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21 year old son in and out of house
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 632841" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>What you have gone through touches me. I hope you stick around. I think we warrior moms can get you through this.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry about your other son's refusal to talk to you. I know this sounds outrageous, but I have come to decide that it is best that my son-who-left stays there. He and I are so different and he thinks I'm a failure because me and my new husband do not have money, which is all that he cares about when evaluating a person, along with...are you a very, very, very Moody Bible type Christian. He doesn't even consider a person who goes to a Lutheran or any denominational church as a real Christian. He does talk to his father, but his father inherited a shoot ton of money and is a Christian in his church, although not nearly as close-minded as my son...he is fine with those who do not share his views (my ex is). My son isn't. So what would we talk about if we DID get together? He freaks out if somebody so much as lets out a swear word or forgets and says "Oh my God!" and drinking is absolutely forbidden...lots of stuff that I don't think most Christians care about.</p><p></p><p>I adopted my two most wonderful children when I was 40 and 43. I call them Sonic and Jumper. Both have been nothing but a joy as is my second husband. I am also close to my daughter from my first marriage...she was adopted from Korea and has a gorgeous baby right now...I am over the moon over that baby. But two of my children...one does not talk to me; one is a major difficult child. He talks to me. He is overly attached to me. But he almost drove me to a nervous breakdown just last year an d I had to once again remember to use my learned skills, step back, and set boundaries. I would get a funny feeling in my stomach when his name popped up on my phone and it was always popping up. He was going through a custody battle for his son and was certain he would lose (total pessimistic) and his ex is as disturbed as he is. In the end he won 50/50 so all that abuse he heaped on me was for nothing. However, by the end of that ordeal, I had stopped talking to him that often and was hanging up if he got abusive. When 36 is not under pressure, he can be fine. He is a good father so far. His son adores him. But when he is under pressure, he is terribly abusive and threatening. And when he l ived with me, he was dangerous at times.</p><p></p><p>I have to always remember that I can never be alone with him. It is so sad to feel that fear toward your own child. But when he loses it, and one can never tell what will set that off, he changes like Jekyll/Hyde and I do believe he could assault me or anyone. He has come close. Guiltily, I am glad he lives two states away, however I do want to get out to see my grandson more. I will take my husbnad with me when I go. We will stay at a hotel, not his house, although he has a big house and plenty of room.</p><p></p><p>Sad, sad, sad.</p><p></p><p>You will make it, like the rest of us. You may even decide to have a new family, like I did in my 40's. I am so grateful every day for Sonic (an autistic young man who is kinder than anyone I know and a harder worker than anyone I know too...he is pretty independent) and Jumper (we adopted her from the hospital and she is just a superstar...couldn't ask for a more fun or loving young woman, now eighteen and at school). These PCs can heal your heart. So can just a good relationship with yourself, which I finally have. I am finally my own best friend, not relying on everyone else to like me <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> You can do it too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 632841, member: 1550"] What you have gone through touches me. I hope you stick around. I think we warrior moms can get you through this. I am sorry about your other son's refusal to talk to you. I know this sounds outrageous, but I have come to decide that it is best that my son-who-left stays there. He and I are so different and he thinks I'm a failure because me and my new husband do not have money, which is all that he cares about when evaluating a person, along with...are you a very, very, very Moody Bible type Christian. He doesn't even consider a person who goes to a Lutheran or any denominational church as a real Christian. He does talk to his father, but his father inherited a shoot ton of money and is a Christian in his church, although not nearly as close-minded as my son...he is fine with those who do not share his views (my ex is). My son isn't. So what would we talk about if we DID get together? He freaks out if somebody so much as lets out a swear word or forgets and says "Oh my God!" and drinking is absolutely forbidden...lots of stuff that I don't think most Christians care about. I adopted my two most wonderful children when I was 40 and 43. I call them Sonic and Jumper. Both have been nothing but a joy as is my second husband. I am also close to my daughter from my first marriage...she was adopted from Korea and has a gorgeous baby right now...I am over the moon over that baby. But two of my children...one does not talk to me; one is a major difficult child. He talks to me. He is overly attached to me. But he almost drove me to a nervous breakdown just last year an d I had to once again remember to use my learned skills, step back, and set boundaries. I would get a funny feeling in my stomach when his name popped up on my phone and it was always popping up. He was going through a custody battle for his son and was certain he would lose (total pessimistic) and his ex is as disturbed as he is. In the end he won 50/50 so all that abuse he heaped on me was for nothing. However, by the end of that ordeal, I had stopped talking to him that often and was hanging up if he got abusive. When 36 is not under pressure, he can be fine. He is a good father so far. His son adores him. But when he is under pressure, he is terribly abusive and threatening. And when he l ived with me, he was dangerous at times. I have to always remember that I can never be alone with him. It is so sad to feel that fear toward your own child. But when he loses it, and one can never tell what will set that off, he changes like Jekyll/Hyde and I do believe he could assault me or anyone. He has come close. Guiltily, I am glad he lives two states away, however I do want to get out to see my grandson more. I will take my husbnad with me when I go. We will stay at a hotel, not his house, although he has a big house and plenty of room. Sad, sad, sad. You will make it, like the rest of us. You may even decide to have a new family, like I did in my 40's. I am so grateful every day for Sonic (an autistic young man who is kinder than anyone I know and a harder worker than anyone I know too...he is pretty independent) and Jumper (we adopted her from the hospital and she is just a superstar...couldn't ask for a more fun or loving young woman, now eighteen and at school). These PCs can heal your heart. So can just a good relationship with yourself, which I finally have. I am finally my own best friend, not relying on everyone else to like me :) You can do it too. [/QUOTE]
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