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Parent Emeritus
20 yo still at home, no job - desperate mother!
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 704383" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Hilli, I am so, so sorry. </p><p></p><p>What a devastating choice. </p><p></p><p>However, you made the choice that felt right to you and I support your choice. You're right, letting him stay feels like a betrayal of your own convictions, I applaud your sense of integrity under such an enormous weight of responsibility and love for him......</p><p></p><p>And Hilli you didn't betray him or give up on him, he did that all by himself. Now he can make a different choice for himself because you had the courage and the strength to give him that choice.</p><p></p><p>Your son is a grown man, men his age are carrying a gun and risking their lives in wars in other countries. Our kids are resilient and clever and your son will land on his feet. You've broken an unhealthy pattern with him and now his life is up to him, where the onus should be. </p><p></p><p>I made similar choices with my daughter, allowing her to be homeless, allowing her to be in unsafe situations of her choosing.....it was the hardest thing I have EVER done.......and I did it a couple of times.......and each time, she got to figure it out on her own without any of my interference or help. In a relatively short time she figured out I wasn't going to help and she found alternatives pretty quickly. Once we get out of the way, it can be pretty remarkable how our kids find their own way.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime Hillli, while your heart is aching and hurting, be very kind and nurturing to yourself. You made a choice. In my opinion, you made a good choice. Now go do something for YOU. Take a drive, go out to lunch with a girlfriend, have your nails done, take a bath, go for a walk, make cookies, whatever brings you peace of mind. Don't sit around and ruminate about your choice, take action for YOU. </p><p></p><p>Sending you prayers for both you and your son. Sending you a big, warm hug........hang in there Hilli......</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 704383, member: 13542"] Hilli, I am so, so sorry. What a devastating choice. However, you made the choice that felt right to you and I support your choice. You're right, letting him stay feels like a betrayal of your own convictions, I applaud your sense of integrity under such an enormous weight of responsibility and love for him...... And Hilli you didn't betray him or give up on him, he did that all by himself. Now he can make a different choice for himself because you had the courage and the strength to give him that choice. Your son is a grown man, men his age are carrying a gun and risking their lives in wars in other countries. Our kids are resilient and clever and your son will land on his feet. You've broken an unhealthy pattern with him and now his life is up to him, where the onus should be. I made similar choices with my daughter, allowing her to be homeless, allowing her to be in unsafe situations of her choosing.....it was the hardest thing I have EVER done.......and I did it a couple of times.......and each time, she got to figure it out on her own without any of my interference or help. In a relatively short time she figured out I wasn't going to help and she found alternatives pretty quickly. Once we get out of the way, it can be pretty remarkable how our kids find their own way. In the meantime Hillli, while your heart is aching and hurting, be very kind and nurturing to yourself. You made a choice. In my opinion, you made a good choice. Now go do something for YOU. Take a drive, go out to lunch with a girlfriend, have your nails done, take a bath, go for a walk, make cookies, whatever brings you peace of mind. Don't sit around and ruminate about your choice, take action for YOU. Sending you prayers for both you and your son. Sending you a big, warm hug........hang in there Hilli...... [/QUOTE]
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