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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 639552" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Witz, how sad. I give my mother this: She reviled both me AND my children so she did not try to turn them against me. She just turned everyone else against me and everyone agreed with her, although I'm not sure why, other than my siblings desperately wanted Mommy's love and would agree to anything she said about me to get it. That was one way to her heart...trash me.</p><p></p><p>Echo, most families are not as screwed up as mine was either. Seems like both Witz and I are kind of puzzled as to why we became the focus of our family's dysfunction, but, hey, it is common to delegate somebody the black sheep who can not do anything right. Even the good I tried to do was twisted. I adopted kids. You know why? (This is my mother's version). It wasn't that I cared about all kids, those around the world and in our foster care system (actually it WAS my reason, but she did not believe it). Nope. It was the MONEY I made by adopting children. Aha! The enourmous subsidies I got for each child. My God, I was RICH because of all the adoptions!!!! This is what she told everyone.</p><p></p><p>The problem was, it wasn't true. The only adopted child of mine who qualified for any subsidy was Sonic who we got $425 a month for. You get no subsidy for international adoption (Julie from Korea and Scott from Hong Kong). In fact, YOU pay big. You get no money for a private adoption. Jumper was adopted through a lawyer, so WE paid again. Wow, did we get rich adopting kids. It really hurt my feelings that they felt that way about me. I am not perfect and never was, but one thing I know is that I have a heart of gold and that's why I did it. I could have had more biolotgical kids or no more kids at all. Now that we are done adopting kids, I have gotten involved in dog rescue and there is no subsidy to care for a dog.</p><p></p><p>So I was selfish. My mother said so. My sister said so. My brother said so. My mother's brother, my uncle, used to call me "the brat, when I was four years old and my mother laughed and encouraged it. I wasn't a brat at all. I did throw tantrums because I was filled with anxiety and very depressed, even that young. But, hey, if Uncle, who Mother thought was the smartest person in the universe because he had a Ph.D in Chemical Engineering, said I was a brat, by God, he had a right to say it and it was true. I still remember him calling me a brat. </p><p></p><p>There was just so much. It is truly amazing that I learned how NOT to be a parent by my family and have good relationships with my kids, except for the one we adopted at age six who left everyone. I also have a loving husband, another miracle. Trust me, that bothered my mother because my sister had a jerky husband and my brother never married at all. </p><p></p><p>I don't know how I got so off topic. Witz's post I guess.</p><p></p><p>Echo, I'm sure it will be different for you. I am so hoping your life works out the way you want it to, in every aspect.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 639552, member: 1550"] Witz, how sad. I give my mother this: She reviled both me AND my children so she did not try to turn them against me. She just turned everyone else against me and everyone agreed with her, although I'm not sure why, other than my siblings desperately wanted Mommy's love and would agree to anything she said about me to get it. That was one way to her heart...trash me. Echo, most families are not as screwed up as mine was either. Seems like both Witz and I are kind of puzzled as to why we became the focus of our family's dysfunction, but, hey, it is common to delegate somebody the black sheep who can not do anything right. Even the good I tried to do was twisted. I adopted kids. You know why? (This is my mother's version). It wasn't that I cared about all kids, those around the world and in our foster care system (actually it WAS my reason, but she did not believe it). Nope. It was the MONEY I made by adopting children. Aha! The enourmous subsidies I got for each child. My God, I was RICH because of all the adoptions!!!! This is what she told everyone. The problem was, it wasn't true. The only adopted child of mine who qualified for any subsidy was Sonic who we got $425 a month for. You get no subsidy for international adoption (Julie from Korea and Scott from Hong Kong). In fact, YOU pay big. You get no money for a private adoption. Jumper was adopted through a lawyer, so WE paid again. Wow, did we get rich adopting kids. It really hurt my feelings that they felt that way about me. I am not perfect and never was, but one thing I know is that I have a heart of gold and that's why I did it. I could have had more biolotgical kids or no more kids at all. Now that we are done adopting kids, I have gotten involved in dog rescue and there is no subsidy to care for a dog. So I was selfish. My mother said so. My sister said so. My brother said so. My mother's brother, my uncle, used to call me "the brat, when I was four years old and my mother laughed and encouraged it. I wasn't a brat at all. I did throw tantrums because I was filled with anxiety and very depressed, even that young. But, hey, if Uncle, who Mother thought was the smartest person in the universe because he had a Ph.D in Chemical Engineering, said I was a brat, by God, he had a right to say it and it was true. I still remember him calling me a brat. There was just so much. It is truly amazing that I learned how NOT to be a parent by my family and have good relationships with my kids, except for the one we adopted at age six who left everyone. I also have a loving husband, another miracle. Trust me, that bothered my mother because my sister had a jerky husband and my brother never married at all. I don't know how I got so off topic. Witz's post I guess. Echo, I'm sure it will be different for you. I am so hoping your life works out the way you want it to, in every aspect. [/QUOTE]
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