Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
17 yr old
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 367217" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>In this one I have to say I vote with your family. Has he ever been evaluated for mental illness, including personality disorders? It seems there is something seriously wrong with him as he shows so little caring or concern for you. I would be very scared if he were living with me as there seems to be some potential for violence.</p><p></p><p>You cannot kick him out, but if he CHOOSES to leave no one will drag him back. Many parents here have chosen to provide only the bare minimum required by law and their kids do sometimes choose to go live with others.</p><p></p><p>What that means is the parents go in when the child is not home and they strip his room of everything but a mattress on the floor, sheets, pillow and blanket, a lamp if there is no ceiling light fixture, and 7-10 outfits of clothing. The clothing does NOT have to be what he wants or likes. It has to cover his body. Period. Only one pair of shoes is needed. If his clothes are vulgar, or you object to them (pants that hang super low, are torn up, have objectionable phrases on them, etc...) you can to to a thrift store and buy him clothes there and get rid of what he has.</p><p></p><p>As he is a minor he owns NOTHING. Regardless of if it is in his room or not, or whomever paid for it. Until he is 18 he legally owns nothing. Be VERY careful when he turns 18. Some states/towns/cities have laws that say that you cannot just toss an adult out. Even parents have to EVICT them formally via the courts if the person has spent as little as ONE night in the home as an adult. We had one member who's adult child let a friend spend the night because the friend had been kicked out of where she was living. The next day the police refused to remove the friend when she would not leave because the law said they had to go though a formal eviction! Since then others have learned that it is the case in many areas, bizarre as it seems.</p><p></p><p>Many of us use the principle "Do to Get" as our guide with our teens and adult difficult children. If they want something, they have to do something to get it. Turn off the cable, internet, etc... unless it is for YOU. Put the computer in a room with a lock on the door. If he breaks the door or the lock, call the police and charge him with destruction of property. If he wants to use them he has to do a chore YOUR WAY or he gets nothing. If he has been asked to clean something and does not do it, hire someone to do it. If he cannot pay the person, pawn his video game system. Pay the person and give him the pawn ticket. If he wants the game back he can go get a job to pay for it. </p><p></p><p>It does not sound like he would follow the laws in a car because he seems to have no respect for authority or rules. I would take him off the insurance, if he has a car either take the keys or disable it, and if need be, sell it. If he drives it with-o insurance call the cops and report him. Refuse to pay any fines or to bail him out of jail if he is taken to jail.</p><p></p><p>You are pretty much too late to make much headway if you pursue treatment for mental illness (if he has a mental illness). In some states he is already old enough to refuse treatment, esp psychiatric treatment. It varies from state to state. Some states say the age of consent for mental illness/medical treatment is 14, others are later up to age 18. Realistically, if he doesn't want to cooperate with treatment there is NOTHING anyone can do to make him except to make his life so miserably that he wants to change.</p><p></p><p>Some of these steps are more drastic than parents can handle doing. Whatever happens you need to be able to enforce everything you say you will do. If you cannot throw him out then don't tell him that you will. </p><p></p><p>I recommend reading Parenting Teens with Love and Logic. You can find it online at most any book website or from <a href="http://www.loveandlogic.com" target="_blank">www.loveandlogic.com</a>.</p><p></p><p>Whatever you choose to do, keep coming back here for support!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 367217, member: 1233"] In this one I have to say I vote with your family. Has he ever been evaluated for mental illness, including personality disorders? It seems there is something seriously wrong with him as he shows so little caring or concern for you. I would be very scared if he were living with me as there seems to be some potential for violence. You cannot kick him out, but if he CHOOSES to leave no one will drag him back. Many parents here have chosen to provide only the bare minimum required by law and their kids do sometimes choose to go live with others. What that means is the parents go in when the child is not home and they strip his room of everything but a mattress on the floor, sheets, pillow and blanket, a lamp if there is no ceiling light fixture, and 7-10 outfits of clothing. The clothing does NOT have to be what he wants or likes. It has to cover his body. Period. Only one pair of shoes is needed. If his clothes are vulgar, or you object to them (pants that hang super low, are torn up, have objectionable phrases on them, etc...) you can to to a thrift store and buy him clothes there and get rid of what he has. As he is a minor he owns NOTHING. Regardless of if it is in his room or not, or whomever paid for it. Until he is 18 he legally owns nothing. Be VERY careful when he turns 18. Some states/towns/cities have laws that say that you cannot just toss an adult out. Even parents have to EVICT them formally via the courts if the person has spent as little as ONE night in the home as an adult. We had one member who's adult child let a friend spend the night because the friend had been kicked out of where she was living. The next day the police refused to remove the friend when she would not leave because the law said they had to go though a formal eviction! Since then others have learned that it is the case in many areas, bizarre as it seems. Many of us use the principle "Do to Get" as our guide with our teens and adult difficult children. If they want something, they have to do something to get it. Turn off the cable, internet, etc... unless it is for YOU. Put the computer in a room with a lock on the door. If he breaks the door or the lock, call the police and charge him with destruction of property. If he wants to use them he has to do a chore YOUR WAY or he gets nothing. If he has been asked to clean something and does not do it, hire someone to do it. If he cannot pay the person, pawn his video game system. Pay the person and give him the pawn ticket. If he wants the game back he can go get a job to pay for it. It does not sound like he would follow the laws in a car because he seems to have no respect for authority or rules. I would take him off the insurance, if he has a car either take the keys or disable it, and if need be, sell it. If he drives it with-o insurance call the cops and report him. Refuse to pay any fines or to bail him out of jail if he is taken to jail. You are pretty much too late to make much headway if you pursue treatment for mental illness (if he has a mental illness). In some states he is already old enough to refuse treatment, esp psychiatric treatment. It varies from state to state. Some states say the age of consent for mental illness/medical treatment is 14, others are later up to age 18. Realistically, if he doesn't want to cooperate with treatment there is NOTHING anyone can do to make him except to make his life so miserably that he wants to change. Some of these steps are more drastic than parents can handle doing. Whatever happens you need to be able to enforce everything you say you will do. If you cannot throw him out then don't tell him that you will. I recommend reading Parenting Teens with Love and Logic. You can find it online at most any book website or from [url]www.loveandlogic.com[/url]. Whatever you choose to do, keep coming back here for support! [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
17 yr old
Top