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Failure to Thrive
19 1/2 Year Old Struggling With Complex Developmental Challenges
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<blockquote data-quote="tbod" data-source="post: 686966" data-attributes="member: 20297"><p>Taking your advice not to argue with him..good stuff as always...thanks....and I will continue to try and keep the steady and calm hand. Finding I still succumb to his ranting illogical and often childish arguing and impulse driven unrealistic rationale....wanting to blame others for his misfortunes....but I have to remind myself that this child (19.5 yrs old) is developmentally delayed (significantly) and hopefully time and some maturity will "kick in" and help get him up to speed. Hoping that he will be soooo tired of himself one day that "the light" will just come on. Here's one for you...you can laugh yourself to sleep on this one...its ok. A trying episode last night...where I'm finding that I just need to just let certain things go...at least for my sanity and blood pressure. So, my wife and I go to see this local jazz band play last night and of course my son is like "are you kidding, I don't want to go to that!" Shocker...But since we cant leave him home by himself (a rule I put in place due to damage that I would find much later on due to his impulsivity, lack of judgment and self control and just screwing around in the house while we're out...like a 10 year old...you know what I mean...like stabbing apples with a knife or play boxing in the family room and accidently breaking something. Yep...you know what I mean). So the compromise was to drop him off at his friends (always a risky venture...as its a 50/50 chance his self discipline will crumble and he will smoke it up with his friends. A gamble my wife and I always consider when thinking about actually attempting a date night. He's going to do what he's going to do until I hope he comes to his senses. I've learned this. The alternative is to be prisoner to our house or find a sitter for my almost 20 year old. Yep..thats right. So, the concert was great...we picked up my son on the way back..yes, he was where we told him to be for pick up. That was good...but he was also very high..red eyes, etc, etc,...nice trade-off!. my wife just says..."get in" ...that was kind of funny...sounded like she's been down this alley a billion times with him...but she was just tired. And we head home from there...then suddently from the back seat we hear "hey you guys...I'm hungry!". Now... here it is...yep. he's high, hungry and I have to work the next day and my wife is now asleep in the passenger seat...and this could have really pissed me off...but for some backwards kind of way...was actually kind of funny...but I'm spooling up a little now partially since this is absurd and that he thinks this is funny....I'm sure of it. You can't make this stuff up! So my wife wakes up and actually makes me hit a McD's on the way back...drive through...and now my son wants to yell some silly, stupid things at the poor order taker dude in the window..cause he has a heavy Indian accent and hard to understand. An unfortunate target for my high son. Managed to prevent that....barely Then we're headed home...he's macking down in the back seat...I'm dreading the mess that will be there...we get home...my back seat IS a distaster (wished I hadn't looked...instinctive)...and he says, "sorry dad"...heads off to bed..and that was that. It was cleanable.... I mean...really. But, it could be a lot worse...and that's where we're at. He doesn't have any friends that are "reasonably ok" because he met all of them in the various night high school classes he's had from two of the last schools that would take him...which are a good distance away...of course. The ones that would be great for him...he can't even really relate to....they're too preppy (in his opinion) and my son still wears his pants half way down his butt and wears chains around his neck. A little sad. I mean his closest friends are like a whole collection of various types of Beavis's and Buttheads. When my wife and I can sneak away, this is the scenario that usually plays out. Sometimes he's sober...sometimes he's not when we pick him up...oh yeah...he does not drive...you can see why...I'm sure.. At the end of the day, I know where he's at, he's not climbing out windows anymore...or lighting my garage on fire (at least not lately)..or shooting up my house with air rifles and what not..which is where we learned that someone needs to be at home if he's there. I just hope he gets to a place before too long where he has the emotional stability within social norms to go the distance and make it. You can put a fork in me now!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="tbod, post: 686966, member: 20297"] Taking your advice not to argue with him..good stuff as always...thanks....and I will continue to try and keep the steady and calm hand. Finding I still succumb to his ranting illogical and often childish arguing and impulse driven unrealistic rationale....wanting to blame others for his misfortunes....but I have to remind myself that this child (19.5 yrs old) is developmentally delayed (significantly) and hopefully time and some maturity will "kick in" and help get him up to speed. Hoping that he will be soooo tired of himself one day that "the light" will just come on. Here's one for you...you can laugh yourself to sleep on this one...its ok. A trying episode last night...where I'm finding that I just need to just let certain things go...at least for my sanity and blood pressure. So, my wife and I go to see this local jazz band play last night and of course my son is like "are you kidding, I don't want to go to that!" Shocker...But since we cant leave him home by himself (a rule I put in place due to damage that I would find much later on due to his impulsivity, lack of judgment and self control and just screwing around in the house while we're out...like a 10 year old...you know what I mean...like stabbing apples with a knife or play boxing in the family room and accidently breaking something. Yep...you know what I mean). So the compromise was to drop him off at his friends (always a risky venture...as its a 50/50 chance his self discipline will crumble and he will smoke it up with his friends. A gamble my wife and I always consider when thinking about actually attempting a date night. He's going to do what he's going to do until I hope he comes to his senses. I've learned this. The alternative is to be prisoner to our house or find a sitter for my almost 20 year old. Yep..thats right. So, the concert was great...we picked up my son on the way back..yes, he was where we told him to be for pick up. That was good...but he was also very high..red eyes, etc, etc,...nice trade-off!. my wife just says..."get in" ...that was kind of funny...sounded like she's been down this alley a billion times with him...but she was just tired. And we head home from there...then suddently from the back seat we hear "hey you guys...I'm hungry!". Now... here it is...yep. he's high, hungry and I have to work the next day and my wife is now asleep in the passenger seat...and this could have really pissed me off...but for some backwards kind of way...was actually kind of funny...but I'm spooling up a little now partially since this is absurd and that he thinks this is funny....I'm sure of it. You can't make this stuff up! So my wife wakes up and actually makes me hit a McD's on the way back...drive through...and now my son wants to yell some silly, stupid things at the poor order taker dude in the window..cause he has a heavy Indian accent and hard to understand. An unfortunate target for my high son. Managed to prevent that....barely Then we're headed home...he's macking down in the back seat...I'm dreading the mess that will be there...we get home...my back seat IS a distaster (wished I hadn't looked...instinctive)...and he says, "sorry dad"...heads off to bed..and that was that. It was cleanable.... I mean...really. But, it could be a lot worse...and that's where we're at. He doesn't have any friends that are "reasonably ok" because he met all of them in the various night high school classes he's had from two of the last schools that would take him...which are a good distance away...of course. The ones that would be great for him...he can't even really relate to....they're too preppy (in his opinion) and my son still wears his pants half way down his butt and wears chains around his neck. A little sad. I mean his closest friends are like a whole collection of various types of Beavis's and Buttheads. When my wife and I can sneak away, this is the scenario that usually plays out. Sometimes he's sober...sometimes he's not when we pick him up...oh yeah...he does not drive...you can see why...I'm sure.. At the end of the day, I know where he's at, he's not climbing out windows anymore...or lighting my garage on fire (at least not lately)..or shooting up my house with air rifles and what not..which is where we learned that someone needs to be at home if he's there. I just hope he gets to a place before too long where he has the emotional stability within social norms to go the distance and make it. You can put a fork in me now! [/QUOTE]
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19 1/2 Year Old Struggling With Complex Developmental Challenges
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