p></p><p>1. Kibbutz--here he would be as if emancipated, but with guidance and oversight. He would be away from harmful influences. Hopefully. (Because I have to tell you here, that I have secretly feared that my son could join some terrorist group. Think about it. The ultimate rebellion of it. I would be fearful because of what Netanyahu calls the "dangerous neighborhood."</p><p>2. Emancipate completely. He pay for all. You pay for nothing.</p><p>3. Job Corps (his decision, but has he not rejected this idea?)</p><p>4. Cooking School--but really, this would be messy. Because you would be paying and he could do whatever he wanted. On your dime. </p><p>5. Stay at home with conditions. But why in the world would anything change? </p><p></p><p>The only clean option is emancipation. If he did this he could go to a kibbutz. He could go to Job Corps. He could go to cooking school, and ask you for help. He could even hypothetically ask to stay home. He could make you the offer and set forth his conditions. What he needs, what he could give.</p><p></p><p>I think it all depends upon what the attorney says next week. </p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 675682, member: 18958"] All of it, all, is in this passage above. I will tell you what I think with the caveat that I do not know you or your son. And that I blew it in almost all ways until I wised up. First, the abuse has to stop. And he will not stop it. You must. There is no reason what so ever to believe anything at all will change under your roof. Why would it? What is the motivation? All the cards have been played. It is as if to say, let us go back to that poker hand half an hour ago, the one where I had two aces and two kings? Of everything that has entered into our discussions on this thread, the most promising, I think are the kibbutz and cooking school, preferably one like the London one. Your son has already rejected Job Corps. Do you really think that will work, if he does not want it? He has said he would like to emancipate. If that is an option given his legal situation, it sounds like that has been decided, already. Because in reality he has already emancipated himself. I question why he would require financial help from you if he is emancipated, when he has already demonstrated he can work full time? It would seem to me to be a recipe for disaster. Nothing comes for free. What parent would feel if they were paying for part of the rent, that they did not have a right to some expectations or control? And as long as you have your fingers in things, even if you had not one expectation, he would feel you did, and rebel against it? To continue subsidizing him even partly would create the expectation in you or him or both that there was still some controlling going on--and some obligation--or fighting against that perception. How would you feel if he was dealing drugs from that apartment and you were paying part of the rent? What would you do? I have rank ordered what the possibilities would be for me (only me): 1. Kibbutz--here he would be as if emancipated, but with guidance and oversight. He would be away from harmful influences. Hopefully. (Because I have to tell you here, that I have secretly feared that my son could join some terrorist group. Think about it. The ultimate rebellion of it. I would be fearful because of what Netanyahu calls the "dangerous neighborhood." 2. Emancipate completely. He pay for all. You pay for nothing. 3. Job Corps (his decision, but has he not rejected this idea?) 4. Cooking School--but really, this would be messy. Because you would be paying and he could do whatever he wanted. On your dime. 5. Stay at home with conditions. But why in the world would anything change? The only clean option is emancipation. If he did this he could go to a kibbutz. He could go to Job Corps. He could go to cooking school, and ask you for help. He could even hypothetically ask to stay home. He could make you the offer and set forth his conditions. What he needs, what he could give. I think it all depends upon what the attorney says next week. COPA [/QUOTE]
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17 yr old son doing drugs, hanging w members of a gang in NY
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