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Substance Abuse
20 Year Old Son Using/Selling Drugs But...goes to school and has a great job
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<blockquote data-quote="rudyb" data-source="post: 575197" data-attributes="member: 15844"><p>Please forgive me if it feels like I am hijacking your thread. This is my first post and I chose your thread because it really resonated with me. My older son sounds much like yours and I am really struggling with how to approach things.</p><p></p><p>He is currently a college senior, very bright, excellent grades, generally mature. Never really misbehaved during hs and was always been more like an adult than an adolescent. This past summer we learned that he smokes a lot of pot and has for awhile. He also drinks and I suspect does a bunch of other stuff that his husband and I don't want to know about. His attitude toward us varies from moderate appreciation to borderline contempt, particularly when we attempt to discuss his drug use. Of course, his pat response is that he has excellent grades and our "feelings" won't change the way he has chosen to live his life. </p><p></p><p>His father has made it very clear that if he is arrested, he is on his own. He knows that I agree. He has not had any brushes with the law that we know of. We are pretty sure that he does not drink and drive but are not so sure of using pot and driving, which has me pretty concerned. </p><p></p><p>He claims that he is trying to stop smoking and has been seeing a counselor at school. I don't think he smoked much if at all over break. He is pretty honest if you ask, primarily because he thinks it's fine. His arrogance makes me concerned that he has or is willing to take bigger risks going forward.</p><p></p><p>His tuition is paid, apartment rent is paid and he has a small meal card and a debit card for food and incidentals. Having read a bunch of posts this morning, I now realize we cannot give him any money. I want to drive down to campus and take our car away from him. He will claim that he needs it to do research for his honors project but we've been hearing that for awhile. I think finding his way by bus or one of his "buddies" would be fine; husband is not so sure. My thought is why wait until something does happen. </p><p></p><p>Like the OP, we are not struggling to make ends meet but didn't throw money or things at our children. We have paid for college and in retrospect wish we had made him get at least a pt job during the school year. </p><p></p><p>He will likely be furious if we take the car. Is it the right thing to do?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rudyb, post: 575197, member: 15844"] Please forgive me if it feels like I am hijacking your thread. This is my first post and I chose your thread because it really resonated with me. My older son sounds much like yours and I am really struggling with how to approach things. He is currently a college senior, very bright, excellent grades, generally mature. Never really misbehaved during hs and was always been more like an adult than an adolescent. This past summer we learned that he smokes a lot of pot and has for awhile. He also drinks and I suspect does a bunch of other stuff that his husband and I don't want to know about. His attitude toward us varies from moderate appreciation to borderline contempt, particularly when we attempt to discuss his drug use. Of course, his pat response is that he has excellent grades and our "feelings" won't change the way he has chosen to live his life. His father has made it very clear that if he is arrested, he is on his own. He knows that I agree. He has not had any brushes with the law that we know of. We are pretty sure that he does not drink and drive but are not so sure of using pot and driving, which has me pretty concerned. He claims that he is trying to stop smoking and has been seeing a counselor at school. I don't think he smoked much if at all over break. He is pretty honest if you ask, primarily because he thinks it's fine. His arrogance makes me concerned that he has or is willing to take bigger risks going forward. His tuition is paid, apartment rent is paid and he has a small meal card and a debit card for food and incidentals. Having read a bunch of posts this morning, I now realize we cannot give him any money. I want to drive down to campus and take our car away from him. He will claim that he needs it to do research for his honors project but we've been hearing that for awhile. I think finding his way by bus or one of his "buddies" would be fine; husband is not so sure. My thought is why wait until something does happen. Like the OP, we are not struggling to make ends meet but didn't throw money or things at our children. We have paid for college and in retrospect wish we had made him get at least a pt job during the school year. He will likely be furious if we take the car. Is it the right thing to do? [/QUOTE]
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20 Year Old Son Using/Selling Drugs But...goes to school and has a great job
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