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19 year old son refuses to get a job
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 708301" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi tripletmom.</p><p></p><p>I would suggest either Job Corps or the military (not combat), but both will require his consent. The other possibility, gap year programs, many of which are international, if finances allow.</p><p></p><p>All of the behaviors you mention my son manifested, except there were other things going on, too. (I do not think that being a triplet would be easy, so I would not discount this factor.)</p><p></p><p>My son went to Job Corps at 19 (I pushed him.) I have only good things to say about the program. Great supervision. Great trainings. Free. They are housed and fed. My son attended at Treasure Island in San Francisco Bay but there are sites all over the country.</p><p></p><p>My son is now 28. He is much improved. But still he has issues.</p><p></p><p>The way parents do this is they give the child a move out date to work towards, as a means of motivating them. And then they actually hold them to account, even if it means homelessness.</p><p></p><p>In our case when my son turned 23, I kicked him out. I had talked myself into believing it would help. It did not. It made things worse for a long time, until my son began maturing.</p><p></p><p>There are no easy answers for most of us. My son did not use drugs either, but when I kicked him out, he began heavy dependence on marijuana (which I hate). But at the time I kicked him out, I felt I had to do something. (I remember I hired a pastor-type guy to work with him, to hang out. My son blew it off. He refused therapy. It is painful to remember how desperate I felt in those years.)</p><p></p><p>I could think of no other option to kicking him out at 23. I had tried them all. The verbal abuse, hostility, absolute intractability, and unwillingness to do anything to conform to a family environment, to seek help for himself, had me cornered. *I had pushed college (he did a year, barely; 2 job trainings, and had worked at his longest job for 15 months.) Pretty good for 22, but we reached an impasse. I could not bear more of the conflict. He was increasingly depressed and indolent. It was not getting better.</p><p></p><p>Other parents will respond tomorrow morning. I wish I had answers for you but ten years later I am still flummoxed about what to do. This is a process, that is all I can say.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 708301, member: 18958"] Hi tripletmom. I would suggest either Job Corps or the military (not combat), but both will require his consent. The other possibility, gap year programs, many of which are international, if finances allow. All of the behaviors you mention my son manifested, except there were other things going on, too. (I do not think that being a triplet would be easy, so I would not discount this factor.) My son went to Job Corps at 19 (I pushed him.) I have only good things to say about the program. Great supervision. Great trainings. Free. They are housed and fed. My son attended at Treasure Island in San Francisco Bay but there are sites all over the country. My son is now 28. He is much improved. But still he has issues. The way parents do this is they give the child a move out date to work towards, as a means of motivating them. And then they actually hold them to account, even if it means homelessness. In our case when my son turned 23, I kicked him out. I had talked myself into believing it would help. It did not. It made things worse for a long time, until my son began maturing. There are no easy answers for most of us. My son did not use drugs either, but when I kicked him out, he began heavy dependence on marijuana (which I hate). But at the time I kicked him out, I felt I had to do something. (I remember I hired a pastor-type guy to work with him, to hang out. My son blew it off. He refused therapy. It is painful to remember how desperate I felt in those years.) I could think of no other option to kicking him out at 23. I had tried them all. The verbal abuse, hostility, absolute intractability, and unwillingness to do anything to conform to a family environment, to seek help for himself, had me cornered. *I had pushed college (he did a year, barely; 2 job trainings, and had worked at his longest job for 15 months.) Pretty good for 22, but we reached an impasse. I could not bear more of the conflict. He was increasingly depressed and indolent. It was not getting better. Other parents will respond tomorrow morning. I wish I had answers for you but ten years later I am still flummoxed about what to do. This is a process, that is all I can say. [/QUOTE]
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19 year old son refuses to get a job
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