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Substance Abuse
20 yr.old pothead...angry husband...2 seperate issues
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 630573" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>if your husband also abused substances, I understand why he gets so mad at your son. He knows how he is playing you.</p><p></p><p>Frankly, I think at age twenty, your son was old enough to see a funeral. It would not have traumatized him. He is not a little boy. In some ways, you seem to treat him like he's still little. "He's scared." "He never saw a funeral before." "He is always getting picked on." It hurts our adult children when we think of them as that chubby cheeked little cutie who gave us dandelions for flowers. Your son talks violently. If my son spoke to my husband that way, he'd be apologizing or leaving. That doesn't exempt your husband, who may be a dry drunk. He could probably use AA still. </p><p></p><p>However, you say he is kind to your two year old daughter and the fact is you trusted him enough to make a two year old daughter with him. Do you really think he'd be so mean to your son if he didn't act like he does? Do you still think your son should live at home, even though you do have a two year old? </p><p></p><p>You have a lot of thinking to do. One big thing would be to let go of thinking of your son as this youngster. Men are fighting for our country at eighteen. Many are in college taking hard classes and also working. Your son is not a child and to help him not act like one, you have to let him know you don't think he's a child anymore and that you are no longer his "mommy." You are his adult mother to his adult son and higher expectations of him are better than lower expectations.</p><p></p><p>The world is not going to forgive yokur son the way you do. It doesn't work that way. The world, not just your husband, sees a man's body and thinks, "That man is acted like he's high as a kite. I'm calling the cops." Your daughter is a pleasure for sure...they are so cute at that age...but she shouldn't be your life either. Your life should be YOUR life. As long as you live through somebody else, you will not be a person and that makes you think you feel every emotion your children feel. I was there once and it basically sucked. I'm glad to have an identity now and a life seperate from my children. Like you, I struggle with it, but I can get through it now.</p><p></p><p>Keep readin the book. It's a really good book with a ton of wisdom in it <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>I strongly recommend that yoku also go to Al-Anon to learn how to take care of YOU while having a dry drunk and a drug addict in your life. It is very hard to do it alone. Hugs and good luck!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 630573, member: 1550"] if your husband also abused substances, I understand why he gets so mad at your son. He knows how he is playing you. Frankly, I think at age twenty, your son was old enough to see a funeral. It would not have traumatized him. He is not a little boy. In some ways, you seem to treat him like he's still little. "He's scared." "He never saw a funeral before." "He is always getting picked on." It hurts our adult children when we think of them as that chubby cheeked little cutie who gave us dandelions for flowers. Your son talks violently. If my son spoke to my husband that way, he'd be apologizing or leaving. That doesn't exempt your husband, who may be a dry drunk. He could probably use AA still. However, you say he is kind to your two year old daughter and the fact is you trusted him enough to make a two year old daughter with him. Do you really think he'd be so mean to your son if he didn't act like he does? Do you still think your son should live at home, even though you do have a two year old? You have a lot of thinking to do. One big thing would be to let go of thinking of your son as this youngster. Men are fighting for our country at eighteen. Many are in college taking hard classes and also working. Your son is not a child and to help him not act like one, you have to let him know you don't think he's a child anymore and that you are no longer his "mommy." You are his adult mother to his adult son and higher expectations of him are better than lower expectations. The world is not going to forgive yokur son the way you do. It doesn't work that way. The world, not just your husband, sees a man's body and thinks, "That man is acted like he's high as a kite. I'm calling the cops." Your daughter is a pleasure for sure...they are so cute at that age...but she shouldn't be your life either. Your life should be YOUR life. As long as you live through somebody else, you will not be a person and that makes you think you feel every emotion your children feel. I was there once and it basically sucked. I'm glad to have an identity now and a life seperate from my children. Like you, I struggle with it, but I can get through it now. Keep readin the book. It's a really good book with a ton of wisdom in it :) I strongly recommend that yoku also go to Al-Anon to learn how to take care of YOU while having a dry drunk and a drug addict in your life. It is very hard to do it alone. Hugs and good luck! [/QUOTE]
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20 yr.old pothead...angry husband...2 seperate issues
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