Let me add this: I think the biggest mover in my son's impetus to change was my putting strong boundaries. More than even the homelessness. I followed through with limiting contact. I would not call him and I would not speak to him if he insisted on dominating me in phone calls. Somehow, this triggered something in him, I think. A decision to control himself? I do not know. Then when he saw (and I saw) that he could and would decide to change, to accommodate me, everything changed.
He is not what I hoped for him, hoped would be. He dresses like a homeless person. With a hoody.
He has no real desire to resume college. He does not aspire to work, but he is working for us on an unpaid basis, because he wants to conform to our expectations. He sees this as best for him. It is push-pull, but he keeps deciding to continue. But we have to be hard-lined. I am learning that hard-line and clear works best.
But he is again, himself, the child I raised. Even loving, kind, compassionate. Happier.
For me, for now, this is way enough. I will deal with my own feelings of any regret or fear. That is what I have learned here.
