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19 years old wasting his life.
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 712352" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>He has been using pot, and is allowed to drive. You must stop ALL access to vehicles. In some states (mine for example), if someone is of driving age and lives in your home, they must be on your policy if they are your dependent. This does not mean you must TELL him that he is on your insurance. Or that you must allow him use of your car. If he has a car that you allow him to drive, disable it immediately. I can give you directions to do this if you would like. it is not hard to pull fuses in most cars. Keep keys to other cars locked away from him,</p><p></p><p>You are endangering everyone else on the road if you permit him to drive. </p><p></p><p>As for his suicide threats, those must stop. Each and every one must be met with a call to 911. A 3 day psychiatric hold as a danger to himself and others isn't a lot of fun (if they keep him) and make sure they know that HE is responsible for the bill as an adult. He is now an adult and not a minor, so those bills are NOT NOT NOT your problem. Yes, you CAN refuse to be responsible for bills for his medical care now.</p><p></p><p>You have to set limits and boundaries. His life won't change until you make him uncomfortable enough that he changes. It may be that he leaves because he thinks life out of your house will be better. Guess what? No one else will pamper him and pay his bills the way Mom and Dad did when he was a kid. If you cut off the gravy train, no one else will turn it on without demanding some sort of work from him. It is your job to enforce this. He is going to be angry because he thinks tantrums will get his way. Make sure they don't. If he damages property and does not repair or replace it in a short time period, call the cops. It is a natural and logical consequence. He desperately needs those. </p><p></p><p>You also must stop paying for anything extra for him. Pay for basic food, but don't buy things that are special just for him. Do buy things just for your other, younger child because that child is not just a minor, but is following the rules. Do not buy new clothing for your difficult child. I am sure he has more than enough clothing in his room and he doesn't need more. If he destroys them, he can buy more with his own money. Do not give him money under ANY circumstance. If he asks for it, say no. If he gets upset, tell him to go get a J O B. Do not pay for games or music. Turn off cable or tv service to his room if you can. Heck, turn off internet to his room if you can. Think seriously about shutting off his cell phone until such time as he can pay for it himself.</p><p></p><p>Why do all of these things? To motivate him to get a job and start to live like an adult. To help make him bored. Yes he needs internet for online classes, but he could do those outside of his room, and he surely isn't doing them inside of his room. So why does he need the internet in his room? He can have the internet back if/when he has made serious and substantive progress on his online schooling. He can have money when he earns it from a job. He will just use it for the pot and other drugs he is using. It is rarely only pot that people use, though I could be wrong. </p><p></p><p>I know I seem harsh. But easy hasn't worked. You might wants to read Parenting Your Teen With Love and Logic. I found it incredibly helpful.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 712352, member: 1233"] He has been using pot, and is allowed to drive. You must stop ALL access to vehicles. In some states (mine for example), if someone is of driving age and lives in your home, they must be on your policy if they are your dependent. This does not mean you must TELL him that he is on your insurance. Or that you must allow him use of your car. If he has a car that you allow him to drive, disable it immediately. I can give you directions to do this if you would like. it is not hard to pull fuses in most cars. Keep keys to other cars locked away from him, You are endangering everyone else on the road if you permit him to drive. As for his suicide threats, those must stop. Each and every one must be met with a call to 911. A 3 day psychiatric hold as a danger to himself and others isn't a lot of fun (if they keep him) and make sure they know that HE is responsible for the bill as an adult. He is now an adult and not a minor, so those bills are NOT NOT NOT your problem. Yes, you CAN refuse to be responsible for bills for his medical care now. You have to set limits and boundaries. His life won't change until you make him uncomfortable enough that he changes. It may be that he leaves because he thinks life out of your house will be better. Guess what? No one else will pamper him and pay his bills the way Mom and Dad did when he was a kid. If you cut off the gravy train, no one else will turn it on without demanding some sort of work from him. It is your job to enforce this. He is going to be angry because he thinks tantrums will get his way. Make sure they don't. If he damages property and does not repair or replace it in a short time period, call the cops. It is a natural and logical consequence. He desperately needs those. You also must stop paying for anything extra for him. Pay for basic food, but don't buy things that are special just for him. Do buy things just for your other, younger child because that child is not just a minor, but is following the rules. Do not buy new clothing for your difficult child. I am sure he has more than enough clothing in his room and he doesn't need more. If he destroys them, he can buy more with his own money. Do not give him money under ANY circumstance. If he asks for it, say no. If he gets upset, tell him to go get a J O B. Do not pay for games or music. Turn off cable or tv service to his room if you can. Heck, turn off internet to his room if you can. Think seriously about shutting off his cell phone until such time as he can pay for it himself. Why do all of these things? To motivate him to get a job and start to live like an adult. To help make him bored. Yes he needs internet for online classes, but he could do those outside of his room, and he surely isn't doing them inside of his room. So why does he need the internet in his room? He can have the internet back if/when he has made serious and substantive progress on his online schooling. He can have money when he earns it from a job. He will just use it for the pot and other drugs he is using. It is rarely only pot that people use, though I could be wrong. I know I seem harsh. But easy hasn't worked. You might wants to read Parenting Your Teen With Love and Logic. I found it incredibly helpful. [/QUOTE]
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