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Substance Abuse
17 yr old son doing drugs, hanging w members of a gang in NY
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<blockquote data-quote="defiantchild" data-source="post: 675729" data-attributes="member: 18543"><p>Copa,</p><p></p><p>Thank you for the message...I emailed my rabbi's wife last night about the Israeli Kibbutz programs...Waiting to hear back if she has any suggestions. I think it's a good idea to speak with my Rabbi. I will call him tomorrow. </p><p></p><p>I agree with you that at least initially my son will not choose well. I agree that he will likely continue to make poor choices. But aren't we just enabling him by letting him stay here? We have no control over</p><p>him whatsoever. </p><p></p><p>If we ask him to clean up after himself in the kitchen, or do some sort of chore in the house, he does it (most of the time, not always, and often with multiple reminders). He doesn't normally give us attitude when we ask him to do things. He isn't disrespectful to us in that manner. His room is normally a mess. I've given up on that. </p><p></p><p>The problem is the hours he keeps, the staying out all night, the sneaking out in the middle of the night, the drugs, the lying, and more lying. We cannot do anything to change that behavior. My husband and I didn't even say a word to him when he woke up this morning in his own bed - must have returned home at some crazy hour - after not hearing from him at all since dinner Friday night. It's almost like why even bother? It's so unhealthy, the whole dynamic. It's unhealthy for him to have no rules, no structure and to know that he can get away with anything he wants because we have no way of enforcing anything. He figures out how to break every rule. It's unhealthy for us to live like this. </p><p></p><p>I know there are risks in emancipating him. But there are risks in the status quo.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="defiantchild, post: 675729, member: 18543"] Copa, Thank you for the message...I emailed my rabbi's wife last night about the Israeli Kibbutz programs...Waiting to hear back if she has any suggestions. I think it's a good idea to speak with my Rabbi. I will call him tomorrow. I agree with you that at least initially my son will not choose well. I agree that he will likely continue to make poor choices. But aren't we just enabling him by letting him stay here? We have no control over him whatsoever. If we ask him to clean up after himself in the kitchen, or do some sort of chore in the house, he does it (most of the time, not always, and often with multiple reminders). He doesn't normally give us attitude when we ask him to do things. He isn't disrespectful to us in that manner. His room is normally a mess. I've given up on that. The problem is the hours he keeps, the staying out all night, the sneaking out in the middle of the night, the drugs, the lying, and more lying. We cannot do anything to change that behavior. My husband and I didn't even say a word to him when he woke up this morning in his own bed - must have returned home at some crazy hour - after not hearing from him at all since dinner Friday night. It's almost like why even bother? It's so unhealthy, the whole dynamic. It's unhealthy for him to have no rules, no structure and to know that he can get away with anything he wants because we have no way of enforcing anything. He figures out how to break every rule. It's unhealthy for us to live like this. I know there are risks in emancipating him. But there are risks in the status quo. [/QUOTE]
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17 yr old son doing drugs, hanging w members of a gang in NY
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