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Parent Emeritus
20 year old son on the streets, heartbroken mom
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 692874" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hello Night Owl and Welcome.</p><p></p><p>Well. What can I say? Almost every single one of us has a variation of your story.</p><p></p><p>It seems that most of our kids share elements in common with your son: Violence, hostility, anger, lack of motivation, lying, resisting authority, unwillingness to engage with the world, not wanting to take responsibility, depression and wanting to isolate. Preoccupation with unhealthy stuff on the internet (in my son's case conspiracy theories). Not to mention drugs.</p><p></p><p>My son is 27 now. And doing better. Mentally ill, but making better choices. Sweet again. Working for us, and willingly so. Learning. Contributing. And living with us, something, even 6 months ago, I would have thought would be impossible.</p><p></p><p>I told him to leave my home when he was 23. Subsequently he had multiple admissions to hospitals for being suicidal, was homeless and did get on SSI. More than 4 years he was gone from here coming home when he had nowhere to go, and I would throw him out again when he would try to dominate us, call the cops on us, get physical, whatever.</p><p></p><p>And then he began to change. It began when he started working for a friend. But it was not an uphill path. There were ups and downs and brick walls. Losing more opportunities, still. And with all of that he learned, and I believe he matured some. He is still mentally ill. But he sees both the need to and he wants to be constructive, not destructive. He wants to be part of a family--he wants to work with us. In all of that, things turned around 100 percent.</p><p></p><p>So with all of this I am saying that the beginning is making him responsible for his behavior and for his own well-being, because right now he has it in his head that you are responsible. And we all of us mothers felt that too, that we were responsible. And that is not true. They are adults now, our children. They must be responsible. If they are too ill to take responsibility, society will do so for them. Parents are not equipped. So, your son will decide for himself which way he will go. His capacity will decide. And his will to survive will decide. And he will choose.</p><p></p><p>But for right now, for you it is time to rest and recuperate and to learn how to detach. How to love your son from a distance, until he decides, or it is decided for him. You cannot do it. I cannot do it. It will be up to him.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you are here. You will receive a great deal of support, knowledge and friendship. Post a lot if you can. It really, really helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 692874, member: 18958"] Hello Night Owl and Welcome. Well. What can I say? Almost every single one of us has a variation of your story. It seems that most of our kids share elements in common with your son: Violence, hostility, anger, lack of motivation, lying, resisting authority, unwillingness to engage with the world, not wanting to take responsibility, depression and wanting to isolate. Preoccupation with unhealthy stuff on the internet (in my son's case conspiracy theories). Not to mention drugs. My son is 27 now. And doing better. Mentally ill, but making better choices. Sweet again. Working for us, and willingly so. Learning. Contributing. And living with us, something, even 6 months ago, I would have thought would be impossible. I told him to leave my home when he was 23. Subsequently he had multiple admissions to hospitals for being suicidal, was homeless and did get on SSI. More than 4 years he was gone from here coming home when he had nowhere to go, and I would throw him out again when he would try to dominate us, call the cops on us, get physical, whatever. And then he began to change. It began when he started working for a friend. But it was not an uphill path. There were ups and downs and brick walls. Losing more opportunities, still. And with all of that he learned, and I believe he matured some. He is still mentally ill. But he sees both the need to and he wants to be constructive, not destructive. He wants to be part of a family--he wants to work with us. In all of that, things turned around 100 percent. So with all of this I am saying that the beginning is making him responsible for his behavior and for his own well-being, because right now he has it in his head that you are responsible. And we all of us mothers felt that too, that we were responsible. And that is not true. They are adults now, our children. They must be responsible. If they are too ill to take responsibility, society will do so for them. Parents are not equipped. So, your son will decide for himself which way he will go. His capacity will decide. And his will to survive will decide. And he will choose. But for right now, for you it is time to rest and recuperate and to learn how to detach. How to love your son from a distance, until he decides, or it is decided for him. You cannot do it. I cannot do it. It will be up to him. I am glad you are here. You will receive a great deal of support, knowledge and friendship. Post a lot if you can. It really, really helps. [/QUOTE]
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