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Substance Abuse
25 yr old son living at home, lies, steals, sneaks and cant keep a job
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<blockquote data-quote="DarkwingPsyduck" data-source="post: 685236" data-attributes="member: 20267"><p>I am new to the forum. I am not the parent of an addict, but an addict myself. 25 years old, was hooked on opiates, mainly oxycodone, for 3 years. So I hope to be able to provide insight from the other side. I lost both parents when I was 16, and then was on my own. Survived by the good graces of friends' parents, and girlfriend's parents. Did that until a few years ago, when I got in touch with an aunt and uncle I hadn't spoken to for almost 15 years. They had custody of my twin sister and I when we were around 3, until Dad kidnapped us (literally). These people are easily the greatest people I have ever known. They have done EVERYTHING for me, and then some. Place to live, food to eat, clothes to wear, money for school, etc. I adore them. This uncle is the first real male role model I ever knew. The only man I really respect. My aunt is 60, and never had children of her own. To this day, she works about 80 hours a week.</p><p></p><p>The point I am trying to make is that, even though I love and almost worship them, my addiction caused me to do <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> I am horribly ashamed of. I stole from them. Lied to them. Used them. Disrespected the very few rules they have. I <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> all over EVERYTHING they have done for me. I knew it was wrong even while doing it, but the addiction was so strong I was able to do mental acrobatics and justify it, at least until the drugs wore off again. I simply didn't know HOW to live sober. I am 14 months clean right now, after my aunt and uncle spent thousands and thousands of dollars for a Suboxone treatment program. They did that even after the monster I was to them. So, your son certainly does love you. he doesn't necessarily enjoy hurting or disappointing you. It's just... Necessary in his eyes. He feels regret, and shame when he sobers up, which a part of the reason why he does not want to sober up. Trust me, dealing with the horrible things you did during addiction is the most difficult part of cleaning up. But it is necessary. He will need to do the same to get his <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> together. You should not enable his behavior in any way. But there will come a time where he will run out of drugs and be forced to look at himself. He wont like what he sees. When he dislikes what he sees strongly enough, he will need support of loved ones. I only had 2 people who gave a <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> whether I lived or died. Not being melodramatic, that is a fact, but I NEEDED them. You don't need to trust him to provide the kind of help he really needs. Trust is earned, and it is harder to get back every time you betray it.</p><p></p><p>Sorry to ramble. I started browsing this forum while still in active addiction, to get a better understanding of the parents' perspectives, and it has been a real eye opener for me. I never imagined all the ways in which I was hurting my aunt and uncle. I knew I was hurting them, just not the manner of the pain.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DarkwingPsyduck, post: 685236, member: 20267"] I am new to the forum. I am not the parent of an addict, but an addict myself. 25 years old, was hooked on opiates, mainly oxycodone, for 3 years. So I hope to be able to provide insight from the other side. I lost both parents when I was 16, and then was on my own. Survived by the good graces of friends' parents, and girlfriend's parents. Did that until a few years ago, when I got in touch with an aunt and uncle I hadn't spoken to for almost 15 years. They had custody of my twin sister and I when we were around 3, until Dad kidnapped us (literally). These people are easily the greatest people I have ever known. They have done EVERYTHING for me, and then some. Place to live, food to eat, clothes to wear, money for school, etc. I adore them. This uncle is the first real male role model I ever knew. The only man I really respect. My aunt is 60, and never had children of her own. To this day, she works about 80 hours a week. The point I am trying to make is that, even though I love and almost worship them, my addiction caused me to do :censored2: I am horribly ashamed of. I stole from them. Lied to them. Used them. Disrespected the very few rules they have. I :censored2: all over EVERYTHING they have done for me. I knew it was wrong even while doing it, but the addiction was so strong I was able to do mental acrobatics and justify it, at least until the drugs wore off again. I simply didn't know HOW to live sober. I am 14 months clean right now, after my aunt and uncle spent thousands and thousands of dollars for a Suboxone treatment program. They did that even after the monster I was to them. So, your son certainly does love you. he doesn't necessarily enjoy hurting or disappointing you. It's just... Necessary in his eyes. He feels regret, and shame when he sobers up, which a part of the reason why he does not want to sober up. Trust me, dealing with the horrible things you did during addiction is the most difficult part of cleaning up. But it is necessary. He will need to do the same to get his :censored2: together. You should not enable his behavior in any way. But there will come a time where he will run out of drugs and be forced to look at himself. He wont like what he sees. When he dislikes what he sees strongly enough, he will need support of loved ones. I only had 2 people who gave a :censored2: whether I lived or died. Not being melodramatic, that is a fact, but I NEEDED them. You don't need to trust him to provide the kind of help he really needs. Trust is earned, and it is harder to get back every time you betray it. Sorry to ramble. I started browsing this forum while still in active addiction, to get a better understanding of the parents' perspectives, and it has been a real eye opener for me. I never imagined all the ways in which I was hurting my aunt and uncle. I knew I was hurting them, just not the manner of the pain. [/QUOTE]
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25 yr old son living at home, lies, steals, sneaks and cant keep a job
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