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19 year old daughter has no interest in a relationship with her father
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 629106" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>That is a sad story, SSS. I'm not really sure how to respond...she seems a little different than our own set of dysfunctional young adults.</p><p></p><p>That being said..she is an adult. You have done all you could to have a relationship with her, and you probably DO have a relationship with her, just not one that is fulfilling to you right now. I have two "personal experiences" to share with you--one, I was a 19 year old girl myself once, with an estranged dad and parents in an unhappy marriage that finally (thank goodness) ended when I was 20. I always saw my mom's side of things...my dad was moody, distant, volatile, cold, controlling, inexplicable. When they got divorced I was happy. My mom stayed in the family home and I had to make myself go visit my dad from time to time (like, once or twice a year). Eventually, in my 20's, we kind of developed a relationship...I finally understood that there are two sides to any story...I got used to his flaws..and I loved him. He died suddenly when I was 30. I'm glad I had those years. I don't know what happened to make that happen, except that he was, always, sort of "out there". I will say that when they first divorced he moved about 100 miles away and I never once saw that place. Later he moved about 1500 miles away and I flew out there to visit him. Before he died he bought a place about 2 hours away that was a pain in the neck to get to, but I did go, and I was there on his 60th birthday, for a lot of weekends (of my own volition) and also Thanksgiving a few days before he died.</p><p>So things can change. Just continue to do as you are doing and they may.</p><p></p><p>The other story is that I am the mother of a 20 year old young women. She was FROM HELL from 14-18. She hated the air I breathed. Once she told me I was toxic. It was exhausting, and it brought out the worst in me...I threw her out once, had endless fights, once pulled her hair before throwing her out...it was awful. </p><p></p><p>And then...somehow...she kind of outgrew it. She said she appreciated all I had done for her, and she was sorry. Honestly we are better at a distance..we sometimes have very lovely conversations, but if she is home for too long it gets strained. I don't know what happened. I know I both gave her space and didn't totally let go.</p><p></p><p>So...I think you must go on with your life. She isn't little, you aren't sharing custody. She may like you more if she doesn't feel crowded, even though you don't crowd her. Stay in touch. Keep depositing the $160 (if you feel you should). And fulfill your life. At least in my world a lot of parents parent their adult kids from a distance. It is OK for you to do it too.</p><p></p><p>Good luck to you.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 629106, member: 17269"] That is a sad story, SSS. I'm not really sure how to respond...she seems a little different than our own set of dysfunctional young adults. That being said..she is an adult. You have done all you could to have a relationship with her, and you probably DO have a relationship with her, just not one that is fulfilling to you right now. I have two "personal experiences" to share with you--one, I was a 19 year old girl myself once, with an estranged dad and parents in an unhappy marriage that finally (thank goodness) ended when I was 20. I always saw my mom's side of things...my dad was moody, distant, volatile, cold, controlling, inexplicable. When they got divorced I was happy. My mom stayed in the family home and I had to make myself go visit my dad from time to time (like, once or twice a year). Eventually, in my 20's, we kind of developed a relationship...I finally understood that there are two sides to any story...I got used to his flaws..and I loved him. He died suddenly when I was 30. I'm glad I had those years. I don't know what happened to make that happen, except that he was, always, sort of "out there". I will say that when they first divorced he moved about 100 miles away and I never once saw that place. Later he moved about 1500 miles away and I flew out there to visit him. Before he died he bought a place about 2 hours away that was a pain in the neck to get to, but I did go, and I was there on his 60th birthday, for a lot of weekends (of my own volition) and also Thanksgiving a few days before he died. So things can change. Just continue to do as you are doing and they may. The other story is that I am the mother of a 20 year old young women. She was FROM HELL from 14-18. She hated the air I breathed. Once she told me I was toxic. It was exhausting, and it brought out the worst in me...I threw her out once, had endless fights, once pulled her hair before throwing her out...it was awful. And then...somehow...she kind of outgrew it. She said she appreciated all I had done for her, and she was sorry. Honestly we are better at a distance..we sometimes have very lovely conversations, but if she is home for too long it gets strained. I don't know what happened. I know I both gave her space and didn't totally let go. So...I think you must go on with your life. She isn't little, you aren't sharing custody. She may like you more if she doesn't feel crowded, even though you don't crowd her. Stay in touch. Keep depositing the $160 (if you feel you should). And fulfill your life. At least in my world a lot of parents parent their adult kids from a distance. It is OK for you to do it too. Good luck to you. Echo [/QUOTE]
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