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20 yo at home, no job
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 703786" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>You have to know you cannot trust him. Hasn't he proven this to you already? What will it take to prove this to you? He breaks your rules with impunity, steals from you, and goes behind your back to do things that you have asked him not to do in your home. He knows you feel he needs a job but he feels no urge to get one, or to support himself. Why would he? He has you and Grandma and he clearly knows that he won 't be homeless for long if he is homeless ever.</p><p></p><p>You are not doing him any favors by letting him stay at home under these circumstances. you would NOT let anyone else in the UNIVERSE stay in your home after stealing from you twice in under a day. You wouldn't let them get away with flagrantly not contributing to the household without explicit and tiresome nagging either. Isn't all the nagging to get him to do his chores about the equivalent of a part time job? Yes, you want what is best for him, but what you are doing is NOT best for him. He needs to learn about the real world, to learn that he has to support himself whether it is fun or not, and that he needs to work because otherwise life will NOT be enjoyable. </p><p></p><p>Life at 20 should not have all the perks of life in middle age. It should have struggle and scrimping and not spending all day playing video games. If it doesn't, then it is a problem because you are not learning and growing. You are not developing and maturing. If life is too easy, you don't grow. When our kids were toddlers they wanted to point to things and grunt, and if we just gave in, they didn't learn to speak. We had to insist they try to speak the words for what they want, like water or juice or cracker, until they learned to speak the words properly. They fussed and even cried and had fits. But we persisted and we kept after them and eventually they learned to speak. The same goes for the other skills of life, including those of independent living.</p><p></p><p>I would push your son to get a job much faster than you are. Have him register at temp agencies for work and push for him to take anything they offer him. PUsh him to do any training they offer. </p><p></p><p>As for him not wanting to do a job, so what? Have you liked all the jobs you have ever done? I have downright loathed a few of mine. But I needed to pay bills, so I did them. I know LOTS of people who did jobs they didn't want because they needed the money.</p><p></p><p>Speaking of money, how is your son getting money now? Cut off ALL funds, including his cell phone, I mean ASAP. YEs, he will be angry about it, esp at Christmas, but in the long run it will be the best gift you can give him - the gift of adulthood. Lock up every single penny you have around the house. Lock up your credit cards, and if he has EVER used them, get the numbers changed. Check your bank accounts to make sure the extent of his theft is the money from your change jar and nightstand, because I bet it isn't the entire amount. Pot can be expensive and he doesn't seem to work so how does he pay for it? Also check your jewelry to make sure you have it all. </p><p></p><p>Once you are aware of the extent of what he has helped himself to, the amounts he has charged on your credit cards, etc... you may want to drug test him. Pot may or may not be the only drug he is using. Either way, he has to be given limits and made to either get a job and go to school or else leave home. I would not leave the wifi router at home again when I was not there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 703786, member: 1233"] You have to know you cannot trust him. Hasn't he proven this to you already? What will it take to prove this to you? He breaks your rules with impunity, steals from you, and goes behind your back to do things that you have asked him not to do in your home. He knows you feel he needs a job but he feels no urge to get one, or to support himself. Why would he? He has you and Grandma and he clearly knows that he won 't be homeless for long if he is homeless ever. You are not doing him any favors by letting him stay at home under these circumstances. you would NOT let anyone else in the UNIVERSE stay in your home after stealing from you twice in under a day. You wouldn't let them get away with flagrantly not contributing to the household without explicit and tiresome nagging either. Isn't all the nagging to get him to do his chores about the equivalent of a part time job? Yes, you want what is best for him, but what you are doing is NOT best for him. He needs to learn about the real world, to learn that he has to support himself whether it is fun or not, and that he needs to work because otherwise life will NOT be enjoyable. Life at 20 should not have all the perks of life in middle age. It should have struggle and scrimping and not spending all day playing video games. If it doesn't, then it is a problem because you are not learning and growing. You are not developing and maturing. If life is too easy, you don't grow. When our kids were toddlers they wanted to point to things and grunt, and if we just gave in, they didn't learn to speak. We had to insist they try to speak the words for what they want, like water or juice or cracker, until they learned to speak the words properly. They fussed and even cried and had fits. But we persisted and we kept after them and eventually they learned to speak. The same goes for the other skills of life, including those of independent living. I would push your son to get a job much faster than you are. Have him register at temp agencies for work and push for him to take anything they offer him. PUsh him to do any training they offer. As for him not wanting to do a job, so what? Have you liked all the jobs you have ever done? I have downright loathed a few of mine. But I needed to pay bills, so I did them. I know LOTS of people who did jobs they didn't want because they needed the money. Speaking of money, how is your son getting money now? Cut off ALL funds, including his cell phone, I mean ASAP. YEs, he will be angry about it, esp at Christmas, but in the long run it will be the best gift you can give him - the gift of adulthood. Lock up every single penny you have around the house. Lock up your credit cards, and if he has EVER used them, get the numbers changed. Check your bank accounts to make sure the extent of his theft is the money from your change jar and nightstand, because I bet it isn't the entire amount. Pot can be expensive and he doesn't seem to work so how does he pay for it? Also check your jewelry to make sure you have it all. Once you are aware of the extent of what he has helped himself to, the amounts he has charged on your credit cards, etc... you may want to drug test him. Pot may or may not be the only drug he is using. Either way, he has to be given limits and made to either get a job and go to school or else leave home. I would not leave the wifi router at home again when I was not there. [/QUOTE]
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