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21 year old son in and out of house
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 634227" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Oh honey. Yes, it happens to all of us, even the most seasoned warriors, all the time. It is the subject of many posts, and when it happens we circle the wagons and hold each other up. This is why 12 step programs are for life...because everyone has periods of uncertainty, everyone is drawn into old habits of response. We learned those responses for a reason, and they come back for a reason too..because somehow at some point they were or are easier for us than a different, healthier response. We are like addicts ourselves that way...when things get hard we fall back on our drug (enabling). And health in all aspects is like that too...it is so much easier to watch TV than go for a run, to eat a big Mac at the drivethrough than make a nourishing meal. The stuff that is good for us can be hard. </p><p></p><p>And that is why we are here for you and for each other! Cause we know it is hard.</p><p></p><p>As I read your post I found myself hoping that Child would respond...her toolbox for not falling into a morass of self-destructive criticsm and despair, for extricating ourselves when we engage with our difficult children unwillingly or by accident, is wonderful. I see she did...so read her post, and practice some of the tools.</p><p></p><p>Keep your distance. Try to keep conversations bland. "i see" "uh huh" "that sounds hard" "oh". Pat yourself on the back when you can stick to those for a whole discussion. Don't answer calls or texts for a few hours...create some space. If he wants to talk say "ok honey, but I can't talk now. Lets walk tomorrow at 5" and get off the phone, or out of the room. Set some parameters that give you space. It will help.</p><p></p><p>Good luck. Stay in touch. We are here for you.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 634227, member: 17269"] Oh honey. Yes, it happens to all of us, even the most seasoned warriors, all the time. It is the subject of many posts, and when it happens we circle the wagons and hold each other up. This is why 12 step programs are for life...because everyone has periods of uncertainty, everyone is drawn into old habits of response. We learned those responses for a reason, and they come back for a reason too..because somehow at some point they were or are easier for us than a different, healthier response. We are like addicts ourselves that way...when things get hard we fall back on our drug (enabling). And health in all aspects is like that too...it is so much easier to watch TV than go for a run, to eat a big Mac at the drivethrough than make a nourishing meal. The stuff that is good for us can be hard. And that is why we are here for you and for each other! Cause we know it is hard. As I read your post I found myself hoping that Child would respond...her toolbox for not falling into a morass of self-destructive criticsm and despair, for extricating ourselves when we engage with our difficult children unwillingly or by accident, is wonderful. I see she did...so read her post, and practice some of the tools. Keep your distance. Try to keep conversations bland. "i see" "uh huh" "that sounds hard" "oh". Pat yourself on the back when you can stick to those for a whole discussion. Don't answer calls or texts for a few hours...create some space. If he wants to talk say "ok honey, but I can't talk now. Lets walk tomorrow at 5" and get off the phone, or out of the room. Set some parameters that give you space. It will help. Good luck. Stay in touch. We are here for you. Echo [/QUOTE]
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21 year old son in and out of house
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