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39 year old homeless son
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 752194" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Terry. Welcome back.</p><p></p><p>This is a sad story. Any mother would be sad.</p><p></p><p>Do you have a sense of what it is about your son that makes him unable either to grasp his situation or to respond to it in a way that he protects himself, and does not allow himself to go down the tubes? Or do you believe he is waiting for you to take responsibility for him? If so, this is wrong.</p><p></p><p>My son has been homeless for much of the last 8 years. He has only not been homeless when somebody has offered him a place to stay. My son will be 31 in a couple of weeks.</p><p></p><p>I don't see this changing. He is living in a house I own. It's not going well. If I tell him to leave, he will go live in a forested area in a major metro a few hours from me. It is hard.</p><p></p><p>Unlike you, I could let him keep staying in the house I own. But the way he lives, is too stressful to me and to those around him. </p><p></p><p>In our case, my son is mentally ill and he has had brain injuries. He also had a difficult beginning. So, you see, if anybody should feel guilty, it's me. More than guilty though, I feel afraid.</p><p></p><p>I don't know what to write to you to make you feel better. To me, to react to son's situation, which he is creating, in order that YOU FEEL BETTER, would be wrong. He is a middle aged man who CAN and DOES work.</p><p></p><p>There are times in most everybody's life where they lose places to live and places to stay, at the same time. I know it happened to me many times. I am trying to search back to remember what I did.</p><p></p><p>I think what I did was put one foot in front of the other. If we handle our children's problems we deprive them of the possibility of helping themselves. The only way we define ourselves as people is solving difficult problems. If we did not solve problems we would lie around in bed all day.</p><p></p><p>He could couch surf. He could get a room in a house. He could complete a nurse's aid training and become a home health aid where he cares for an elderly or ill person and lives rent free.</p><p></p><p>I like to travel. There's a place where I want to go in Brazil. It's a big colonial era city. To rent on airbnb whole houses cost $5 a night. I know this is off topic, but there are ways that people solve their problems and make a life too. This is what we deprive our children, when we take away their need to make a life by solving their challenges for them.</p><p></p><p>I know this is hard. It's hard for me too. I believe my son will go homeless again too, when he gets his SSI money at the end of the month. I hate how he lives. But that's my own problem to bear. He deserves to live the way he wants to love.</p><p></p><p>If we bring our adult children into our home, there begins a constant battle. Because they are adults.</p><p></p><p>If your son has issues, such as mental health, or addiction, these are what he needs to deal with. There are resources to help him. If he chooses.</p><p></p><p>Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 752194, member: 18958"] Terry. Welcome back. This is a sad story. Any mother would be sad. Do you have a sense of what it is about your son that makes him unable either to grasp his situation or to respond to it in a way that he protects himself, and does not allow himself to go down the tubes? Or do you believe he is waiting for you to take responsibility for him? If so, this is wrong. My son has been homeless for much of the last 8 years. He has only not been homeless when somebody has offered him a place to stay. My son will be 31 in a couple of weeks. I don't see this changing. He is living in a house I own. It's not going well. If I tell him to leave, he will go live in a forested area in a major metro a few hours from me. It is hard. Unlike you, I could let him keep staying in the house I own. But the way he lives, is too stressful to me and to those around him. In our case, my son is mentally ill and he has had brain injuries. He also had a difficult beginning. So, you see, if anybody should feel guilty, it's me. More than guilty though, I feel afraid. I don't know what to write to you to make you feel better. To me, to react to son's situation, which he is creating, in order that YOU FEEL BETTER, would be wrong. He is a middle aged man who CAN and DOES work. There are times in most everybody's life where they lose places to live and places to stay, at the same time. I know it happened to me many times. I am trying to search back to remember what I did. I think what I did was put one foot in front of the other. If we handle our children's problems we deprive them of the possibility of helping themselves. The only way we define ourselves as people is solving difficult problems. If we did not solve problems we would lie around in bed all day. He could couch surf. He could get a room in a house. He could complete a nurse's aid training and become a home health aid where he cares for an elderly or ill person and lives rent free. I like to travel. There's a place where I want to go in Brazil. It's a big colonial era city. To rent on airbnb whole houses cost $5 a night. I know this is off topic, but there are ways that people solve their problems and make a life too. This is what we deprive our children, when we take away their need to make a life by solving their challenges for them. I know this is hard. It's hard for me too. I believe my son will go homeless again too, when he gets his SSI money at the end of the month. I hate how he lives. But that's my own problem to bear. He deserves to live the way he wants to love. If we bring our adult children into our home, there begins a constant battle. Because they are adults. If your son has issues, such as mental health, or addiction, these are what he needs to deal with. There are resources to help him. If he chooses. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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