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Parent Emeritus
39 year old homeless son
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<blockquote data-quote="Iamtiredandsad2" data-source="post: 752242" data-attributes="member: 24532"><p>You do what you have to do. Maybe this anecdote can help-</p><p>I took my son to a local barbershop when he was around twelve years of age.</p><p>(We were new to the area .) The barber recently came from Cuba and telling me that he escaped his country looking for a better life for his kids.</p><p>He was a college professor in his country, but was struggling.</p><p>The young man had no qualms working in a barber shop (his brother's) because it was a job.</p><p>He proceeded to tell me that his wife refused to come to this country after his move and would not allow him contact with his son.(Who was about my son's age.) She gave him a hard time and divorced him. He eventually remarried a friend of the family. From this relationship, he had a young daughter.</p><p>However, he was unhappy because he did not know how his son was doing. He worried about him not having shelter and food.</p><p>He choked up when he said; "I cannot even enjoy a meal wondering if he has food to eat. I lose my appetite immediately."</p><p>How sad was that? He was one of the few men who I actually saw real hurt in his heart.</p><p>My point is that this is also how we feel as mothers.</p><p>I recently sent a few dollars via PayPal to my son. Not because he asked for it (which he didn't) but because I went food shopping and saw all of the goodies he liked wondering if he even had food in his fridge. I left a memo saying "buy some lunch". He answered back thanking me. I reminded him of the story I just mentioned. His response " I understand." This speaks volumes. Only then I knew he was struggling.</p><p>I told him that I wish he was home- " You always have a place here." But he said that " He's OK and prefers to live by himself. " You see my son is a very proud person and will not tell me directly that he needs help. So, the best I can do is give him $ when I can. My family tells me not to give him one cent. It's easy to say this when you have your children near and living well. I have decided not to listen to their "advice". They have no idea. Period. This is not enabling. It's more complex. All is done because he is loved. So, remember, you are not alone in this. If you feel you have to help then do it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Iamtiredandsad2, post: 752242, member: 24532"] You do what you have to do. Maybe this anecdote can help- I took my son to a local barbershop when he was around twelve years of age. (We were new to the area .) The barber recently came from Cuba and telling me that he escaped his country looking for a better life for his kids. He was a college professor in his country, but was struggling. The young man had no qualms working in a barber shop (his brother's) because it was a job. He proceeded to tell me that his wife refused to come to this country after his move and would not allow him contact with his son.(Who was about my son's age.) She gave him a hard time and divorced him. He eventually remarried a friend of the family. From this relationship, he had a young daughter. However, he was unhappy because he did not know how his son was doing. He worried about him not having shelter and food. He choked up when he said; "I cannot even enjoy a meal wondering if he has food to eat. I lose my appetite immediately." How sad was that? He was one of the few men who I actually saw real hurt in his heart. My point is that this is also how we feel as mothers. I recently sent a few dollars via PayPal to my son. Not because he asked for it (which he didn't) but because I went food shopping and saw all of the goodies he liked wondering if he even had food in his fridge. I left a memo saying "buy some lunch". He answered back thanking me. I reminded him of the story I just mentioned. His response " I understand." This speaks volumes. Only then I knew he was struggling. I told him that I wish he was home- " You always have a place here." But he said that " He's OK and prefers to live by himself. " You see my son is a very proud person and will not tell me directly that he needs help. So, the best I can do is give him $ when I can. My family tells me not to give him one cent. It's easy to say this when you have your children near and living well. I have decided not to listen to their "advice". They have no idea. Period. This is not enabling. It's more complex. All is done because he is loved. So, remember, you are not alone in this. If you feel you have to help then do it. [/QUOTE]
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