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20yo difficult child determined to get married - soon
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<blockquote data-quote="pajamas" data-source="post: 498576" data-attributes="member: 13499"><p>oh, boy! </p><p></p><p>1) I appreciate the support and I/we need it. We are walking a delicate line. We love him to pieces and need him to know he'll always have our support, but afraid to push too hard. So far, we've been leaning on the PCish daughters, to carry the water. </p><p>2) big serious sigh that your collective experience reinforces our fears. This kid's potential is so great - everyone (family, my work colleagues, his new aquaintances through girlfriend's family) thinks he's brilliant. Yes he's challenged, but he's the kind that should become your beloved, slightly odd, professor.</p><p></p><p>He says they aren't sleeping together, and oddly, we actually believe it - he's that idealistic. And they've promised they don't plan to have children for many years. But it only takes one persone for an "accident" to happen, and her cousins give me tremendous pause. (On the other hand, they are sweet and loving, so I also understand the appeal, as contrasted to the chaotic life with the younger difficult children. Occasional regret, for another post, we started along the foster/adopt path because Holden wanted sibs his age, and before we knew how complicated he was - but there's no turning back the clock.)</p><p></p><p>Signorina, funny you should mention it - I was shopping today with the 2 youngest and ran into Holden & girlfriend. He said he was having problems with his glasses in a 'you need to do something' kind of way. I suggested he stop by Lenscrafters for a screening to see how far off they were and get them adjusted. And pointed out that I didn't think our insurance would cover him once he was married, or that her parents would cover her. </p><p></p><p>They really have no clue <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> Meg mentioned yesterday that girlfriend was unhappy that so many people had said they were too young and needed more life experience before getting married. "Just tell us what experiences we need to have and we'll do them. Can you give us a list?" It's so sad it's funny, and so funny it's sad. Maybe it's an opening for Buddy's idea of a workbook (which I could have Meg, who is a social worker, introduce). </p><p></p><p>I have no idea where to go re: difficult child parents. I can't find a path to communication with them. We have absolutely nothing in common so far as I've been able to discover. And I know I'm intimidating to a lot of folks in that over-quick ADHD kind of way (my boss counsels me on it). husband does better - he loves sci-fi and even tries to social with them (on the shooting range, which is their other passion [sigh]), but he's struggling with it, too. I appreciate the thought about unrealistic standards, and it's worth a bit of soul searching. It breaks my heart, tho, to think that Holden's tremendous potential (how I hate that word) could be limited by low expectations .... But, I can get over that. What I won't be able to get over is the possibility that a broken marriage will break him too. </p><p></p><p>... I'm not usually negative. One of the blessings I find in ADD is that each day is a new day. :-/ It keeps me going ...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pajamas, post: 498576, member: 13499"] oh, boy! 1) I appreciate the support and I/we need it. We are walking a delicate line. We love him to pieces and need him to know he'll always have our support, but afraid to push too hard. So far, we've been leaning on the PCish daughters, to carry the water. 2) big serious sigh that your collective experience reinforces our fears. This kid's potential is so great - everyone (family, my work colleagues, his new aquaintances through girlfriend's family) thinks he's brilliant. Yes he's challenged, but he's the kind that should become your beloved, slightly odd, professor. He says they aren't sleeping together, and oddly, we actually believe it - he's that idealistic. And they've promised they don't plan to have children for many years. But it only takes one persone for an "accident" to happen, and her cousins give me tremendous pause. (On the other hand, they are sweet and loving, so I also understand the appeal, as contrasted to the chaotic life with the younger difficult children. Occasional regret, for another post, we started along the foster/adopt path because Holden wanted sibs his age, and before we knew how complicated he was - but there's no turning back the clock.) Signorina, funny you should mention it - I was shopping today with the 2 youngest and ran into Holden & girlfriend. He said he was having problems with his glasses in a 'you need to do something' kind of way. I suggested he stop by Lenscrafters for a screening to see how far off they were and get them adjusted. And pointed out that I didn't think our insurance would cover him once he was married, or that her parents would cover her. They really have no clue :( Meg mentioned yesterday that girlfriend was unhappy that so many people had said they were too young and needed more life experience before getting married. "Just tell us what experiences we need to have and we'll do them. Can you give us a list?" It's so sad it's funny, and so funny it's sad. Maybe it's an opening for Buddy's idea of a workbook (which I could have Meg, who is a social worker, introduce). I have no idea where to go re: difficult child parents. I can't find a path to communication with them. We have absolutely nothing in common so far as I've been able to discover. And I know I'm intimidating to a lot of folks in that over-quick ADHD kind of way (my boss counsels me on it). husband does better - he loves sci-fi and even tries to social with them (on the shooting range, which is their other passion [sigh]), but he's struggling with it, too. I appreciate the thought about unrealistic standards, and it's worth a bit of soul searching. It breaks my heart, tho, to think that Holden's tremendous potential (how I hate that word) could be limited by low expectations .... But, I can get over that. What I won't be able to get over is the possibility that a broken marriage will break him too. ... I'm not usually negative. One of the blessings I find in ADD is that each day is a new day. :-/ It keeps me going ... [/QUOTE]
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20yo difficult child determined to get married - soon
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