I'm sometimes a bit oppositional about these kinds of statements.
They say "video doesn't lie". School LOVES to use this kind of "evidence"
Well, it does - because it does NOT tell the whole story. Like, the 19.5 years of history. Nor does it tell the prior history - this other kid may have been set up by one or more additional kids, to provoke your son, because they like seeing your son get into trouble. been there done that.
Where did your son learn to behave like this? I will pretty much guarantee that YOU didn't teach him - he didn't learn it at home. He learned it at school. Kids who are consistently bullied from a young age end up being bullies themselves. And because he has fallen between the cracks for so many years, he hasn't had the kinds of interventions that could have made a huge difference - and the interventions that WERE given (such as punishment) haven't had the intended consequences, because he is wired differently.
Yes, it's a huge problem, because the legal system assumes people are like 2x4s. There is a single set of expectations, and you either meet it, or you don't, and if you don't, you get the same consequences. There is no allowance for developmental challenges, or mental illness.
